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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to NOT want the money put into ds trustfund?

18 replies

NurseryMum · 10/11/2007 12:30

My xp has never paid me much maintenance, i was supposed to get £5 a week when he was claiming benefits, i think i got 2 payments of £10 into my account and then it stopped altogether.

He is self employed now so the csa are having a hard time getting money out of him. He sees ds once a week, this week he came to pick him up suited and booted with a work pass hanging from his jacket so he is obviously doing paid work!

Then he askd me for details of ds's CTF account so he can start topping it up! AIBU to want any money he can afford to give ds to go on food and clothes and not into his CTF?

OP posts:
Flame · 10/11/2007 12:44

Ooh tricky - I can see your reasoning (money given to us for DC during the year tends to go on outings etc rather than savings iyswim because we can't afford it otherwise), but (as much as I hate to admit it) I can see the reasoning with the XP that this way "you" won't be getting "his" money.

XPs can be wankers.

So, not unreasonable at all and I would be narked, but I can see his twisted way of thinking.

Voodoo doll perhaps?

Original poster
NurseryMum · 10/11/2007 12:48

i havent given him the account details yet. i was thinking of telling him, once he starts contributing regularly to ds's upkeep, ie nappies, food, clothes. then i will forward any money he wants to go into the ctf. is this unfair?

OP posts:
JeremyVile · 10/11/2007 12:53

It's called maintenance for a reason - to assist in maintaining his child.
Putting money into a trust fund for later in his life is a great idea - if it's over and above the maintenance.

He's a fool.

Flame · 10/11/2007 12:54

Sounds fair to me. Even if he just buys the nappies once a week would start - collect him, and then bring him back with a week's worth of nappies and wipes.

Original poster
NurseryMum · 10/11/2007 12:54

please, someone must have some advice, xp is due back soon with ds so i know i am going to mention something to him but i want it to be fair!

OP posts:
Original poster
NurseryMum · 10/11/2007 12:54

oops sorry x-posts

OP posts:
Hekate · 10/11/2007 12:58

Why not do a budget, detailing how much it costs to feed your son, clothe him, pay for other things for him, a roof over his head, the water he drinks, heating it for bathing him, electricity, a holiday, christmas...

The true financial cost of your child.

And ask him why he's not paying half.

JeremyVile · 10/11/2007 12:59

Tell him it's a wonderful idea to put money in the trust fund - but he legally has to pay maintenance which is for the day to day 'maintaining' of his child; food, clothes, bills for the home he lives in etc...

He cant argue with that - and if he does, tell him to speak to a solicitor who will soon put him right.

Original poster
NurseryMum · 10/11/2007 13:06

thats a really good idea hekate, i am going to do that as i dont think he realises how much it really does cost! including the £400 a month i spend on nursery fees!

OP posts:
Bouncingturtle · 10/11/2007 13:21

Yes, he has got his priorities wrong he should be contributing to ds's upbringing first. Contributions to the child trust find should be over and above this.

clam · 10/11/2007 16:47

Well? What did he say??!!

LuckyUnderpants · 10/11/2007 17:25

i decided to ring him before he comes as didnt want to start an arguement infront of ds. i told him i would forward any money he wants to put in ds ctf once he starts contributing regularly, he said ok but needs to sort out his finances before he can contribute hes been saying this for the past year!

anyway i started ranting then and pointed out he hasnt even bought as much as a pair of socks for ds, and that even if he could just buy a pack of nappies it would be a big help, after all he can affors to go to the shops and buy cigerettes so why cant he afford nappies ffs! anyway i got of the phone quick before i got too annoyed as started telling him he should be ashamed of himself for

LuckyUnderpants · 10/11/2007 17:32

oops just realised i name changed for this post oh well its not like im a troll

NAB3littlemonkeys · 10/11/2007 18:14

If he has a work pass, check the firm he works for and tell the CSA.

Why is it Dad's are willing to pay their children's costs when living with them but as soon as they are not a few of them get all tight with their money? Makes me cross.

LuckySalem · 10/11/2007 18:23

Only read the OP (which I really shouldn't do) but......

I see where he's coming from in that he wants to make sure that his child gets the money and not you BUT he is being an arse if he won't pay for normal upkeep.

Find out where he works tell the CSA and let them deal with it. It's not your worry.

If I was you i'd give him the account number for the trust fund then tell the CSA that you still need MAINTENANCE payments and make sure he knows this is what you're going to do.

Keep smiling and just think eventually he will get his comeupance.

Bouncingturtle · 10/11/2007 18:36

LU - it's ok, we won't tell
So what was his response, or is he stewing now?

LuckyUnderpants · 10/11/2007 19:56

he dropped off a cheque for £50 when he brought ds home, said i shamed him into it. its a start at least just wish i didnt have to have a go at him to get a response, and probably wont get any more from him until i decide to have another rant!

NAB3 i have told the csa he is working even gave them the name of a client he did a website for but they have done f' all about it!

Hekate · 10/11/2007 20:11

Isn't it pathetic that a 'man' has to be shamed into providing for his child.

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