How do I ask this without offending her?

[tututastic]

Hi,

I live in England, I moved here a couple of years ago from the US so just wanted to check in on something before I made a faux pas.

Today, as I was reversing into my drive I noticed a very elderly woman (guessing 85+) with a zimmerframe on the opposite sidewalk struggling to pull her bins up the drive. I wanted to offer help but once I’d parked safely and got DD2 out, she’d gone back into her house.

Would it be ok to offer to put her bins in and out for her? I’m not a direct neighbour so I don’t really know her. I don’t want to just start grabbing her bins without asking but not sure if it’s a bit weird to ask? I’m a bit wary of ringing her bell these days as she seemed frail, should I put a note in her letterbox?

Next time you see her just offer and say you can put out her bins for her if she likes. The council round here will come and get your bin if you are vulnerable so it might be worth looking into that too.

That's a lovely thing to do- a note with your number maybe?

Yes just offer.

Knock and ask. As long as you stand well back she'll probably enjoy seeing a friendly face.

No harm in asking if you can help, as long as you can genuinely do it regularly.

And as pp said, she should also be able to get on the Assisted Collection Register with your local council.

We all out bins out for our neighbours if needed, it’s a nice and normal task. Knock and ask her.

A note
Or send one of your dc around - then seems more causal

Thanks all, I’ll knock as that seems to be the consensus. I don’t usually see her, I’ve lived here for 18 months and there is a gentleman who usually puts the bins out (he looks 70ish and less frail) so maybe she has family that does it normally but not this time?

No, I personally would not knock

A note

I assume the bins are being collected tomorrow so once they are empty I'd bring hers back for her and knock on her door and ask her then.

Knock on and ask. She'll probably be glad of the help.

I'd knock. My aunt is elderly but won't let the council do it as she had to unlock her gate the night before and says she feel vulnerable with that. I live 22 miles away do can't Do it every week,her neighbour now brings it to the gate,massive help

That's really kind Op

I do my neighbours bins as he is elderly. He can still do them himself but I like to make sure he doesn't need to.

What a kind thing to think of offering to do I’d pop over introduce yourself and offer, it’s also nice for neighbours to get to know each other so I think it’s a nice thing to do

Put a note in the letterbox to tell her your name, which house you live in, give her your phone number and offer to do the bins for her.

Then next time you see her, go and say hello and mention the bins again.

I always take my neighbour's bins back in, never thought to ask him but he's always at work and they often get dumped outside my house. I'd have thought, if you've seen her struggling, then she might be grateful for the assistance. I'd go and knock. Not everyone likes phoning a random stranger's number.

You sound like a really nice person and I am sure this lady will recognise your offer in the spirit in which you intended.

I asked my neighbour a few doors down when I saw him on bin day but he said it's ok they come and get his because of his age.
My other (direct) neighbour in my last house was a bit younger - in his 70s - he would bring ours in if he was bringing his anyway and we would return the favour, so it was an unspoken agreement.
I think in your case i would probably just knock and ask. No need to be all weird and post a note through - I've always found elderly neighbours to be happy to answer the door and mine often popped round themselves with baking if they had made too much or a present when we had a new baby which was so kind.
It's nice to let elderly neighbours know theres someone nearby they can call on if there's a problem or emergency.

I'd knock, she may be glad of someone to speak to, even if only for a quick "I though it might help..." 🙂

If you pop a letter through how would she reply, and she won't know if it's you when you do it, whereas if she's seen you she will know what you are doing if she sees you on her drive

I think it's lovely of you to notice and offer 🙂

TBH I think most councils will provide older or disabled people with help to move their bins. You might check on their website. If they do, ask her if she knows about this.

I don't think you would offend her by asking. The worst that would happen is that she'd say no thank you, I'm fine.

My husband's 93 year old grandmother lives in her own house still with her husband and lives down a bit of a slope, so her getting her bins in and out is a real issue for her. Despite having young, fit neighbours, none of them offer to help, which I think is really sad (we live 4 hours away before anyone suggests we should be helping - we would if we could!).

So absolutely go and offer, even if she doesn't take you up on it, she'll probably appreciate the gesture. I would talk to her directly though, rather than a note.

I realize this isn't really what you are asking but I adore the fact that 6 weeks ago someone started putting my bin out and bringing it back in. I have no idea who and yet I love them dearly for it.

My mums next door neighbour puts her bin out and she brings both bins in, easy for her when they're empty.
I could put hers out but I feel like I'm taking his job off him, they've been doing it for years.
If I were you I'd offer especially to put the bin out when it's heavy, it's a nice gesture

That's nice of you OP. I bet she would appreciate it. I put my elderly neighbours bin out and get it back in for her every week.