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AIBU about bloke from my past making a nuisance of himself?

28 replies

OrangeIsNotTheOnlyColour · 03/04/2021 12:02

When I was in my late teens I became friends with a guy in his early 20s through my hobby. I think there may have a snog/near miss in one occasion but otherwise it was entirely platonic, certainly on my part.

We both met other people, got married, had kids and lost touch until we met up again (virtually) via FB about 10 years ago. Exchanged the odd message a few times year and that was it.

5 years later I got divorced and having seen I was moving into my new home he offered to come and give me a hand with the decorating one day. I agreed, thinking it would be fun to have a bit of help and a catch up over a nice lunch by way of saying thanks.

It was a nightmare. He spent the whole day telling me what I should and I should be doing with my home, offering really basic advice that I didn't need about practical stuff and questioning my decor choices.

At the end of the day he offered to come back and continue, and when I said I'd be working, suggested I gave him a key and he'd crack on anyway. I made my excuses and went home (was staying with family whilst doing house up) feeling emotionally wrung out and really upset by his behaviour, although I don't doubt it was well intentioned.

For the next few years things reverted to how they were, but last year my dad became terminally ill and he's started getting in touch again.

He phones through FB messenger rather than just texting to 'check up on me' and pushes to meet up for walks. When I tell him I'm busy he doesn't listen and keeps on with the 'well if you change your mind' or 'I can do xyz instead', even when I've stated I am am doing something specific.

Last night he called and I declined. He immediately called again so I declined again and sent a short message saying I was catching up with DD as hadn't been around for her much lately.

He immediately replied with:

Sorry its been a tough time, you could have given me shout - I can listen
Are you about tomorrow?
That way you & DD can have tonight
And perhaps we'll chat tomorrow if your free ?

I haven't replied. He has a raging Knight in shining armour complex and I have no need of one, or desire for him to be mine if I did. Every conversation seems to revolve around him wanting me to use him as some kind of therapist/Father Confessor, and I am not remotely comfortable or interested in going down that road with a bloke I've seen once in 20-odd years whose behaviour I find incredibly suffocating.

I've tried to allude to this gently as I genuinely believe he's a bit lonely and probably entirely well-intentioned, but tbh he's driving me a bit mad.

And for all my giving him the benefit of the doubt, I'm aware he has no relationship with his teenage daughters, their mum, or his own mum, and that his most recent ex dumped him for similar behaviour, which to me is a massive red flag.

Any suggestions for what to do with him aside from preventing him seeing my FB posts? I'm not sure ignoring will work and I'd feel really unkind being more direct about how little I want to have any major involvement with him. Also willing to be told ex was controlling and I'm possibly a bit sensitive and certainly very protective of my independence.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

LabbyNoona · 03/04/2021 21:38

You don’t need to be so nice to him, he’s being way too much. Hate how woman are conditioned to be like this, it’s so shit. Block him or at least tell him bluntly that you aren’t interested

WineWank · 03/04/2021 22:11

Ugh, I have no time for this shit.

Block the twat.

Branleuse · 03/04/2021 22:19

Block him. The guy doesnt make you feel good at all. Theres a reason hes lonely.

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