To think asking someone you don’t really know whether they’ve had the vaccine is a bit personal

[Iheartbed]

I am currently suffering with the rare type of blood clot that’s in the news re the Oxford vaccine - CVST. I got it due to being pregnant and dehydrated (I ended up miscarrying). I may have a blood clotting disorder but don’t know for sure yet.

Not many people know this at work. I work in healthcare and the amount of people (staff and patients) asking me if I’ve had my vaccine bothers me. I don’t want to tell them why I haven’t had it as it involves personal troubles. But I don’t really know why they’re asking either. What’s it to them?
I hate lying. I just want to say “none of your bloody business!”

@Cocopogo

What do you mean you don’t know why they are asking? Of course they are asking to see if you’ve had the Astra Zeneca and whether you think it’s caused your blood clot. They are not interested in anything else. Sorry for your loss

Obviously not as OP has said it's not common knowledge that she has the condition. That's the whole point of the post 🙄

OP i don't think asking if you've had the vaccine is inappropriate or particularly personal in most cases. Itd just small talk as its in the news so much at the moment. Obviously yours is linked to a very sad and private situation, but I'm sure you realise that is very rare. Surely if you just said "not yet as I have a medical condition which means I might not be able to" then people wouldn't push you for details of your medical condition. Or just lie and say "yes" and change the subject, who would know?

As a HCP I’m supposed to have had the vaccine already so if they ask and I say no, the next question in their head would be “why not?”, which is a personal question IMO
I don’t want to be thought of as a vaccine denier but also don’t want to go into why I haven’t
I think the best option is probably to just lie

Can’t you have the Pfizer one?

I think I’d just say “sadly I can’t for medical reasons” and then say you don’t want to discuss it if they ask further. But it’s not an unreasonable topic of conversation at the moment, so agree you should have an answer ready. I imagine it comes from a place of caring about you.

Also, yes I have had discussions with close friends about tonsil removal and contraception, and indeed wisdom teeth removal and scans and Caesarians and not thought then intrusive at all. Yes it’s technically private medical information but it’s also the stuff of life and I’m not sure what use you think any of my friends (or even acquaintances) would make of the gripping information that I’ve had my tonsils removed.

They’re keeping the Pfizer jabs for people’s second doses I was told
But then maybe I can ask for special consideration

@cunningartificer

I think I’d just say “sadly I can’t for medical reasons” and then say you don’t want to discuss it if they ask further. But it’s not an unreasonable topic of conversation at the moment, so agree you should have an answer ready. I imagine it comes from a place of caring about you.

Also, yes I have had discussions with close friends about tonsil removal and contraception, and indeed wisdom teeth removal and scans and Caesarians and not thought then intrusive at all. Yes it’s technically private medical information but it’s also the stuff of life and I’m not sure what use you think any of my friends (or even acquaintances) would make of the gripping information that I’ve had my tonsils removed.

I get your point but the medical issues you have listed are common and not serious

Mine is serious and associated with pregnancy loss and I spend every day hating it. If I tell people I’ve got a cvst the next question is why

I’m just sensitive at the moment I guess

I think they were probably just making small talk, but I do take the point that all medical information is private.

Medical confidentiality was previously sacrosanct, but it is now getting erroded with this pandemic.

It's just small talk. I've been interviewing this week and everyone has chatted about the vaccine, it comes up when discussing when the office is expected to re-open.

I'm really sorry about your situation, but you'll just have to find something to say to people - 'Unfortunately I can't have it yet, I'm waiting on my doctor's advice' is vague enough.

Op in my NHS trust they have staff vaccinators going around teams singling out staff members who have not had it. It happened in my health centre a few days ago. The nurse who had not had it was pulled aside for a 'chat'. I thought it was quite extreme but then understandable given our job and the current circumstances. I suspect the nurse in question maybe trying to get pregnant but has not wanted to say. I would definitely get in touch with your vaccination team and talk to them about the Pfizer.

I don’t think it’s a faux pas, no. In the current climate this question is polite small talk.

Just say yes, you have. Saves any long winded explanations to the contrary. Easy.

