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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like my life is wrong?

24 replies

Outofplacetoday · 03/04/2021 20:15

I'll try to explain this as eloquently as I can. I've had a nagging, gut feeling that there is something wrong in my life. Like I'm not doing what I should be.

Does anyone else feel this way?

I don't mean my children by the way, they're lovely and the one thing that is constant and happy.

But the rest I just don't know. I feel like my dh is not the right one for me anymore, I feel like my job isn't the right job I should be doing. I feel like I'm wasting my life not living upto what I could be.

I'm not sure if it's just the pandemic and feeling down or if I should take drastic action. Even then though there's no guarantee separating or changing career would actually settle this uncertainty I'm feeling.

If you've followed my ramblings this far, give yourself a hi5.

OP posts:

MumofPsuedoAdult · 03/04/2021 20:18

Could you be peri menopausal?

Original poster

Outofplacetoday · 03/04/2021 20:20

Be unlikely I think, I'm 33 and periods are still like clockwork

OP posts:

ssd · 03/04/2021 20:23

I think we all feel out of step just now. I don't know anyone really happy.

oohmama · 03/04/2021 20:41

I feel exactly the same...

No advice but honestly, I really do understand!

Original poster

Outofplacetoday · 03/04/2021 20:54

@oohmama it's unsettling isn't it. Pleased I'm not alone

OP posts:

blueshoes · 03/04/2021 21:02

Is this a recent thing, or only since lockdown

ConnieCaterpillar70 · 03/04/2021 21:04

I could have written your post word for word, OP. I feel horribly unsettled at the moment.

Dimsummummy · 03/04/2021 21:09

I have felt like that! I think it’s a gut reaction that ‘something’ is off that means you are not spiritually fulfilled. Its like a warning that you’re keeping the engine running but not enjoying the journey.
Before thinking on a fundamental level and making irreversible decisions, I’d be thinking what can ‘I do for me?’ ‘What makes me tick?’ ‘When have I felt fulfilled?’ ‘How can I emulate that?’
Maybe you need more craft/sports/writing/self
Improvement type time/activities... and I mean for your personal equilibrium and growth, rather than because it’s required to pay bills.. pay others?

Doublevodka · 03/04/2021 21:33

Could it be something to do with life in general at the moment? I feel a bit like this sometimes and I wonder if it's just because life is really weird right now. I drove near the city centre today and it was really sunny, but really quiet and deserted and it made me feel sad. Normally a weekend like this would feel busy and people would be shopping and eating out and drinking in the bars etc. I feel like life is not moving for anyone. I can't really explain it, it just feels a bit dystopian.

Sarahtrue · 03/04/2021 21:39

Yes! I think that society was set up in a very un-natural way. It was "you must stay in this house, in this town all the time, this is your home country, you must not see other parts of the world except for two weeks of the year". And it also said to women - you must look after everyone else and put your own desires last.

I am 37, I was living in Ireland, and I was living all that life, and felt so depressed and like I was going crazy.

Last year I decided to do what I really want to do. I left Ireland and I have been working remotely, and I have travelled around five different countries in the last two years. Solo. I have met other women in their late thirties/forties/fifties doing this also.

This is your precious life. Do what you want! We are lucky that more jobs are going remote these days too

Original poster

Outofplacetoday · 03/04/2021 21:53

I think covid has certainly magnified these feelings but it was definitely there prior to the pandemic.

Thank you for your response @Dimsummummy. You're absolutely right, I don't get any real me time, and feel constantly pulled in 100 different directions. My two little ones are just that, so they're very dependant. I think I am lacking direction and don't have any sense of peace of fulfillment beyond being a mum.

@Sarahtrue that's the thing I think, I know how precious life is and it is terrifying feeling like I'm wasting days just drifting through instead of making the most of it.
I'm trying not to be too philosophical but it's hard not to reflect atm. I'm glad you broke out and are living a better life for you.

I have this image in my head where I'm standing in a kitchen and looking out over the sea. It's a sunny day, the kids are with me but no one else. The windows open and it's a bit breezy and I just feel calm and happy. I'm not dreaming of winning the lottery or having high career aspirations. I just feel like this isn't right at the minute. I'd love to have a crystal ball and see what works out for the best.

