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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want sex after having a baby?

12 replies

MumChats · 06/04/2021 18:49

Posted on the sex board but didn't get a response so sharing again here for traffic...

we have 10 week old ds and have not dtd since he was born. Until recently I didnt want to (difficult birth, didn't feel recovered) but I now feel ready to try - but I don't know when?! During the day is a no go as ds won't settle alone for long enough. And at night we go to bed at different times to maximise our sleep. Just wondering how other couples have managed it?! Once when dp's parents were staying his mum had the baby downstairs and we ended up fooling around a bit when we went up for a nap but that's honestly all we've done in over 2 months. What have other peoples sex lives been like after a baby and when do you find time?! Before ds was born we had an active sex life probably 3-4 times a week including during pregnancy. I miss the intimacy.

OP posts:
Flappityflippers1 · 06/04/2021 18:53

After first child, we tried at 7 weeks post when baby was asleep. I didn’t really enjoy though as post emergency c section, it was a bit soon - we then waited until 3-4 months post. Partly due to a non sleeping baby and partly due to me then feeling ready.

Just had our second and only 2 weeks post. I would happily have sex now as couldn’t face it at all in pregnancy and really miss being intimate with DH. However it was a planned section so I will wait the 6 weeks at least (and it probably won’t be for 3-4 months again as I’ve birthed another sleep hater 🙄!)

Original poster
MumChats · 06/04/2021 22:12

Thanks and congratulations on the recent new addition! 3-4 months is probably where we will end up- i just can't see us having the time anytime soon. I also can't imagine enjoying it much if ds is in his bedside crib at the time which I guess is the most likely situation. I guess it isn't forever!

OP posts:
Babyboomtastic · 06/04/2021 22:18

2 planned sections here and managed it from roughly 2 weeks after with both.

Tbh,we just went with the risk that we might have to abandon it as baby might wake, and sometimes we had to stop, sometimes it was fine.

The likelihood is that it will be a very long time for you can't guarantee an undisturbed opportunity (babysitting or childcare basically), and that goes on for years, so basically, seize the chance when you can, because you may as well.

User7312019 · 06/04/2021 22:25

Normal birth and we were back at it from 5 weeks after, probably a few times a week. Just in the day when baby napped in his crib or in the night when he was asleep.

StillWeRise · 06/04/2021 22:34

apparently OP, all you need to do is get on the Ann Summers website
...but actually if you look at that thread you will see that its VERY NORMAL not to want to have sex when you have a baby. You are tired, physically and mentally. Your life is completely changed. Eventually you will find a way, but really, you have ages to figure it out. If all you want is a nap, it's OK to have a nap!

HaveringWavering · 06/04/2021 22:55

We weren’t bothered by the baby being in the room when he was up to 6 months old. I cannot say we were at it like rabbits but we did it a hell of a lot more than we do now with a light sleeping preschooler with very sharp ears!

BrownEyedGirl80 · 06/04/2021 22:56

3 weeks after birth whilst baby slept

Mydogdoesntlisten · 06/04/2021 23:01

Havering, take your point. We have a 20 year old stomping around outside at all hours of the night. Confused. OP, if you feel ready, go for it. Your lo will be fine. (And make the most of it Grin.)

Original poster
MumChats · 08/04/2021 21:40

Thanks all of you. I think I need to get over ds being in the room and just get on with it. Next step for dh to be in the room as well as we do a split sort of nightshift to maximise our sleep! Need to prioritise "us" as well as sleep/the baby though, ill talk to him!

OP posts:
someoneiou · 08/04/2021 21:42

6 weeks after first baby. I had stitches and wanted to wait for them to be completely dissolved. But it was very slow and gentle the first time.

We dtd when DD was asleep at night. Very early in the evening though, like 8pm!

Alwaysandforeverhere · 08/04/2021 21:46

Been quite quick after all three. You just find a time when baby is asleep and go for it. It’s not like you need hours.

The longest was after our first at maybe 2/3weeks. After our second and third we was back dtd within a week. I have a very high sex drive dh could of waited happily if I had of wanted to but I couldn’t.

Skysblue · 09/04/2021 08:21

I was still bleeding at 10 weeks post birth so not in sexy mood. Make sure everything is definitely healed, you don’t want an infection.

Totally get missing the intimacy but you can get that other ways - massages etc. I don’t think you necessarily have to start having sex with baby in room 👀

For me sleep was definitely the priority!

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