To ask about MILs contact with DS

[CirclesYurt]

This isn't a MIL bashing thread. I'm after opinions and what happens in other families. My MIL will offer to take DS for a walk or few hours if I need a break. I don't really feel like that with him (he is, for now, a fairly easy going child) so I feel a bit cheeky asking her to have him when I don't need her to. I'm never sure where I stand with her as we just aren't wired the same way. I ideally need to build a bond between my son and MIL but I find asking for help difficult and find it odd she doesn't ask to see him just to spend time with him. Should it always be me asking if she would like to look after him?

Just tell her you don’t need the help but she is welcome to take him if she wants to spend time with him.

You don't need to ask for help. She is offering because she would be happy to look after him for a while and is offering in a way that doesn't step on your toes.

You're not asking if she would like to look after him. She has offered, you just need to arrange when works for you both.

You're overthinking this. If you would be happy for her to take him for a few hours, even if you don't need a break, just make arrangements. If you don't want her to take him, just don't take her up on on the offer

I do offer of she would like to have him then it's fine with me but she then always makes it sound like she only wants him if I need her to have him. I'm sure I am overthinking it but I don't want to ring her up and say can you have him so I can catch up on some rubbish I want to watch on the TV.

You are over thinking it.
She's asking in a nice way.
It's you who deems that the occasional bit of chilling out watching TV is something you "don't need to do". Hell, everyone needs to do that especially new mums.
And people like to feel useful and that they're not a bother.
If you say yes please Wednesday morning OK and then she bitches afterwards about you then I totally have your back.
In the mean time say" yes please that would be wonderful", grab the remote and put your feet up.

She’s offering to take him? What is the issue? Do you not like her so your thinking that her offering to take him is a dig that you can’t cope with him? I don’t think that’s the case here sounds like a nice offer but I don’t know her.

She probably reads Mumsnet and is terrified of asking if she can have him just because she wants too! Because she would then be met with the 'why does she want to have him on her own' cry of horror often heard on here.

She is probably only putting it that way because she doesn't want to be stepping on your toes. Putting it that way she is hoping to come off as helpful rather than pushy

I do like her but I don't want to put upon her. She has had an awful few months and she was very concerned about covid and so stopped all contact but recently offered again. DS doesn't know her very well unfortunately and I'd like that to change. I'll give her a call tomorrow.

She's offering, she wants to spend time with her grandson. Put your feet up and enjoy.

How's it gone?