Issues with the in-law’s (sorry, one of those posts again)

[Cakecakeandmorecake]

Not a major issue here, I agree! But, for some reason it keeps annoying me.

So, after a death in my in law’s family, I said I was happy to create a bubble (it was technically a bubble for child support as I work and DH works away) but, it was all for them to see DD more as they haven’t helped at all. I’m really really not expecting them too, just to give some back ground. I work from home so, just juggle both some how (I have so much respect for all you parents that have been doing this the whole lockdown!!)

This means that I haven’t been able to see my family at all and my DF is high risk which has made me a rather down. My DF is in what I think is an abusive relationship, he is finally almost able to see it and I want my home to be safe for him to escape too when he finally sees he needs to. The abuse is not physical so, it’s been really hard for everyone to see that it is abuse still.

Anyway, in-laws knew that I wanted to see my dad when I can and that he’s high risk and finally, that he will only feel safe doing it if we have all been careful. He is not fully vaccinated.

My in laws promised that they haven’t seen anyone else and have been very careful. And also that we only want a bubble between us. However, when MIL was last here she said ‘oh this person has been round and so on’ with no social distancing. I didn’t say anything until I later mentioned, I’ll need to see what is happening with my dad since if you are seeing other people in the house, we might need to rethink the visits. She seemed fine with this. BUT she now wants to come back over today and said, one of them is happy to wear a mask? What? Does that even make sense! This has annoyed me as it is plain silly! She said she wants to start coming round more as her brother has a relationship with his grandchild so, she wants that. DD is 9 months and they haven’t tried much really. Again, I’m not expecting anything.

I also must say that the person they have had around is not careful at all. They openly break the rules and post photos on Facebook of them having a girls night on the sofa. I think this is such a crappy thing to do when some of us can’t even see our family. She has never tried to follow the rules and doesn’t care about anyone else.

I’m happy for in laws to do what they want, but not when it effects my family anymore than it has already. My DP is dealing with my MIL now as I have taken a step back. But why does this keep annoying me? Why couldn’t they just wait a month until my DF has his vaccine (probably a bit longer by the time it starts working)? Or, see people but agree to only do outside visits? They aren’t even allowed to have people in the house. Also, they only started doing this now they have their vaccine. Again, no care for anyone else. Sorry I’m rambling! I’m just annoyed and don’t want to bug DP with moaning anymore.

Anyway, am I right to think this is a bit inconsiderate when we already put rules in place or, am I being unreasonable?

Yes - say they can't come over any more because it is putting your dad at risk. Tell them they can resume visiting 3 weeks after he's fully vaccinated. If your daughter is only 9 months she isn't going to care about seeing them.
Just be firm on this - it's not for much longer. Say you need to change bubbles because it's your dad's turn. They can hardly object.

@SnackSizeRaisin thank you, I totally agree. I think that is just what I am going to have to do. And DD will definitely not even notice. If she was 2 or so, I’d rethink but she honestly doesn’t even notice when they are here.
I hope they will be okay about it but, if not then I will stand my ground. It’s not for that long.

I don’t know how to handle this situation now. DP said is too windy so they are going to come in. I said I wasn’t happy so he said fine they will sit outside, I come down and they are all inside. MIL at the fridge and FIL touching DD. Why don’t I matter? It’s really not much to ask? They have done things like this before, shown they they don’t care what I thinks and DP struggle to stick up for himself. I am going to be nice this time then no more visits until my dads fully vaccinated.

I once took my mil to task over going against my wishes and she went ballastic and threatened to leave. I said "that's fine no one talks to me like that in my own home" and to DH (in an undertone) "let her go". Best thing I ever did. Stand up to them OP, very often they are just seeing how far they can push your boundaries

@Cakecakeandmorecake

I don’t know how to handle this situation now. DP said is too windy so they are going to come in. I said I wasn’t happy so he said fine they will sit outside, I come down and they are all inside. MIL at the fridge and FIL touching DD. Why don’t I matter? It’s really not much to ask? They have done things like this before, shown they they don’t care what I thinks and DP struggle to stick up for himself. I am going to be nice this time then no more visits until my dads fully vaccinated.

I'd stop the nice now.

I'd pick up DD. Get her ready for a walk, and on my way out I'd say that I' expect them to be gone by the time I get back.

I'd be livid OP. Definitely switch bubbles. And I'd be having words with DP when your guests have gone.

Think DP is at fault here as much as anyone. With a 9 month old it’s unlikely they would not want to hold the baby, and where I live it’s now really cold and the wind is getting up.
He needed to cut the visit short, if he has agreed to protect your father.

If you haven’t already done so, you need to explain to him that he is showing you that he cares more for them than for you. Only he can fix that. He needs to grow some.

Thank you all, it is good to see I’m not being crazy about this. It’s how DP makes me feel. I told him as soon as they left that I wasn’t happy they did that but he defended them saying ‘oh I’m sure they have distanced from everyone’ even though my MIL let slip that she hasn’t. But again, I must be mistaken. He’s also said we can stop seeing them as soon as my dad wants to visit. But he is not going to want to whilst they keep coming round. And I wasn’t to be able to go and see him.

This has sadly happened before. I used to be close to my MIL but she said a few rather nasty things whilst she had a drink including that I’m cold hearted. It hurt. I told my DP and he said I must have been mistaken, she didn’t mean that. She admitted it the next day and couldn’t stop apologising and wouldn’t eat until I accepted her apology (I found that very odd). My DP was shocked but never brought it up again. He either defends them and when he doesn’t, is silent.
I love my DP but when it comes to his family, I feel like I’m number 2. I’m putting my foot down now and they can learn to be considerate. No more visits

Thank you all! I really appreciate these replies