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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arghhh. Feels like kids are demanding.

38 replies

LadyWithTheWine · 04/04/2021 21:18

How do you deal with demanding children? My children won't even give me peace to talk on the phone any more. There are constant interruptions (like every few seconds) as soon as anyone calls me and I'm pretty sure they can do a lot of stuff they insist on me doing. How do I deal with this and make them more independent? They are seven and nine. It's stuff like "I cannot find the remote control" or "I'm thirsty." I am sure they could just look for the remote or get themselves water. I'm a single parent and it gets a bit much. End of rant.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyWithTheWine · 04/04/2021 21:19

Bed times with the seven year old sometimes take 1.5 hours. She insists she needs hugged to sleep.

OP posts:
Nextyearwillbefun · 04/04/2021 21:22

I think you have to be strong. If my 5 year old is thirsty I tell him to get a drink. If cant find remote them cant turn telly on. They will soon learn!

BurbageBrook · 04/04/2021 21:25

You need to toughen up a bit, hugging a 7 year old to sleep is insane! And if you’re on the phone and they want something, tell them to wait. If they continue to interrupt, warn them of a consequence e.g. no TV.

folloyourarro · 04/04/2021 21:28

Another vote for toughen up. You aren't doing yourself or your children any favours pandering to them to that extent at those ages. Learn to say no and teach them some resilience as a PP said so they can address their own needs.

Original poster
LadyWithTheWine · 04/04/2021 21:28

Maybe I have spoiled them rotten.

OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 04/04/2021 21:28

But you’re in charge.

You tell them. And you’re hugging a 7 year old to sleep?! Because she ‘insists’?! Sorry, but no. You’re being taken for a ride.

Why are you letting them behave this way?

Original poster
LadyWithTheWine · 04/04/2021 21:29

It's good to get feedback. Thank you.

OP posts:
MazekeenSmith · 04/04/2021 21:29

Umm you set down rules and if they don't follow them you get cross and/or set a consequence
Pretty basic stuff really

Original poster
LadyWithTheWine · 04/04/2021 21:30

I do set down rules but my daughter is bursting into tears a lot and she may be putting it on of course.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyWithTheWine · 04/04/2021 21:31

I obviously need to be a lot stricter.

OP posts:
danceswithdustbins · 04/04/2021 21:33

Nothing wrong with cuddling to sleep in my opinion - comfort and closeness are basic needs I think and if she 'needs' it, she needs it. Only you can really tell if it's a process she needs to get to sleep or a power thing to stress you out?

Numbersarefun · 04/04/2021 21:33

I used to get mine to hold my hand if they wanted something and I would squeeze to let them know I knew they wanted something, but they knew they would have to wait until I was ready.

Original poster
LadyWithTheWine · 04/04/2021 21:34

Her brother has a disability so perhaps sometimes she feels like he gets all the attention.

OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 04/04/2021 21:35

@danceswithdustbins sure, for very young children. Occasionally for older children, if they’re upset or worried. Every night for a seven year old with no additional needs? No.

therestissilence · 04/04/2021 21:37

I hug DD (6) to sleep, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it (single mother too). I enjoy it, though, and don't have another child like you do. You must be knackered .

But to others saying this practice is strange, I disagree. I think it's rather lovely. (If you have the time and will for it, of course).

MaLarkinn · 04/04/2021 21:37

@Numbersarefun good idea! Better than their neck Grin

Ok, sounds tough for you. Has she always needed a hug to go to sleep, would a big cuddly toy be a substitute for you?

Original poster
LadyWithTheWine · 04/04/2021 21:38

I have to lay down beside her every night. She used to go to bed on her own and we have somehow regressed.

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Idontgiveagriffindamn · 04/04/2021 21:39

I’m not going to comment on the bedtime as everyone has their own way of doing that. But the other stuff at 7 and 9 they can surely get their own drinks, find the remote etc.
They’ll probably whinge for a while but it will be worth it

dinochum · 04/04/2021 21:39

Anything happened with your daughter that may have triggered her neediness?

I'm a little different in my approach. May help, may not...
"I can't find the remote"
"Sad times. If I find it first then I'm turning the TV off/putting on what I want"
Then follow through and take the remote with you.

"I need a drink"
"Well go on then... and talk them through doing it themselves"

Hugs to sleep may be a desperate want for 1:1 attention?
I know being alone's hard AF (I've only been alone for 3 months, I'm learning) but are there any opportunities to offer 1:1 time (30 min or so) when it's not night time... so you can say at night "I love you, I'll give you a cuddle for 5 minutes and after that I'm going to do laundry etc" and know she's ok.
Then just return her to bed every time she gets out?

Original poster
LadyWithTheWine · 04/04/2021 21:39

A big cuddly toy might be just the ticket!

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Original poster
LadyWithTheWine · 04/04/2021 21:42

@dinochum I think you are spot on about the one to one attention. She does seem to crave that. Her dad has been a dick and not bothered with them for 4/5 months now. He doesn't even call.

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Boeufsurletoit · 04/04/2021 21:43

We go through similar phases of the children playing up when I'm on the phone or speaking to people. I'm a single mum with 2 DC 6 and 8. I wonder if the other posters commenting are single parents? I think that one adult in the house (and maybe after a tough few years if you're anything like us) can contribute to a dynamic where this happens. I worked from home full time and homeschooled through lockdown, and they worked/ entertained themselves independently for hours at a time every day, but they can still get quite demanding when someone else calls or has my attention unexpectedly. I don't really understand why tbh, but I'm wondering if lone parenting plays a part somehow? There are plenty of rules and consequences here, and it still happens.

Original poster
LadyWithTheWine · 04/04/2021 21:46

Thanks @Boeufsurletoit they are happy to ignore me for hours and then suddenly they become quite high maintenance. And you're right. It's usually when someone else is on the scene or phoning.

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Boeufsurletoit · 04/04/2021 21:47

For bedtime, retreating just out of sight to fold laundry on the landing worked wonders for me while youngest was going through a difficult patch with getting to sleep. It seemed to be enough presence to reassure while still allowing me to get a job done.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 04/04/2021 21:47

Yeah it does sound like a big cry for 1:1 attention then. Definitely be there to give her a big hug at bedtime, and tell her you’ll be back in half an hour or so to give her another cuddle. So let her know you’re checking in to offer comfort. But there have to be boundaries with it. You can’t be beholden to hugging her to sleep every evening because she insists. That’s your evening, there are other children and besides that that’s YOUR time to unwind.

If kids say they’re thirsty I say you know where the tap is. If the remote is lost I say oh that’s a shame. I’m not their servant and it’s doing them a disservice to not get them to do everything for them.

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