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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think lockdown suits introverted people?

140 replies

ssd · 05/04/2021 17:54

Its quite suited me, I'm pretty introverted. I like company, one or two people but i feel lost in a big gathering. I don't like parties or forced get togethers. I live my own company. I've got friends but no family to meet up with.

Lockdown hasn't been a million miles away to my usual life.

Don't know if I'm a weirdo or fairly typical?

OP posts:
Silverfly · 05/04/2021 20:21

It has suited my DH (introvert) and my mum (introvert) and I know a couple of people who've found it particularly hard (extroverts).

For me though, I would generally call myself an extrovert and I have been fine. Of course it helps that I have a lovely DH and my DC are old enough to be fairly independent with homeschooling. Still though, I'm surprised. Maybe I am more of an introvert than I think I am?

MinnieJackson · 05/04/2021 20:22

I have loved it. I have agoraphobia and it's been really nice to not need to worry about appointments and things like that for weeks in advance. I can go for a drive and to the park (sometimes I can leave the car, sometimes not). I had a major wobble when I had my covid jab (despite my sedatives) but the people were so lovely. When I went back to the car because I couldn't walk the 100 meters to the centre I just thought 'fine, I won't get it then' and I felt a mixture of relief and so so much shame. My husband explained and came back to the car, they let us park directly opposite, go in the same room, retrace my steps etc so I could see the car (I know I'm strange). I try and push myself all the time and I've found that people are very kind but I still probably won't go out of I don't have to. It's a pain for everyone else if I have to keep leaving a meal to walk back to the car etc

MumofPsuedoAdult · 05/04/2021 20:36

As an extreme extrovert I think you're probably right. I've really struggled with the lack of stimulation outside the home. My personal battery has been running on empty for months and I'm absolutely climbing the walls. I have introverted colleagues (I've been WFH throughout) who I talk to daily who are loving it, and would be absolutely fine if we never went back to the office.

MarshaBradyo · 05/04/2021 20:38

I don’t know where I fit as I need social interaction and time alone but I haven’t found that lockdown suits me at all - I seem to miss both.

DesignforLife · 05/04/2021 20:42

I'm an introvert but can't wait for all this to be over. This year has come close to breaking me but it has little to do with people. It's all about places and activities for me. I may be introverted but I'm as far from a homebody as it's possible to be. In normal times, I would see a day around the house as a day wasted and would (at weekends) be up and out as early as possible and not come home until the early evening. I'd go for long walks (currently not possible due to lack of toilets), mooch around shops (seems a crime to admit to enjoying this now), go to museums, galleries, cinema, theatre, cafes, restaurants etc. I'd often jump on a train to another city and spend the day there. I'd do most if this on my own or with DH. Having anyone else around would ruin the experience for me. I love busy places with hustle and bustle going on but only when it is happening around me rather than towards me iyswim. I used to live in one of the busiest, noisiest cities in the world (not UK) and was never happier than when I was alone in the throng. I feel that the very essence of my being has been ripped away this year. I feel imprisoned but also feel that there is something wrong with me when everyone else is talking about missing people and I miss places and activities but not people.

I do have some good friends whom I'd love to see but I much prefer seeing friends on a one-to-one basis rather than in a group. Unsurprisingly they all prefer the big group gatherings though. That said, this year has also brought the hell of zoom nights in! At least in person, we do tend to naturally peel off into smaller conversations whereas with zoom it's just constant noise with everyone talking over each other and then the person with the loudest voice holding court. I've been known to sit in silence for a couple of hours, hating every minute but knowing I'll sign up to the next one because everyone knows I have nothing else going on. In person gatherings are the lesser of the two evils imo. I just dread being faced with a bombardment of invitations to things which will further delay my return to my normal life of days out.

A pp mentioned workplaces normally being set up for extroverts. I agree but don't think lockdown has changed this for me. If anything it's worse with the same meetings and activities now happening online so I get the usual feelings of anxiety and being drained by the fast-paced interactions but now with the added bonus of eye-strain! Again, being back in the workplace would be the lesser of two evils here.

Original poster
ssd · 05/04/2021 20:46

I'm almost relieved to discover why I've felt so out if place a lot. I don't like big gatherings unless I'm totally comfortable. There's so many things I'm almost expected to attend and i start making my excuses as soon as i hear about it. Like a pp, i just want to say 'I hope you have a wonderful wedding, and are very happy, but please don't be offended if i don't come, its my idea of hell'....but i don't, i grin and bear it. How lovely to be able to be honest.

This thread has made me see its because I'm introverted, not because I'm unsociable and silly, weddings etc just don't do it for me.

OP posts:
LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 05/04/2021 20:49

I’m a massive introvert, being stuck at home 24/7 for months on end with DH and DC isn’t fun. There’s always people everywhere! Much rather be out and about enjoying life.

TheBullfinch · 05/04/2021 20:51

It suited me as I bubbled and worked from home, plus I'm single and have a large house and garden but I really missed travelling and holidays and day trips and just being able to come and go as i pleased. Freedom in other words. I've never needed social interaction to feel ok though.

SuddenArborealStop · 05/04/2021 20:51

@LibrariesGiveUsPower45321

I’m a massive introvert, being stuck at home 24/7 for months on end with DH and DC isn’t fun. There’s always people everywhere! Much rather be out and about enjoying life.
I came to say exactly this.... I AM NEVER ALONE...I long to send everyone away but there's nowhere to send them
JokeTheCoalman · 05/04/2021 20:57

I'm an introvert but don't like having personal freedoms taken away from me. So no it's not worked for me

jessstan2 · 05/04/2021 20:58

It has suited me too, ssd.

