MIL comments on children/food?

[leggingsandwellies]

So I have a long standing history of eating disorders which I'm currently getting support for. I'm determined that as much as possible myself and DH aren't going to comment on what/how much our children eat or what size they are- DH is very much in agreement with this. Our two DC are both very young- newborn and young toddler.

Every week DH video calls his mum who lives abroad. Because of the time difference this is usually around when DC1 is having lunch. More and more frequently MIL has been remarking on how much DC1 eats saying things like 'this child has a remarkable appetite', 'gosh, even MORE food' etc. She came to visit last year and even then was saying things like 'oh it's ok for him to eat lots of blueberries as they're only a couple of calories a berry'. She also comments on how big he is a lot (he's big but healthy- 97th percentile for height and 94th for weight and has followed the same trend since birth). Should I say anything? At the moment he is too young to take it in but that won't be the case forever. Or am I being overly sensitive?

I know it's likely to continue if nothing is said as MIL also freely comments on if I have gained/lost weight and talks a lot about herself if she's on a diet etc.

It’s hard to have a long distance relationship with family. To show interest yet only be aware of a minuscule portion of the day is hard as a grandparent.
I’d try and change up the meal time or call time so that the topic can be toys and development.

Good idea to alter time of the call. I would not be happy if it continues (I think I would say something), hopefully a new time would solve some of the issues.

I doubt she means to be critical by her comments. She probably admires the fact that he is a 'good little eater' (mine was called that by older people). Don't read too much into it.

Does your son eating lunch have to be visible on your husband's zoom calls with his mother? I would have thought he could have had the call somewhere out of sight and your boy appearing later to smile and chat to her.

Your DH should be putting a stop to her comments on your weight.

If she knows about your eating disorders then she’s either being very thick or nasty to mention it.

@leggingsandwellies This would bother me too OP. Agree with others about trying to change the time of the call but I’d probably also talk to her about it.
I’ve already had the chat with my MIL and baby is only 5m old 🙄 DS is 9ish over 75th centile and MIL is constantly commenting on his size. Obviously he has no idea but she’ll chat to him on FaceTime and it’s always “what on earth is your mummy feeding you?! That’s an awful big belly for a little boy!”, “when are we going to get you on a diet, you chunky little man?” 🙄 he’s fine. He’s been a big boy since birth. Lost a bit of weight due to reflux issues and because he’s put it back on quite quickly since getting his medication sorted, she thinks he’s out of control 🙄
Told him today that he needs to diet before restrictions lift and she’s allowed to cuddle him again because at this rate it will hurt her back to hold him 🙄
This is the same woman who wants me to wean him on Rusks thought 🙈

*just over the 75th

Move the time of the call and get DH to ask her to stop. It's not healthy to talk about dieting, amount of food eaten, good foods/bad foods...for anyone!

This sounds very typical of extended family who seem to offer opinions and commenting on more Modern parenting styles or habits.

Family love to compare and query the parents.

Do they know you had an eating disorder?
I would be happy in yourself as the Mother that you know what your child needs and likes, is thriving? then that is your response.
As pp suggests show the children after mealtime with toys.
(MIL jokes exist for this reason)

Thanks all. I'll try to get DH to move the time of call. She's obviously not being intentionally hurtful, and I suspect there is an element of being proud that her grandson eats so well, but some of the comments go over the line and definitely would have stuck with me if they had been directed at me as a child.

She does know I used to suffer with eating disorders as DH mentioned it to her soonish after we started dating (which was over 10 years ago) so she has either forgotten or doesn't realise it's still an issue.

I think it's a control thing for me maybe and I need to realise I can't control what other people say around my children, I just have to try to provide the best environment for my children to thrive in when they're in my company, as much as I can, and hope that's enough?

Stay away when she calls. Ignore her comments. I took too much shot from my mil, never again: