To not go for lunch with work lot

[mamahoo]

This is really boring but...

I work in an office in a team of 5.
Pre pandemic, we never had lunch together.
I have been off work for 6 months on maternity.
I have just returned and it turns out that the team now have lunch together every single day. I already go for coffee with them twice a day.

I am well liked on the team and we all have a laugh together, but I don't think that people realise I'm actually really introverted and that it exhausts me talking all day. For me, my lunch break is to chill out on my own or go for a walk.

I've had lunch with them every day for the past few weeks, but it's doing my head in. Today I thought bugger it, I'll have lunch at my desk and then go for a walk on my own (which is what I always did pre pandemic). I knew it would go down like a led balloon. My boss made a shitty comment and walked off in a mood about it, and I just know I'll be getting a bit of a slagging off behind my back. I would consider my boss a friend, although he is a little controlling.

AIBU for wanting to spend my lunch breaks how I want to or am I just an absolutely miserable cow??

I hate spending my lunch break with people! I always wanted quiet and to read or just chill with a nice solo walk.

Do what you want, nobody can tell you what to do on your own time.

I always needed a walk at lunchtime. Besides from being introverted Mother's of young children often don't get time to themselves and their own thoughts. They should appreciate that.

I don’t blame you. Small close knit teams.can be really difficult to work in if you are an introvert.

That sounds exhausting! I would hate this arrangement. I just tell people I use my lunch break to run a few errands or catch up on some personal admin I need to get done. Or sometimes I just say I fancy a quiet walk on my own. No big deal.

Announce a new postcovid keep fit routine you'll be doing at lunchtimes...

Could you bring your own lunch in several times a week, on the premise of saving money and not wasting food from home? That might give you an "out".

I would hate this too. Is it literally just you all sit in the same room and eat your sandwiches together or does it involve going out and spending money each time? If the latter then that’s your get out clause - say you can’t afford to do it every day.

I wouldn’t mind now and again but not every day. Sometimes you do just want to sit and chill.

Oh god I would absolutely hate this, I don't blame you at all 🙈 lunchtime is when I wind down, have a minutes peace, send some texts or scroll on social media etc. It's also usually only 30 mins for me so I don't really have time to be polite and wait for people and faff about. I can't believe your boss actually confronted you about this, sounds so intense! I would just say you have a couple of phone calls to make. And then the next day it's errands etc, until it's becomes the norm. Then can just start saying oh you
know me, I love a bit of 'me time' on my lunch break

I feel your pain - my team was like that, but thankfully have wfh for last 13 months so plenty of time to work/recharge undisturbed without someone trying to talk to me

Urgh i’d hate that! A couple of times a week a team lunch might be nice but every day? Can you try and explain to them that you need a bit of alone time as a rule because you’re introverted and it’s no reflection on how you feel about the team? Maybe say you’ll do one lunch a week?

If they can’t accept that then they aren’t very nice.

I know how you feel! Im not an introvert but quiet time to myself is important. I joined an "access" course in mid life to get me into uni. There were one or two people on the course who were just too hard to take all day and I kept getting put into a group with one of them. It was like working with a tannoy. Whenever lunch time came she would ask "what are you doing" and want to tag along. While I was quite happy to have lunch once a week I did not want her every single day. So I invented a virtual "friend" that I was meeting up with, or shopping I needed to do for the other days.

Another time I was in a big office with a "matey" gang. I found that if I explained to them that I used my lunch time to catch up with Ebay (I had a shop on there) that did the trick. I used to go with them from time to time to show I was not being standoffish.

I think if you explained to your boss/workmates that you cant afford to buy lunch every day and also used the time to catch up on shopping etc they would understand. You can always make token appearances once a week or whatever suits your schedule.

We used to all take breaks together at work pre-covid but now we can't because of social distancing and obviously not able to wear masks while eating. We're all fully vaccinated but work with cancer patients so obviously have to be extremely careful. I miss chatting at lunch.

I would find this hard too. We have a staff area but thankfully it's busy enough that no single person is missed if they choose not to go. I think it would be commented on if I never went but I quite often take a solo lunch or tea break as everyone understands that people have busier days sometimes.

Your lunch breaks is exactly that "yours".
Do as you please within your break.
Shitty comments?

Just do your own thing and don't worry about others. All you need to say to your boss is you are counting steps/keeping fit/need some fresh air today. They'll get used to it soon enough.

the problem you'll have is when they all want to join you!!!!

Ignore them.

I'd just say you're off for a walk as it's the only quiet time you get between work and a baby at home.

Don't engage beyond that.

Fuck that, I work in a team of six as well in an office and none of us would act like this. We generally eat at our desks but most of the time have our heads buried in our phones or some go for a walk. We don't get the third degree. Just tell them you are getting some exercise. You don't get paid for your lunch so do with it as you please.

I'm an introvert and genuinely find socialising hard work. I love spending breaks alone, reading in peace and quiet. Breaks are unpaid short pieces of time, for you to do what you want! Enjoy them.

Can you take your lunch on your walk and eat it on a bench or something? Then your excuse can be 'need the exercise' which may sound better (to them).

In non-Covid times I go for a walk every lunchtime whilst the others eat lunch, then eat at my desk afterwards if it's too rainy to eat on the walk. They understand I need chill time because I told them! They are quite nice though, and we do make each other tea all day and chat etc. It's really not about them as people, but just a need for half an hour of silence.

YADNBU - I'm an introvert too and definitely need "recharging" time. Especially if you're with your colleagues the rest of the day, I can absolutely understand why you'd want a little time alone at lunch. It's a shame they don't understand but don't let them make you feel bad about it!

Did you say to them at tea break- I'm going to have quick lunch at my desk then go for a walk'

I hate speaking to my colleagues on my lunch. I speak to clients all day I don't want to do it on my lunch break.

Meh, just say you don’t get much “me time” with the baby around so having lunch with your own thoughts and getting some personal admin done is really what you need.