How to deal with flakey friend?

[Creamcustards]

I made a new-ish friend at work, we live close by so over past year have ended up doing lots of walks.
About once a week when the weather’s nice one of us will suggest a quick walk at the end of the work day, and this has been been a lovely way to unwind. We each instigate equally, it’s not a one-sided thing.

But, whenever we plan something more than a day in advance, she will flake on me. We might both agree we want to do X (walks mostly, although it was the pub or a meal sometimes last summer) I’ll suggest a date, she will confirm she’s free, I’ll book a table / invite mutual friends, but then when I send a ‘see you tomorrow’ reminder text she will say sorry she has promised to do something with somebody else. This happens 80% of the time. I find it really rude, but I don’t want to be hard work or make things awkward, so I just say it’s fine and we carry on without her (or if it’s just me involved I stay at home).

She’s done it again this evening for the third time since January, and I am hurt and rather annoyed. Thinking from now on I am just going to take the hint that doing things with me is not high on her list of priorities (which of course is absolutely fine) and accordingly I will stop planning or making myself available to do things with her, because why should I keep days free and turn down other plans, only to be ditched?

But is it proud/cowardly to step back in this way? Is it better to explain the next time a plan comes up that I’d much prefer her to she say no right away, than flake the day before? I am non-confrontational and don’t want to lose the friendship (such as it is) but also aware I need more of a backbone. So unsure which is the best approach.

YANBU- just stop suggesting / planning things with her
YABU- exlain how I feel

I used to have a friend like this. She was not good at forward planning and did not like to commit herself to engagements that required organising. I just had to accept that this is how she was. We did enjoy some impromptu occasions when I just said "do you fancy a meal/coffee/drink and we went out. But making an arrangement for the following week and/or including other people was often a failed exercise. Unfortunately I am a planner. So I had to accept this is how she was. You cant make your friends over into what you want them to be.

i had a mate like this (interestingly she is so much better since having her DC). I did two things: stopped sending the "that's ok love" texts, because if habitual it's really not; and stopped making arrangements with her alone. Always involved a third (and fourth or fifth) party, usually sorting out the date and venue with the third party first and then inviting her to join us. No way was I going to make plans to suit her best when I knew there was a 90% chance of her bailing.

Does she have children and is relying on partner to look after them?

I only say this as my best friend is married to an abusive man and appears to be really falkey with arrangements. They have 2 primary aged children together. She let slip once that if she makes arrangements to go out in advance he'll hold it over her all week to get his own way and if she upsets him in someway he'll just disappear and refuse to look after his children.

Consequently she's fine with last minute arrangements when she knows he's home or things where she's coming straight from work' but anything planned in advance will probably get cancelled 8 times out of 10.

I have a few friends like this.

I used to find them frustrating and it would wind me up. I decided it was pointless to feel wound up and just accept that’s how they are and only make plans one the day.

Mate A is always late, so I don’t make time sensitive plans with her. Mate B endlessly bails, so I don’t put any weight on her ‘commitments’. I appreciate the positive parts of their company and accept the flakiness as the cost. If she’s worth spending time with despite this, do. If she isn’t, bin her.