Should I speak to my neighbour?

[itsjustthewayitis]

So I moved into my own house a year ago with my 2boys (1&3) plus the dog.
There was a lot of work to be done in the house so being a single mum with the boys and decorating it took up a lot of my time.
When we moved in the garden was beautiful but I didn't maintain it, it wasn't a mess just not as loved as the old owners kept it.
My neighbours are all much older than me, mostly 70+ and they're all really lovely. The man next door lost his wife a few years ago, doesn't have much family and lockdown has been hard for him, last spring he offered to help me maintain the garden, he said he doesn't have anything to do and wanted something to help occupy him, I needed the help so agreed.
I honestly really appreciate his help and my garden is back to looking fantastic thanks to his help but now the weather is getting nicer it would be nice to get out in the garden with the boys but I feel I can't as he is here everyday just pottering around.
Sometimes my eldest goes out with him and he's so lovely with him but I have a big boisterous dog and so feel like we can't all go out there as I can tell he is a little nervous around her.

I really don't want to offend him and I don't want to tell him not to come round as it clearly gives him a purpose but wondering if it would be rude of me to try and ask him to come a little less often.

AIBU, should I just leave him be?
If not, how could I speak to him without offending him?

Talk with him. Tell him you’ve noticed he seems nervous around the dog so you want to let I’m know you’ll be out in the garden with the dog in the afternoons in nice weather and yolk understand i he eels uncomfortable coming over so often

@LongTimeMammaBear

Talk with him. Tell him you’ve noticed he seems nervous around the dog so you want to let I’m know you’ll be out in the garden with the dog in the afternoons in nice weather and yolk understand i he eels uncomfortable coming over so often

Astonishing. A sensible, measured reply in AIBU.

Poor man is lonely - yes, talk to him about less time, but also try and make some time to engage with him, partly as a thank you for the work in the garden, but also as an effort to promote community in the same way that he has, and common humanity?

Talk to him as previous poster say. You’ve unofficially adopted yourself a grand dad!

I'm jealous you have such a lovely neighbour.

Talk to him, and appreciate a good neighbour, we are not all so fortunate.

What a fab neighbour.

Totally agree that talking to him about being a bit uncertain about the dog would be best.

Great idea to explain that the dog and kids need out to exercise over the summer and mentioning what your plans are.

At the same time considering what suits him in order that he still does your garden so it remains nice, and also gets out to potter.

It would be nice if the kids were taught to respect the garden and not boot their balls into delicate plants.

My parents always told me about things like that and we were told to play in the park if the plants were in danger!

I know how it feels now I have had twenty years of kids balls from next door thumping down and destroying my flowers.

While I appreciate it’s your garden and your kids can wreck it if you allow it, it would be sad for the old chap to see his hard work ruined.

Perhaps your kids may like to plant some seeds and he could show how? A load of flower seeds costs a quid upwards. Not expensive. Sunflowers can be planted indoors in toilet rolls on a tray and planted out when growing and the frost has passed.

@LongTimeMammaBear

Talk with him. Tell him you’ve noticed he seems nervous around the dog so you want to let I’m know you’ll be out in the garden with the dog in the afternoons in nice weather and yolk understand i he eels uncomfortable coming over so often

Perfect response

This would drive me nuts. He’s always in your garden? I think you need to gently tell him no more, put a lock on the gate or whatever access it has. I would keep him in the loop and not just def him off, but he needs to allow you privacy. Also, my dogs have unrestricted access, it’s their garden, they can Tigger round as they please without me worrying they’re upsetting the neighbour.

You have made a rod for your own back, you’re going to need to let him down gently and put in boundaries, which I think may be hard, but be firm, he’s been super helpful, but now you need to regain control of your own property.

It’s lovely that he has helped you out, but I’d find it very intrusive to have him there every day. Unless you have an acre+ surely there isn’t enough to do to keep him busy every day? I’d get him a present and a card to say thank you for the help, say how grateful you are, and that you hope you can live up to his example now you’re taking back the gardening duties.

Can’t you use the dog as an excuse to reclaim eg afternoons ie mornings dog indoors so neighbour free to potter?

@LongTimeMammaBear

Talk with him. Tell him you’ve noticed he seems nervous around the dog so you want to let I’m know you’ll be out in the garden with the dog in the afternoons in nice weather and yolk understand i he eels uncomfortable coming over so often

Err, excuse me but this is AIBU, OP should clearly put a penguin bollard in front of her gate so he can't get in and call 111, not speak to the neighbour about it