For context my neighbour is a very well spoken ~55 year old male, who has a habit of spinning a yarn: 'I'd rate my Japanese 9/10.', 'When I was partner of a top law firm in XXX...', 'My brother is a 'Chief Superintendent.', 'Mummy lives in Primrose Hill', etc To paint a full picture, he lives in reasonably cheap rented accommodation.
I've always wondered why he volunteers such specific information out of context, but I listen politely and have always been neighbourly towards him - allowing him to use our outdoor tap for example, giving cards on appropriate occasions, lending him things etc.
I was therefore shocked when reviewing the CCTV of our front garden to witness him leaning over our side of the boundary and proceed to chuck a bag of rubbish into our black bin. His must be full I thought to myself, though the bins were only emptied a few days ago. If he'd only asked to use our facilities, I would have said yes. But to see him stretch his hands, mysterious booty n all, over and into 'our side', I felt somewhat violated.
Well, as we all know, curiosity killed the cat, and I headed outside to review the contents of our bin without delay. Immediately I identified the culprit perched on the top, with no evidence of any attempt at concealment. I stared at the open bag, and though my greedy eyes sought it hungrily, I was unable to spot anything akin to even a lazy go at tying-off. I peered into the murky depths and recoiled in horror.
At once I glimpsed raw fish guts, crustaceans, cockles, moules: a meadley of shellfish if you will, with a noodle, dirty washcloth and used-kitchen-paper accompaniment piled high in the cavernous Harrods bag.
"What on Earth?" I spoke aloud in stunned horror, "Why?". With no time to think, I reached into the bin, drew out the heavy load and immediately transferred it to its rightful resting place, my neighbour's empty black bin. It hit the base with a satisfying 'thump'.
I charged back inside to recount the events as described. Then, voice trembling, I made the startling observation that 10 more days remained until the next bin collection.
I am now really annoyed that I didn't scatter Neptune's bounty all over next door's front garden, or at the very least dispersed it throughout the bin to render any attempt at return impractical. My neighbour carries on scot-free (mostly lamenting the far less obnoxious smell of weed which often wafts into our gardens). It will be far too easy for him to transplant his fishy load back into my dark cavernous pit, which stands alluringly empty at present.
AIBU to return to the scene of the crime and wreak the crustaceous horror he deserves?
Edited by MNHQ