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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you deal with a hyperactive partner

24 replies

StripedTrousers · 05/04/2021 17:43

I don't know if hyperactive is the right description but DP just keeps bursting out in song or energy and I can't deal with it. I'm tired and he just seems to go through angry and moody to singing bloody queen at the top of his lungs and appearing, imo, hyper. I honestly want to scream at him to STFU and leave me alone but it's like he needs to keep on at me, picking away. My chest feels tight and heavy and I've had enough. Obviously I won't scream at him but I just want peace and quiet for one night without having to second guess what mood he is going to be in and how to deal with these hyper outbursts.

OP posts:
TristantheTyrannosaurus · 05/04/2021 17:45

I would have dumped early on.

RoseyMinerals · 05/04/2021 17:51

There's some disorder there. Has he lived alone before? Do his parents stand him? Sounds like torture anyhow. I couldn't deal with it... It's not a foible but a full on attention seeking personality.

Exhausted4ever · 05/04/2021 17:51

Yeah I'd have left.
But it could be bipolar

Emeraldshamrock · 05/04/2021 17:57

He sounds like me especially the queen song. Grin Can he find an interest away from you? I'm not a sitter or a relaxed person, it annoys DP but he annoys me procrastinating and relaxing, it is ying/yang he enjoys my energy I'm going hours after him with the DC when he has nothing left.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/04/2021 18:21

I couldn't live like this, op. Why can't you just admit the two of you aren't suited and end it? He doesn't just sound "hyper", he sounds abusive.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 05/04/2021 18:21

Patio asap.

Original poster
StripedTrousers · 05/04/2021 18:23

That's the thing I'm actually more energetic than he is but I'm also more mood balanced. He isn't. He has highs and lows and seems to enjoy trying to wind me up. It's definitely got worse as the world got smaller but I'm at saturation point now and I don't know how to deal with it.

He has lived alone but he craves people. However I don't think to talk too but to be a sounding board for his ramblings.

OP posts:
Original poster
StripedTrousers · 05/04/2021 18:25

@Aquamarine1029 I guess because I hope to be able to resolve it. Maybe it can't be though. Is it abusive?

OP posts:
therocinante · 05/04/2021 18:39

Having fluctuating moods is not abusive for god's sake.

YANBU to find him annoying. I'm similar - quite up and down, my mood changes very quickly - and I know previous partners have found that annoying. Thankfully now I'm with another person with ADHD varying moods and we just roll with the general feel.

But maybe you're just not a good fit, that's okay too.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/04/2021 18:54

Having fluctuating moods is not abusive for god's sake.

It absolutely can be abusive and it is in this case. The op says, "He has highs and lows and seems to enjoy trying to wind me up." Her partner irritates her on prupose to make her miserable. That IS abuse.

TristantheTyrannosaurus · 05/04/2021 18:58

It's not abusive but it's unsustainable for most. Why do you keep trying to make this work? He doesn't seem to be very proactive on changing himself.

Original poster
StripedTrousers · 05/04/2021 19:06

@TristantheTyrannosaurus the usual got the whole nine yards together and it was never an issue before but now we are stuck in more it has either got worse or I'm around more to notice it/unable to escape it.

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 05/04/2021 19:08

Are you married. Could you live separately but still see him, then you will get some peace and quiet.

TristantheTyrannosaurus · 05/04/2021 19:11

[quote StripedTrousers]@TristantheTyrannosaurus the usual got the whole nine yards together and it was never an issue before but now we are stuck in more it has either got worse or I'm around more to notice it/unable to escape it.[/quote]
But you are. Time to split up. You are a saint for having put up with this it this long!

Original poster
StripedTrousers · 05/04/2021 19:19

Not married but can't afford to live separately but together iyswim.

@TristantheTyrannosaurus thank you. If we did it would be another thing for me to have to deal with and more dramatics. It's so exhausting.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 05/04/2021 19:27

When the relationship devolves into more bad than good, it's time to end it.

spidermomma · 05/04/2021 19:41

Send him the shop and lock him out, leave an overnight bag on the door and a note saying your mums waiting 😁👍🏼

billysboy · 05/04/2021 19:42

ADHD ?

Hhusky · 05/04/2021 19:48

Oh god everything is abuse these days.
If it's not working then leave for goodness sake. Go get someone that suits you better and let him him find someone who loves him for who he is.

Woodlandbelle · 05/04/2021 19:56

He sounds a bit bored. But irritating. Have serious chat to him earlier on in the day that it's not working out if he continues this and mean it.

Emeraldshamrock · 05/04/2021 20:06

I see his moods are a problem too. Can you flat-share somewhere else if he is really irritating you.

LadyDangerfield · 05/04/2021 20:12

I'd have thought ADHD & or bipolar. I take it he's undiagnosed hence he's not able to regulate himself. He needs to see the GP for a diagnosis and treatment for mood regulation plus intervention for his manic behaviour.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/04/2021 20:19

Even if he does have ADHD, or anything else, it's irrelevant. The op is miserable, and no potential diagnosis would require her to tolerate his behaviour.

LadyDangerfield · 05/04/2021 20:22

I didn't say she should stay with him, I suggested that the partner seeing the GP might help his behaviour. The op should do what suits her & makes her happy, he clearly doesn't so she needs to dump him.

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