To think she is being oversensitive?

[MiaMarshmallows]

Female relative lost her job last year and got another one after lots of blood, sweat and tears. She's been through a lot this past year, illness etc. Don't want to be too detailed through fear of being outed.
Anyway, when she told me I said 'How many hours is it?' she said it was only 15 but OK for now. I thought all was fine but apparently I have now upset her and made her feel judged. Apparently I was not happy for her and her achievement got downplayed.
Aibu to say this is oversensitive? I am pleased for her but do feel the job is not ideal and she can do better.

Well, by the sound of your condescending tone you're not really that pleased for her and you have downplayed it.

Is this the same family member who you’ve posted about before? The one who you think is working below her capabilities & should apply for managerial / senior positions even though she’s completely happy working at the level she’s at? In fact, you said she loved her job.

If it is, then you’ve had an opinion for quite some time & this goes far beyond this one conversation so no, she’s not being over sensitive. Your true feelings have dripped out onto this thread so I have no doubt that they’ve dripped out in real life too, even if you think you’ve kept them to yourself.

It’s completely disingenuous & dare I say even gaslighty, to suggest she’s ‘over sensitive’ when actually she has quite correctly picked up on your feelings.

Mind your own business.

@MiaMarshmallows

I am pleased, I just hope she can find something more suitable in time. But I do know it's good she managed to get a little job for now. She does lack a lot of confidence and projects a lot.

That's so patronising!! Little job? For now? No she's not being sensitive, you were being judgemental and she picked up on that.

What everyone else said.

Ditto on what everyone else said. It’s you.

It's exactly the sort of thing my mother would say to/about her grandchildren. Totally deniable of course, if she's ever called out on it. All wide eyed innocence. But nevertheless, it's patronising and a put down. She wonders why we don't tell her anything.

You realise condescension is almost always a projection of your own insecurities? She isn't the one projecting here. For reasons known only to you you felt the need to undermine her achievement. I would be taking a very long hard look at what your motivation actually is.

I've just got a role in the pandemic and it was bloody hard. Job searching at the moment is no joke , I am very qualified and very experienced and any other time I could waltz into a job. It was bloody hard this time and I would be extremely impolite to any condescension thrown my way. I suspect you are fortunate she didn't give you both barrels at the time.