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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a percentage of the population are just incompetent and not suitable for work

181 replies

thatwasme22 · 04/04/2021 15:59

I see it in myself. Being through several jobs and they went nowhere, laid off from many due to performance issues. Entered teaching in mid 20s, was rubbish also and did supply but feel now by mid 30s that I am just not really suitable for work or driven. Despite all the advice I just wasn't good.

I went for aspergers test/adhd at 30 as that is what i was advised on here but docs said I was fine and it would have being picked up earlier but I just cannot seem to cope in any job since 18 and utterly feel useless. I have seen it in a few other as well. I am now doing supply at 35.Is there anybody else like this>?

OP posts:

Monicuddle · 04/04/2021 16:02

At 30 I started working for myself and it was like a light switched on. You’re still young. I think you haven’t found the right work. I was a teacher and found the bureaucracy and crowd control soul destroying. Now I teach one to one and love it. Please don’t give up.

Original poster

thatwasme22 · 04/04/2021 16:03

yewa bit I should have put in my op before teaching there was a string of jobs I got fired from. I only got into teaching easier as a mature student as my alevels were so bad.

OP posts:

sunflowersandbuttercups · 04/04/2021 16:04

Have you thought about working for yourself?

Original poster

thatwasme22 · 04/04/2021 16:05

Christ no I'd be terrible.

OP posts:

RampantIvy · 04/04/2021 16:07

What were the reasons you were fired? Do you find it difficult to follow instructions? Were there any personality clashes? Maybe you have been doing the wrong job for you?

It might be worth going back and talking to a different GP to see if you have any ADHD ASD traits.

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 04/04/2021 16:07

Everyone is sooo different. Give yourself a break. Try to research as much as you can about motivation and different jobs and courses etc. If you keep learning and searching you'll find something more suitable.

user1471462428 · 04/04/2021 16:08

I think there is a culture of getting your self worth from your career rather than placing an emphasis on education for educations sake. There also could do with a greater shift towards recognising the importance of people’s roles in family and how fundamental they are to contributing to a kind and caring society. I’ve worked with a few people (mostly women) who believed themselves to be incompetent, they were mostly competent but had low self esteem and were dismissed by other people who perceived this as weakness. The most incompetent and scary people I’ve worked with were those with massive egos who often made mistakes and covered them up (mostly men).

CeeJay81 · 04/04/2021 16:08

I've struggled with work due to anxiety/self esteem issues all my life. I have found a job I like but it's a minimum wage dead end job, I've been doing it for over a decade. I'm happy with it but will always have to rely on tax credits cause it just wouldn't cover the bills(not when I've got kids anyway). I doubt I'll ever be able to get a semi well paid job cause I'm pretty useless and got no skills. Quite a different situation to yours it seems though.

Original poster

thatwasme22 · 04/04/2021 16:08

''What were the reasons you were fired? Do you find it difficult to follow instructions? Were there any personality clashes? Maybe you have been doing the wrong job for you?''

pretty much everything and being generally incompetent.

OP posts:

DarkDarkNight · 04/04/2021 16:17

I agree. I see this in myself. I can do some quite complicated things, I can multi-task to a certain extent but I am very slow to pick things up. I feel like I need to do things over and over before they sink in. Sometimes I make stupid mistakes. I have anxiety and worry a lot about work.

I also lack common sense. Sometimes really simple things elude me that other people can just do.

Cornettoninja · 04/04/2021 16:20

I think there is some truth in your statement. The skills that are required in so many professions these days don’t come easily or naturally to everyone and most jobs require a fairly advanced level of technological talent and a certain set of social skills that don’t come easily to everyone.

Do you think you’d fare better in a less ‘professional’ environment? Have you looked into trades with a practical skill?

youdontnome · 04/04/2021 16:22

Are you just lazy?

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 04/04/2021 16:24

Which dr told you autism or adhd would have been picked up earlier? A GP?
Usually with women it isn't at all.
I was 37 when I was diagnosed with autism.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 04/04/2021 16:24

Teaching is a stressful job requiring skills in multiple areas. If you have managed to cope even with supply work for the last 10 years then you must have something going for you! What about something school related like classroom assistant work? You would have plenty of valuable skills and experience for that work but might feel under less pressure?

Tal45 · 04/04/2021 16:34

I'm exactly the same, educated to a high level but just can't get/hold down a job, end up totally frazzled. Have asd/dyslexia/dyspraxia in the family and think my issues are also related to that.
Whoever said you didn't have asd/adhd - that was their opinion, and if they said that it would have been picked up earlier then they obviously didn't have much idea.

DarkDarkNight · 04/04/2021 16:38

@youdontnome

Are you just lazy?

Being lazy and incompetent are not the same. That’s pretty rude.

I would consider myself a hard worker. I’m not one to stand around and chat when I’m on the clock. I think I work harder because I know I struggle at my job.

