To want to say something?

[HeyGirlHeyBoy]

7yo neighbour, horrific behaviour and language. Most neighbours have been round to complain at one time or another, absolutely nothing is done. Now a number of people not allowed to play with child. Latest is when I or my dc walk past he shout some profanity. I have ignored or given a kind of 'What a pity' look. Aibu to wonder what if anything I should say? Maybe I should just stay silent.

If you suspect it know of abuse going on in the home, then you might want to contact ss, but aside from that, ignore.

*or know

What is it you think you could say that probably hasn't already been said? If you suspect abuse then report to SS other than that there isn't a great deal you can do.

If you're worried about his home life then maybe run it past Social Services.

Social services. Home life needs to be investigated, 7yo shouldn't know any profanity let alone use them.

And if there is no abuse, this will be a wake up call for the parents.

If you speak to parents first it could result in them punishing the child in an unsuitable way / you just don't know what's going on there, so don't do that.

Do call Social Services, there's almost certainly something else going on here. It is better to say something and be wrong than keep quiet and be right.

7yo shouldn't know any profanity let alone use them

Right....

I literally did this with over a 7 year old last week. Knocked at the door in an attempt to have a calm word with the nan who has custody. It ended up with the police being called. It’s obvious where they’re getting this behaviour from. Don’t bother

You don't know what's going on in there.
Could be nothing but could be something.

I am 50/50 on SS as if you're their neighbour could you hear what's going on next door?

I personally wouldn't just phone SS for swearing but would keep an ear out.

Poor child. It's most likely the parents fault.

Of for sure it is parents' fault, I have tried many times to explain to the child why I'm asking him to stop doing various things. It's swearing, it's the general MO of abuse and out to cause trouble/upset. Parents are hands off, kids will be kids, they're all it, types. I just wondered was there anything anyway useful I can say as we walk by and he starts shouting things? It's pretty miserable to hear and see.

Shouting abuse at someone as they walk past is actually a criminal offence. Clearly the police aren't going to arrest the kid, but his behaviour should be reported to them. It's then up to THEM to get SS involved.

Is it?! He literally says something horrible to my ds every time he walks by. I might sound ott but it's depressing and hard to live with, always keeping watch and listening out.

Although my daughter didn't sit shouting abuse at passers-by, she did behave inappropriately, was socially inept and would swear. No one would let their kids play with her and we've been shunned by most neighbours.

I called ss myself for support (never again!!) I did parenting courses, I got her equine therapy, talking therapy. I tried everything!
She would not behave age appropriately. She is not a bad child, she has ADHD and social anxiety. She has been 'signed off' as unfit for school because she cannot cope with what is expected of her and the consequences when she gets it wrong.

I hate it when it is automatically the parents fault. You don't know what else is going on. Fair enough that his parents should not allow him free rein to cause problems, but maybe you could broaden your thinking a little bit.

And I'm not diagnosing a sweary child that I have never met, or excusing his clearly unacceptable behaviour. It just irritates me when anything to do with misbehaving kids comes up, it's ALWAYS 100% the parents fault, and assumed they just let them crack on without any sort of parenting or guidance.

This is going on three years. I originally approached it from the perspective of 'It looks like he could do with a little help'. That help didn't come. If he as an additional need, it is still his parents' role to be out there ensuring he is not hurting or upsetting others, surely? To close your door and not supervise your child if they have an SN is even worse than if he is NT. He certainly needs support, either way, but their tack is to be hands off. He is out unsupervised for hours on end so, not automatic at all, but yes I lay the blame with the parents when they are not preventing his further ostracisation.

I'm not assuming GoF1sh, this is not recent. It is minimised, it is batted back, it is ignored. No surprise it hasn't improved. I'm sorry all your efforts didn't work for your DD, my DS is challenging, I do wonder sometimes about adhd, but I would bring him in if he was causing this amount of bother and I am always popping my head out or standing out keeping an eye. I hope your DD gets the supports she, and you, need, that sounds exhausting and very hard.

No, I agree they shouldn't be turfing him out for hours and making it everyone else's problem, instead of dealing with it.
Not sure what you can do about it, though. They might not be reasonable about being confronted with it, then he'll just ramp it up a few notches knowing nothing will happen.
I don't agree with ss being called. Personally, I would make the school aware. They will have more knowledge about any possible additional needs and will have a more supportive approach than a social worker who doesn't know them.

Yes that was my thinking re school. And absolutely re knowing nothing will happen or we've heard 'I'm grounded' but being outside, which is worse than trying nothing imo. I really just wondered if, as I go by, there was anything at all I could say for him or for more my own dc instead of just staring straight ahead. It's a sorry situation tbh.

@HeyGirlHeyBoy

Of for sure it is parents' fault, I have tried many times to explain to the child why I'm asking him to stop doing various things. It's swearing, it's the general MO of abuse and out to cause trouble/upset. Parents are hands off, kids will be kids, they're all it, types. I just wondered was there anything anyway useful I can say as we walk by and he starts shouting things? It's pretty miserable to hear and see.

Useful? I'd say (and have said previously) something like

"It's a shame that at 7yo you have such a limited number of words and aren't clever enough to learn nice ones" with a head tilt.

But you need to know the child and family well enough to know they'll be no backlash. What's happened when others have commented?

He is very clever in fact, from what I can gather. But yes I have said something similar and he says things like 'I don't fuckin care.'.. There won't be backlash I'd say, they'd rather stay right out of it. There has been a variety of responses from 'Oh that's terrible' (close door) to 'Children are just different now, you're probably too strict' to shouting father blaming all the other kids to deflect!

Sounds like they realise his behaviour is unacceptable but don't know what to do about it.
I would hazard a guess that any reaction you give him, will be returned with more swearing and shouting. Negative attention is still attention, and maybe he's lacking that at home. Maybe try acting as if he is completely invisible when he's abusive, and just say hello, smile and carry on walking when he isn't.

And no matter what the circumstances are, to realise at 7 years old that no one is allowed to play with you because you are 'naughty etc, but not have the maturity level to fully understand actions and consequences is actually a very painful thing to go through. I really wouldn't advise saying anything that could cause more damage. He might act like he doesn't care, so did my dd. Then behind closed doors she would cry for hours, harm herself and write lists on how to be a better person so she can have friends. Again, it may not be the case with this boy but you never really know.

Thank you GoF1sh, I appreciate that and it helps to remind myself of that when he is being particularly tough on my dc.. He v much targets him as he is closest to his age and others are older. He spent an afternoon last week jeering at small girls scooting around. It is very hard to see.

Raise it with the school. Hopefully they can give him more support than he is currently getting. Your son, or anyone else shouldn't have to suffer because of it.