To not do housework if I CBA or feel ill?

[JensonsAcolyte]

Promoted by a moany text from a friend about feeling ill with a cold but having sooooo much to do, she needs to clean the bathroom and change the beds etc.

She’s a little bit obsessed with housework in a way I am not and often sends me updates on what she’s doing so I know she cleaned bathrooms two days ago and changed beds last week.

I told her to go and sit down and rest and she can’t because it needs doing.

Am I just a massively lazy slattern? My mother would say yes because she’s another one who gets up at 6am to run the hoover round.

My house isn’t minging but if I felt poorly or just didn’t fancy it I’d leave the cleaning. I do have a capable husband, as does she but I don’t think he does much (she’s sahm, I’m not although I am furloughed).

Aibu?

YABU: get off your arse and scrub your house, lazy cow.

YANBU: leave it and drink coffee and read a book. Don’t be a martyr.

Oh jeez unless your house is minging you are right. My house is here to facilitate my life not dictate it.

Yanbu, but being ill is different to CBA. Of course it’s fine to not worry about cleaning and having a presentable home if you’re ill, but if you’re a SAHM then there is some obligation to suck it up and get on with it even on the days you cba.

My house is here to facilitate my life not dictate it.
Oh I love this!

OP YANBU. If you're not well or feel a bit rough then the house can wait. Either your friend isn't actually that unwell, or she loves a good fuss.

If your friend was feeling that ill she would be in bed resting.

My house is a complete mess but I'm heavily pregnant, really uncomfortable and in pain and just accepting that's how it's going to be for a while. I'm lounging in pjs and eating chocolate.

My take on housework is this. If it was done recently, which for most things means in the last week or two, it can wait another day. If it wasn't done recently, it makes no difference whether it is done today, tomorrow or next week.

If you're not well, CBA, or whatever, forget about it. Whether or not you do it, it will still need doing again soon. Today's a lovely day, here at least. Have a coffee, read your book, spend some time outside and go for a walk or something.

The way I figure is, the house won't explode if I leave the bedding on a day longer or don't do the dishes right away. But overexerting in illness can make you worse.

Unpopular opinion - I do think some people (usually women) martyr themselves through illness. If your husband and kids don't give a crap about what you do when you're well they won't care less if you carry on when you're ill

Tbf she does like a moan, and I think she feels she has to justify her life (one teenage child).

I just find it exhausting! I have (usually) a ft job, I’m studying, multiple children and pets and yet somehow I always feel like a lazy mare next to her.

My issue, though.

I did lose it a bit a few months ago when she said she had a migraine and wished she could go back to bed. Er, why can’t you? Madness.

If a friend was sending me regular ‘updates’ on how she had cleaned her bathroom or changed her sheets, I would think she was having some kind of breakdown and suggest she got help.

I mean, I’m currently MNing in my pyjamas so maybe she touched a nerve

Competitive martyrdom cleaning is very boring. Why does she need to says she’s cleaned two bathrooms?

Someone I know endlessly goes on about the five baskets of ironing she has to do.

Just don’t do it!

God I haven’t ironed for about twenty years. No one’s noticed.

I have a friend like this. She works full time then goes home and cleans the house from top to bottom everyday!

She honestly never, ever sits still, she is always doing something.
She has adult children still at home who do nothing, she does everything for them. Even when ill she still does everything.

I am too lazy, house is clean, that's enough for me :)

An oasis of reason. Definitely don't do it, friend of Jenson!

Reading all the threads about men and mental loads I've realised the only equaliser is being a slattern . I think you need to just do what's essential and most things can wait a few days.

@JensonsAcolyte

Tbf she does like a moan, and I think she feels she has to justify her life (one teenage child).

I just find it exhausting! I have (usually) a ft job, I’m studying, multiple children and pets and yet somehow I always feel like a lazy mare next to her.

My issue, though.

I did lose it a bit a few months ago when she said she had a migraine and wished she could go back to bed. Er, why can’t you? Madness.

I had a migraine (with aura) yesterday. There is absolutely no way I could have done anything except return to bed.

If it needs doing badly, make the effort to do it. If you are unwell, it can wait a while longer surely? Is anything really that important you need to hassle yourself about it/with it at 6am in the morning for example. I think some people need to have a word with themselves possibly.

If there are other adults in the house, they can do it. If not, no-one will know.

Not to generalise but I think some people can get a bit anxious if they don’t stick to their cleaning routine - even if it’s just missing a day/a certain job - and can’t relax until they do. Maybe your friend falls into that category.

But I don’t feel too much pressure myself. I clean regularly and my house is tidy but I’m not going to put myself out if I’m poorly. Of course I think there are more urgent tasks like clearing away old food/leftovers rather than letting it sit, or taking out the rubbish if it’s full, but otherwise most things can wait in my view.