Sorry Iheartbed, I didn’t mean you should discuss your condition, just that the vaccine question per se isn’t necessarily intrusive, as a past poster said. Without knowing your condition therefore there’s no reason most people would think of asking about vaccination as potentially hurtful.

For what it’s worth, one of the topics I mentioned is also one that is painful for me to discuss, but I accept that unless I share more than I want people won’t know that, so don’t see the asking as problematic.

Of course they are asking to see if you’ve had the Astra Zeneca and whether you think it’s caused your blood clot. They are not interested in anything else.

This, surely?

@pictish

I don’t think it’s a faux pas, no. In the current climate this question is polite small talk.

Just say yes, you have. Saves any long winded explanations to the contrary. Easy.

Huh? So she’s suffering from a rare blood clot that people are worried is caused by the vaccine .. that she HASN’T had... but she should lie and say she has had it and let people draw their own conclusions?

@zigaziga

Of course they are asking to see if you’ve had the Astra Zeneca and whether you think it’s caused your blood clot. They are not interested in anything else.

This, surely?

I didn't read the OP this way. I think that she is a HCP. She didn't have the vaccine because she was pregnant. I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, OP. She hasn't had the vaccine npw either because of the blood clot or because her miscarriage was very recent.

OP, the truthful answer could be that you haven't had it because of underlying health issues and then not giving any other information. However, you'd probably get people kicking off and demanding to be seen by someone else.

I've been asked this loads of times.
Its just the current topic of conversation and small talk.
When I ask back people say they have/ havent/ thinking about it/ unsure/ can't wait.
Just a conversation piece.🤷‍♀️

Not many people know about the blood clot, so it's not a case of letting people draw the conclusions that the vaccine has caused the blood clot (which would be a bad idea), it's more a case of not wanting to go through this painful personal history with every patient and colleague, in response to the "habe you had the vaccine?" question.

I’m a HCP I’m regularly asked by my patients for three reasons; 1. They looking for reassurance that it’s fine to have it 2. Many seem genuinely worried I might catch covid and wanted me to be vaccinated which is very kind of them and 3. many patients worry we might give Covid to them and want to know the risk is reduced. I have no problem with being asked and see it as part of reassuring them that it’s fine to have it where possible HCPs should be leading by example.
In your situation OP just say I have underlying health conditions which may contra indicate it for me and my GP is looking into it and change the subject.

Just say no, you have a health condition and are waiting for the green light from your Dr. Then if they push just say that it's personal so you don't want to discuss it.

zigazaga - yeah. I was working on the assumption that these people are randoms in passing, with no prior knowledge as to OP’s personal circumstances.

@notacooldad

I've been asked this loads of times. Its just the current topic of conversation and small talk. When I ask back people say they have/ havent/ thinking about it/ unsure/ can't wait. Just a conversation piece.🤷‍♀️

This. We are nothing if not mundane. 🤷‍♀️

Tbh, I've learnt from MN, that the only reasonable conversation to have with people is about the weather, otherwise you'll end upsetting or offending someone if you discuss anything else.

Given its a rolling vaccine- we talk (fairly infrequently) about whether you've been randomly accepted yet. I don't see it as being invasive- it's a current popular topic. If you feel uncomfortable talking about it- and understandably you do, just say no.

It’s completely different being asked about it in general conversation to being asked about it as anHCP. It’s easy to say it’s not an issue if you’ve had the vaccine but if you haven’t it can lead on to other questions which are far more personal.

A lot of people now think they have the right to interrogate people about this matter. One man I know said he’s going to be asking his dentist, his doctor etc.I told him it wasn’t his business and he himself has had the vaccine anyway, but he went on about his rights

I’m a HCP I’m regularly asked by my patients for three reasons; 1. They looking for reassurance that it’s fine to have it 2. Many seem genuinely worried I might catch covid and wanted me to be vaccinated which is very kind of them and 3. many patients worry we might give Covid to them and want to know the risk is reduced. I have no problem with being asked and see it as part of reassuring them that it’s fine to have it where possible HCPs should be leading by example.
In your situation OP just say I have underlying health conditions which may contra indicate it for me and my GP is looking into it and change the subject.

Manager at work knowing is reasonable, were someone to come into your house seems reasonable, but not otherwise especially if you are wearing PPE or a face covering at the time.