We have a 5mo DD, the first grandchild on both sides of the family. Everyone has been very excited about DD which is lovely. My relationship with the in laws is generally good but I did withdraw a bit from them during my pregnancy because they started inviting us over every weekend, MIL and SIL (the girlfriend of MIL’s oldest son) kept trying to ‘plan’ the nursery etc. Nothing major but it was a bit claustrophobic and we have quite different world views so I didn’t envision starting to spend every weekend with them with our DD (I think this might have been their intention by trying to increase contact).
We still see the in laws regularly now DD is here but I am struggling with SIL. When we see them, SIL is constantly grabbing DD to hold her. I’m not so precious that I don’t like other people holding my baby but I literally have to tell her to put DD in the pram/hand her back because we are trying to leave or she is crying for a feed. If I take DD away to settle her for a nap SIL objects but in a sort of passive aggressive way ‘silly mummy you’re not ready for a nap are you?’ ‘you’re not hungry are you? Mummy only just fed you’. She keeps going on about giving DD solids (we have chosen to wait until she is 6mo) ‘your mummy is STARVING you on just her milk’.
I have been trying to convince myself that I’m reading too much into it and SIL is just very excited about the new baby but we went to PILs for Easter lunch and it was constant. SIL definitely does not make these comments when it is DH doing things for the baby. I’m starting to feel like SIL is trying to undermine me and whilst I don’t actually feel undermined because I am confident in caring for my baby I would like to deal with this in a tactical manner. What do I do? I think I just said something silly like ‘mummy knows baby best’ when SIL was trying to block DD’s nap. Or should I just ignore it? I don’t want to fall out with anyone and it seems too low level for direct confrontation but I also want to be assertive so no one tries to undermine me on the really important things.
For context SIL really wants a baby but she and BIL were unsuccessfully ttc for a few months before putting it on hold so SIL could deal with some (straightforward) health issues first. SIL also goes for breakfast, shopping etc with MIL whereas MIL and I do not have that kind of relationship so I can’t say anything to her.