AIBU to be concerned about the amount of sugar my nephew has?

[MmmChickenSoup]

My nephew is 8, a few months ago he had to have 2 teeth taken out as they were rotten. I saw him a few days later with his mum (my DSIS) and he was eating a tub of haribo strawberries. On that same trip he had a carton of juice and a doughnut from the park.

I saw him again a few days after that and he was eating a cream egg. I didn't say anything but inwardly I was wondering why my sister would be letting him eat these just a few days after he had 2 teeth extracted?! I have a DD the same age and if I were in that situation I would be avoiding sugar and juice as much as I could.

I know you can't judge just from a few snacks, but I saw them again a few days ago at the park. He finished his bottle of juice and then asked if he could have a can of coke. My mum asked if he could have one and I said no, I didn't think it was a good idea as he had had 2 teeth taken out and fizzy pop probably wouldn't be a good idea. Plus my 2 children would have seen and asked why they couldn't have some (they would love coke but they are only allowed an occasional glass of fizzy fruit water with their dinner)

My DSIS and nephew came over this evening for dinner and when he arrived he was eating mini eggs from his pocket, had his dinner and a slice of cake for pudding and then he pulls out a half eaten kitkat from his pocket and starts munching on that 🤔 when it was time for my DD to brush her teeth before bed he said "haha I don't brush my teeth at night". I asked my sister if he didn't brush his teeth before bed and she said "well he's meant to", but from the sounds of it its not something she supervises.

AIBU to think what the hell is she playing at not cracking down on all the sweet treats given the telling off she got from the dentist?! I am by no means a perfect parent and we are trying to really crack down on the amount of sweet treats our kids have as they would eat sweets as a main food group if I let them, but to continue supplying constant sweets and fizzy drinks and not insist he brushes his teeth?! He was nagging his mum to stop off at the shops on the way home as he had £2 so he wanted to buy 2 big bags of sweets! I know I sound like a complete cow (maybe I am!) but I could never say this directly to my sister as it would go down like a cold bucket of sick.

Could your mum raise it?

@OverTheRainbow88

Could your mum raise it?

Unfortunately it would be even worse if my mum raised it, its quite a complicated relationship! My mum is also guilty of using sweets as regular treats, we had to put our foot down at her giving our kids pancakes with jam, syrup AND ice cream for breakfast because that is a ridiculous breakfast. That is on TOP of mutiple sweets and puddings throughout the day. When I did mention to my mum that he probably shouldn't be drinking coke she just said he was allowed it at home.

I personally think you parent your kids your way and let her parent her way, how she does it is her business only

It's very very sad for your nephew.

I think what your sister is doing is neglectful. But personally, I wouldn't get involved. If he stays with you though and your sister isn't there......your house, your rules.

Were these adult teeth?
My Dn used to be given too much chocolate and sweets. He got very overweight and only lost it at about 15.
It was mainly the GP they let him eat whatever.

My own kids are eating more biscuits and things after lockdown and now having juice which they never used to have. They used to drink only milk. Now one wont have milk.

Sounds terrible but you need to keep out of it.

Well, my DC probably also eat too much sugar but I'm very conscious of it and and restrict it apart from today. It's not just teeth it's bad for, it's your body in general. Just be blunt and tell her to do some research.

I think you are right to be worried about your nephew- losing any teeth to decay is bad but if something doesn't change he may well lose his second teeth in a few short years I'm afraid. Not only is toothache painful but he will be more likely to get dental abscesses and at risk of oral infections that spread to the heart. Type 2 diabetes is another potential problem and that has many long term health effects if poorly controlled. I am writing from the heart- my husband's mum allowed him to consume sugar like your nephew does. He had to have a lot of teeth out before he had left secondary school and it has been terrible to see the effect on him. As an adult he has taken great care of his teeth: not had sugar too frequently and has excellent oral hygiene but he has been self-conscious about partial dentures for over twenty years and has sometimes had pain and problems despite his looking after his teeth since just after his extractions. It is the frequency of sugar intake that is key- while brushing is important too much sugar too often will still cause decay. You know your sister well enough to find a way to help her and help your nephew, perhaps when it's just the two of you together? Please do it, even if she responds badly at first , none of us like feeling criticised but you can support each other to make changes and I would think about starting by not using sugar as a reward. I have little rubbers, pencils, balloons, stickers etc to treat my children rather than sweets and that might be useful for your sister to try. I hope things go well, it will definitely be worth at least trying for your nephew

It sounds really awful and you are right to be concerned. It’s a terrible diet and it’s caused him to lose teeth already. I can’t understand why that wasn’t a wake-up call for her. What are her own teeth like?

Her own teeth are fine, maybe a couple of fillings. I'm the one with the awful and embarassing teeth, which I suppose is making me feel a bit irate about it. I know how painful the toothache is, he had toothache over Christmas and I really felt for him. I'm so self-conscious of my teeth and would hate for him to grow up having multiple teeth filled or removed like me. I actually show my DD my teeth as even though I'm so embarassed, I use it to show my it's so important to take care of her own teeth and that mine got that way from years of eating far too much sugar and drinking fizzy pop.
I will try to mention it in a casual context next time we see each other. I love my sister but she can be quite terrifying at times and I know she will take it very personally.

Your sister is lucky to have someone as caring as you in her life: you say you find her terrifying sometimes and despite this you are still prepared to voice your concerns. Hopefully she will understand you are trying to help him.