AIBU?
DC contact with their father
BabyPandaBear · 04/04/2021 15:25
I have 2 children with my ex. 9 and 6 we broke up 5 years ago. Since we have been broken up he has never really bothered with contact, he’s been inconsistent at best, absent at worsted. He moved away and has rarely bothered. If he does see them he would see them for a bit then get bored or decide it was too much effort and just drift away. He recently got back into contact after not seeing them for a year. He said how much he wanted to be a dad and how he had grown up etc, he saw them for a few months and then just stopped bothering again like every single time. No phone calls, no visits, nothing. He’s been doing this since we split up 5 years ago on repeat. Coming and going when he feels like it. He’s unable to maintain contact for more than a few months at a time and hasn’t done so since we split. He has seen them once in the last 6 months. I’m really sick of going through this every time he comes back and seeing the hurt it’s causing my children to be picked up and dropped constantly. It’s damaging them. He has every excuse in the book for why he’s not bothered. The latest one being Covid, though I’ve explained to him that parents can still see their children and always have been able to. Can I stop contact now until they are old enough to decide to have contact for themselves say 16? I’m concerned about the negative affect it is having on my children and I think it’s having more of a negative affect them if he was absent completely. When I say this happens the same every year I’m not exaggerating, when can I say enough is enough?
IggyAce · 04/04/2021 16:03
I would send him one message advising of the negative impact his in & out behaviour is having on the dcs. I would ask him to make the decision he is either in or out. But warn him if he opts in and the same pattern is repeated that’s it no more. I’d keep this message & his response then in the future he can’t twist it & say you refused contact.
BungleandGeorge · 04/04/2021 22:51
I think you could well find yourself in a situation where the children blame you for denying their father access. They’ll never know whether he would have continued intermittent visits or whether he’d have got his act together. It’s very unfair and as an adult I totally understand and support your reasoning. From what I’ve seen though children quite often blame the resident parent in that scenario even when it’s been done with good intentions. Unfortunately I think you have to let him continue to see them until such time they themselves make a decision not to
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