GOODCAT · 05/04/2021 21:03

I am an introvert and hate it. My life hasn't massively changed either, still going to work but there is hardly anyone else there, been able to do usual hobbies all the way through, except swimming. Really miss seeing my colleagues, family and friends in person.

Oddly of the people I work with the happiest have been the most extroverted, the most stressed have been those with young kids and the most unhappy have been the really introverted.

Wrenna · 05/04/2021 21:05

Yanbu at all!!

Rewis · 05/04/2021 21:09

I don't think it can be divided into introvert/extrovert. There are so many other aspects that override how you get energy. I think it is more about your circumstance. Living alone, having kids home schooled, being able to wfh or still need to physically go to work, elderly parents to take care, what your hobbies are, how your lifestyle has changed. I think these have a bigger effect.

But you are not being unreasonable to feel that lockdown has suited you.

Blacktothepink · 05/04/2021 21:14

Yanbu...not looking forward to social events I will be expected to attend eventually.

Heyha · 05/04/2021 21:21

I always thought I was quite sociable but am finding myself very resistant to the expectation that friends have that we all want to fill our spare time doing "stuff" now we can meet up outdoors.

No. I want to see my family (and some of my in-laws...) and have little short pop in for coffee in the garden catchups with local friends. Not trek miles to sit in outside in a different cold venue every weekend.
I think my social life will never go back to how it was in 2019 and I'm honestly not sorry.

wishywashywoowoo70 · 05/04/2021 21:22

It's totally suits me too.

More than 2/3 and I'm itching to leave wherever I am. Social gatherings with more than 5 people get on my nerves.

I'm happy not to go out and haven't missed it at all
I'd be even happier if DH has to go back into work a couple of times a week too be used in used to having a day off on my own. Everyone in my house all the sodding time is annoying the shit out of me

Totallyworthit · 05/04/2021 21:25

@LyndaSnellsSniff

I’m a strange mix. I’m an introvert but I want to be included and feel hurt if I’m not. BUT if I am invited to something I’ll feel anxious about going. It’s like I don’t want to do social things but at the same time, I don’t want anybody else to do things without me!

So lockdown has suited me because it allowed me to avoid social situations but I could also feel comfortable in the knowledge that nobody else was out having fun without me.

Our neighbours are incredibly sociable and in normal times have different people round each weekend. We rarely have anyone round and I’m so conscious of our lack of friends. I guess I’m envious of extroverts but I know I’m introverted and always have been.

Like I said, a strange mix!

I’m like this! It was amazing not to have to go to the office Christmas do last year and, I’ve spent the last 12 months, not worrying about the neighbours thinking we never go anywhere or have any visitors. I feel safe at home.
SaveWaterDrinkGin · 05/04/2021 21:26

It’s funny, DH and I were discussing this the other day and we said besides not being able to see friends and family and missing having some meals out, there really isn’t that much we’ve missed! Schools being closed has been incredibly tough and we’re very lucky that DH has been able to work throughout, but it’s really not been too bad for us. We’re not exactly introverts but not big socialisers either. We quite like our own company.

eatsleepread · 05/04/2021 21:27

Suits me too, OP! You are not alone. Oh, you know what I mean!

Twattergy · 05/04/2021 21:29

I think being introverted (as I am) helped me to deal with lowdown #1 pretty well. I think the introvert's basic settings of liking peace and quiet, calmness and the comfort of home was a real advantage at the start because the concept of lockdown was not anxiety inducing as it might be for an extrovert. However, like others on this thread, I have found lockdown #2 very hard, more for the lack of day to day variety of activities than not being able to see lots of people socially. Like many other introverts I dislike small talk and love deep and meaningful interactions, so zoom socials are my idea of hell. I am looking forward to small group meets with close friends, access to culture, live events, mooching around different locations. Big parties etc, not so much, but then I'm old enough to not get invited to many anymore thank god!

MrsHastingslikethebattle · 05/04/2021 21:29

Funnily enough, me and my best friend were talking about this the other day.

Our partners who ate introverted, quiet, gamers and don't mind lockdown much.
However, my and him are loud, sociable, like to be out, its affected us loads and sent us both demented.

Maverick66 · 05/04/2021 21:29

It has been bliss for me.
Before this I had quite a busy house with lots of callers ..now I can sit all evening knowing I won't be disturbed .

Titsywoo · 05/04/2021 21:35

I wouldn't describe it as loving it but I haven't struggled too much bar the first lockdown when the kids were off school and I found remote learning so hard. I am still working part-time (now from home) and also running my own business which I started 3 years ago but which grew hugely last year. I think being so busy with that and being the sort of person who socialises once a month or so has meant I have been ok. There are some things I have really missed including having some time to myself which as an introvert is massively important and which (with a DH now working from home fulltime and teens who are in so much more) has been basically non-existant!

3CCC · 05/04/2021 21:40

Yanbu I'm an introvert and I've loved my own company not having to really socialise and just going for walks with the dog and watching Netflix

However I worry that I'll forget the skills fo socialise with strangers. Like small talk

Ive occasionally I've seen friends this past year and I'm a key worker so been at work so been in contact with people there

But I'm at some point going to be introduced to new people in a social setting and I'm not sure if I'll know quite what to do