I think if the OP is aware enough of her shortcomings to start this thread then it shows that she cares and is not lazy.

SingToTheSky · 04/04/2021 16:48

Who said you can’t have adhd or be autistic because it would’ve been diagnosed earlier? Did they actually assess properly, or did they put you off before it got to that stage, like a GP? If they think that all cases are picked up in childhood then I wouldn’t assume they have the knowledge to diagnose either.

I was a model student and perfectly behaved child etc. Now at 34 I’m a total wreck other than improvement from adhd meds (early days yet). I’m diagnosed with both now and it explains an awful lot. So many people - especially women - have been told stuff like this, along with other reasons they must be wrong such as: they did well in school, or have a degree, or hold down a job, or make eye contact. Misconceptions are rife.

Obviously can’t say anything about you specifically, but if you haven’t already, have a read of this thread 💐

Couchbettato · 04/04/2021 16:49

I agree OP. I have managed to hold jobs down, but I just never seem to do well enough.

Or when I do, some twat goes and changes the processes, and I just don't have that real estate available in my head for all these expectations.

And then a lot of it is stress. I just can't stop being stressed long enough to feel like I've got free agency to wrap my head around it in a way that benefits me because that's not how businesses work. They have a structure and they want to stick with it and if I don't fit the mould then I'm out.

I don't get job satisfaction either. I don't think I ever would. I can't justify being put on this good green earth to be expected to waste 40 hours a week (and let's face it, it's more after all the faffing), working.

It's not a choice to work either. If you want food, shelter, nice things and to make the small bits of life you have to yourself enjoyable then you've got to willingly offer your labour.

picknmix1984 · 04/04/2021 16:51

A case of self- fulfilling prophecy here. Tell yourself you're rubbish enough and you become rubbish then you don't have to work!

Changechangychange · 04/04/2021 16:55

I think teaching is a particularly “marmite” profession - you either have the knack, or you don’t. I definitely don’t and would never consider doing it, but I hold down a different professional job perfectly successfully (I teach undergraduates and postgraduates as part of my role, and have no issue with that, but classroom management is a very specific skill that I have no interest in acquiring).

What jobs have you been fired from in the past? There’s a difference between being fired from a sales job for making poor sales (which again, is a specific skill), from a data-entry job because you made too many mistakes (ie no eye for detail), and being fired from a job holding a “golf sale” sign because you are too disorganised to turn up on time.

And actually neither of those attributes would make you unfit for all work! You’d just need to look harder for something that fits you.

ImAlrightThanx · 04/04/2021 16:57

It may be you haven't found the right career for you.
Any way you could retrain for anything else that takes your fancy?

I'm the same- work is boringly shit. I have no desire to be rich or high up. I just want to work and go home and earn enough to live on.

youdontnome · 04/04/2021 16:58

I dont think is at all insulting. I've definitely known people who are competent and lazy, it is also true of the opposite. Me and dh work with a lot of lazy people who would class themselves as incompetent when in actual fact if they put a little more into it they would do better. Where we work is not exactly brain taxing. Perhaps they are bored which might make them incompetent, which is fine, they are welcome to find something more relevant to their skills.

GreenlandTheMovie · 04/04/2021 17:08

Agree with you OP. And office jobs are certainly not for everyone either. Some people are happier being salaried employees, some people excel when using a particular skill or talent for themselves in their own business, others excel in something like farming which follow the seasonal rhythms but is mostly mechanised and sees jobs in short supply now. Then again, some people are just damned lazy too!

puffinkoala · 04/04/2021 17:12

It's an interesting question OP and one I ask myself quite a bit as I have struggled to hold a job down as well. With me, I don't know if it's just because I picked the wrong career (law) which is very detail based and I am not really a detail person (interestingly I've done Myers Briggs which told me I was a detail person but most appraisals have said I need have better attention to detail). And lawyers can be very harsh towards any sort of mistake and even if you don't lose your job at the time, you do later on, I've seen it happen with other people as well as me, even when there was no real evidence that the error was their fault but they got the blame anyway and the next time there were redundancies, curtains for them.

With my current job it is quite research based and that is something I can do. But I save very hard because I know I'll eventually be let go or jump before I am pushed. The one job I got glowing feedback for was one for someone with far less experience than I have. But maybe that's what I need to do!

Me and dh work with a lot of lazy people who would class themselves as incompetent when in actual fact if they put a little more into it they would do better Hmm that might just be your perception - it might be that they genuinely just can't do it? An example: one thing I really can't do is draft contracts. It's like other people can see the entire contract in their head so they know that clause 12 has an impact on clause 24 and that means they also need to look at clauses 36 and 48 - but my brain doesn't work that way.

And I couldn't do a practical job either, I'm a bit useless really. A while ago I did a survey of my strengths and weaknesses and I didn't actually have many strengths!

2bazookas · 04/04/2021 17:15

Go for a repetitive -routines job with training and constant supervision'. Maybe working in a shop or warehouse.

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