Do I need a slap? Ruining my life with poor choices

[ShakerMakerGirl]

Can someone please knock some sense into me and give me a virtual slap.

I'm obese, I've got 2 children one 4 and one 5 weeks. I'm completely ruining my life and my kids lives because of my obsession with overeating. Its a 20 year bad habit started due to childhood trauma. This has been overcome with cbt and I still ruin my life with food.
Everyday I tell myself I am going to be better tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes.

My life has been difficult because I have been a carer to my mother since I was 11 and fear I will create similar situation for my own children because of my own poor choices.

I know 2 people my age that have died recently due to lifestyle choices or it at least contributed (one heart attack and one covid) both had young kids. Still has not stopped me choosing this terrible lifestyle!

I get headaches everyday, get out of breath easily and shout at my 4 year old because I have no energy or patience.

I love my children so much. Yet I continue on this path. Do I need some strong words?!

Thank you for all the kind words and I really appreciate the advice. I've joined the April weightless thread suggested, I will make some healthier choices and start with brisk walking 10,000 steps daily. I always eat a healthy dinner with my daughter so that's sorted but normally skip breakfast and sometimes lunch and eat lots of junk snacks instead so will make sure I eat breakfast.
I know what to do. Its actually doing it and sticking it out. I'm a very all or nothing person, we spoke about this in therapy but I need to make sure I find a middle ground and not throw in the towel when I slip up. I have also downloaded brain over binge, it'll be my middle of the night feeding read!

Please don’t beat yourself if you don’t manage 10,000 steps straight away or very day, the important thing is to keep going. Sometimes life gets in the way. I have struggled with an all or nothing approach, under my target I feel like I am failing so I have 8,000 steps per day or I set a weekly target. Sometimes I do more, days like today I have scraped through. Perhaps keep this thread updated too and we can cheer you along

Just a quickie as you're in our gang now but speak to your GP about EMDR therapy.

I would try and change the way you talk to yourself. Be kinder to yourself, this then reinforces acts of kindness toward yourself. Your body is your vehicle through life, you have got to honour it. I often use phrases like " just for today ..... l want to eat nourishing food" makes It less of a chore, rather than saying l shouldnt eat whatever etc.
I also agree a short walk in fresh air works wonders, for both mental and physical health.
Have faith in yourself,.you can do it, l also bought myself a hula hoop, quite good fun especially if you put some music on, l just do a few minutes here and there . Good luck.