To have quit my job? TW sexual assault

[Neverfuckatory]

I had a massive breakdown 2019- early 2020, I saw my rapist in the street in late 2019 and basically lost my shit, I lost my job, got sectioned and had a lot of therapy for PTSD. I was honest about my issues with my friends but lost a couple as they couldn't deal with me and that's okay.

Anyway, I had one group of friends from a hobby type group and had a bit of support from them but not a lot, I started drugs and a lot of therapy, then I decided after 6 months to apply for a job. I got it and as it was a trust wide Intake I didn't know where the job would be but I ended up in the same area as my 'friend ' from the group it's been nice for 6 months, until last week

When someone unrelated to me, asked me if I thought my latest miscarriage was related to my rape and asked if my husbands feelings towards me had changed since he found out about it. I've only told my friend from the group about my rape, not even my manager knew but they do now, so clearly she's told them all.

So I gave my notice and now I have a new job. I'm off sick atm but I will be returning to work a bit of my notice, I have a new job but I just feel so violated, it's not her place to tell anyone

I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I would not let this "friend" get away with it. If you're up to it put in a complaint and also take it to the Information Commissioners Office as a breach. What a bitch.

When someone unrelated to me, asked me if I thought my latest miscarriage was related to my rape and asked if my husbands feelings towards me had changed since he found out about it.

I'm glad you've moved on and got a new job. The questions you've been asked about something so traumatic are incredibly offensive and insensitive. I'm incredulous that a functioning adult could ask such intrusive questions.

I would discuss it with your friend if you feel it would be useful for her to know the consequences of her indiscreet behaviour and I would tell her the questions you've been asked. If she is indeed a friend she will be apologetic and horrified that her actions led to such insensitive questions and for you to change jobs.

Wow. She’s obviously told everyone, which is appalling but so is the way you were questioned about it. Fuck that noise. What is wrong with people?

That is appalling.. even if you knew about someone's background why on Earth would you ask someone those types of questions. Your friend and your colleague need a good lesson in empathy ffs! How awful for you op and I don't blame you for not wanting to stay in that job.

That is appalling behaviour from both of them. I can see why you want to move jobs. I would be minded to tell HR in the exit interview exactly why I am leaving but that is a personal choice.

That’s awful. I’d actually put in a complaint to HR about it, it’s a huge violation. I’m sorry for all you’ve been through.

I'd report her and the nosy bastard to HR. This is unbelievable!

It's awful behavior. I fully understand why you feel like that.

Personally, in a case like that I'd be sure to tell my friend / colleague that what they did was wrong and disrespectful to me. I'd let them in no doubt!! That's just me though, so you may or may not do that in your situation.

I'm personally OK/open about talking about the topic (I was not always), and my friends know the details. Personally, I don't think I have anything to "hide", in fact I feel I do more good by being open (but again, that is just me).

YANBU and as suggested I think you should tell HR when you leave.

I’m sorry you’ve been treated this badly.

She has potentially also broken the law. Sexual assault survivors have lifelong anonymity. Even if the rapist wasn't convicted.
If the police were involved, you can report this. I know someone this happened to and the blabbermouth ended up with an adult caution.
So sorry all of this has happened to you. 💐

I think I'd be referring to the group as acquaintances rather than friends.

If the "friends" knowledge was gained outside the work arena, and possibly disclosed to colleagues before you joined, I'm not certain that there's a great deal the employer could do (much less the ICO).
The employee that made the comments - yes, completely inappropriate in the work place, complain if you feel it will help you move on. Read up on constructive dismissal - but you've probably not been there long enough to do a great deal about it.

Congratulations on finding another role, hope that you're enjoying it and have tons nicer colleagues.

That is horrendous and YANBU to have got a new job.

I'm so sorry - I'd get yourself signed off until your notice is up (or speak very firmly to your manager about why you no longer feel comfortable going in) and put a complaint in with HR ASAP about the so-called friend/colleague. Disgusting behaviour.

I'm sorry you had a hard time - I hope, work situation and shit friend notwithstanding, things are easier for you now.

Another that thinks you should report her, my darling.

I haven't words for the lack of empathy. It should be dealt with by your employer under the bullying at work policy.

I wish you all the best. You must be a very strong and powerful woman for them to try and wound you in this way.

Both your "friend" and colleague are severely lacking in empathy and compassion and you were right in the actions you've taken. I think you'd be right not returning to work your notice. The only choice you have to make now is to whether leave it or raise a complaint with HR.

I agree with @therocinante

I’m so sorry that you are going through this.