Basically I'm very conflicted. I've been in denial about issues in the past (for a long time) and before that it's like my brain wouldn't even flag them up at all.
But I'm finally owning up to it all after some new info has come to light.
DF is a functioning alcoholic, DM also really likes a drink despite her dr telling her she should stop altogether, this is something I've known for a while.
DF is actually a sensitive man with quite a lot of issues who tries to play this alpha male. He's self employed - builder / handyman. He talks himself up and says he's very good at what he does.
Neither of them have ever kept a job (as in employed not SE) for longer than a 2-3 years. Usually for much less time, it's always either manager has it out for them/someone did not like DM/DF and tried to "force them out" because they were "too good" at their job and showing others up/bad managers/bad company and on it goes.
I love them, they are my parents, they can be great to be around and have so many skill sets and are actually so very capable and pick things up super quick but it's like they can't utilise it. I'm LC with them due to the alcohol issues, some erratic behaviours in the past (which have stopped since I've gone LC/grey rock).
I've been in a bit of denial about this but from what I have gathered recently, my DFs work is generally not up to any regulations and he can be very flaky, letting people down, not working proper hours, turning up as and when he pleases, a million excuses and not truthful about his skills, has left people in messes before - essentially a cowboy builder.
They don't like following what you would call society standards (unsure if this is the right term to use) they think they know better/can do better, think people nowadays are snowflakes, they can't stay employed as they basically can't stand having to answer to someone above them, they want to be seen as successful, especially my DF who often bigs up his past achievements. They excuse their behaviours amongst themselves and always have a "valid" reason for their actions. It's never their fault. They can come across extremely well when you first meet them but there's these 2 extreme sides to the coin.
I sometimes almost feel embarrassed, I don't want to but can't help it, there's been some very strange behaviours especially from my DF under the influence in the past. On one hand I can't help but feel extremely guilty that I have just described them in this light but it's true. I sometimes want to throw myself back to this stage of denial and think they make perfect sense.
I sometimes lay awake at night and worry about turning out like them.
AIBU? Am I a horrible daughter for feeling this way about them?