OP posts:

lightand · 03/04/2021 21:55

When was the last time you had a break?

Sarahtrue · 03/04/2021 21:59

@Outofplacetoday If you feel that your relationship is not right for you, then it is not right for you. Trust your gut instinct. A lot of us, including myself, let things roll on longer than they should, because we are afraid fo hurting other peoples feelings.

I had a male friend for a very long time. I had known him for ten years. My gut feeling was telling me to get away from him but I let it keep going, because I had known him for so long, and i didnt want to hurt his feelings, and we just let these things roll on dont we. Eventually I noticed that he was controlling me in a lot of ways, and he didnt like me talking to other men and that he was actually manipulating me a lot, and was actually cutting me off from a lot of other people.

I ended that friendship last year. And my life has been so so much better since.

Trust your gut feeling.

Sarahtrue · 03/04/2021 22:02

I wish I had gotten away from him sooner. But he had kind of manipulated me into seeing him as my best friend, and to see him as indispensable. My life is much much better since i got rid of him.

Anyway, there is no point at all in staying around some one who is making you unhappy.

Go for your own happiness

KirstyHasLeft · 03/04/2021 22:03

@Outofplacetoday - I had some images in my head too. Like flashes of this other life where I would be happy and fulfilled.

I got divorced last year and now living in my flat with my kids. I was painting my kitchen today and remembered that it was one of my images that I had a year ago - me painting the kitchen, listening to music and having a sunny day outside. It didn't make me happy, but I certainly felt content.
I wonder if my other 'flashes of an alternate reality' will also come true..

I think the lockdown is affecting my life and happiness. I am still not at my best life but I feel like I am on the path to it.

Sarahtrue · 03/04/2021 22:09

I also think that the image in your head is telling you something!

It is guiding you

Original poster

Outofplacetoday · 03/04/2021 22:17

I can't remember the last time I had a break. Probably 2017 when I was pregnant with dd1, was signed off due to spd and had nothing to do but watch game thrones!

@KirstyHasLeft that's reassuring I'm not the only one day dreaming of kitchens yeah that's my glimpse too. Not deliriously happy just content and satisfied.

My dh isn't a bad person he's just drifting into a personality that no longer fits mine. I don't feel like his wife but a household manager. He's so grumpy and miserable. No spontaneity with me and the kids and must see the negative. The only spark I see in him is when he's talking about his football team.

The other day we came back in and our cat had cut her paw (she's fine) and there were a few specks of blood on the carpet. I heard him whinging on about this mess on the carpet and in that moment I just prayed please don't let this be it. Whereas my reaction to that would be where's the cat? Is she OK? Clean up mess. No biggie

OP posts:

Original poster

Outofplacetoday · 03/04/2021 22:24

@Sarahtrue you must be so relieved to have gotten out of that situation!

I know it is, there's definitely something missing.

Thing is though, if I separate from dh it would mean giving up time with my dds. I just don't think I could. I think that's actually the source of feeling so conflicted. I'm trapped between feeling unfulfilled or missing my kids.

OP posts:

lightand · 03/04/2021 22:35

Sounds like you all need a break.
I would try all going away for a few days if you can.

eatsleepread · 03/04/2021 22:49

I'm 46 and find your post completely relatable. I love my children to bits and am a great mum, but live for every second weekend when they go to their dad's.
I don't feel I'm living my ideal life because in that life, I'd ultimately be on my own.

KirstyHasLeft · 03/04/2021 22:54

@eatsleepread - You wrote what I didn't have the balls to write.

eatsleepread · 03/04/2021 23:31

@KirstyHasLeft

oohmama · 04/04/2021 21:05

I wish I knew how to private message op
I feel exactly the same! Literally

ssd · 05/04/2021 16:57

@oohmama

I wish I knew how to private message op I feel exactly the same! Literally

Just hit the 3 little dots on the bottom right of the post then i think private message comes up. Click on that to message.

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