To ask you to really research before letting your pre teen or young teen access social media

[m0therofdragons]

I have 3 dds ages 9-13. Dd1&2 don’t yet have phones or any social media but I know approx 2/3 of their class do (they’re in year 5). Dd1 is in secondary and luckily her 2 best friends parents feel like us so peer pressure is limited. I definitely don’t think I have any answers but it scares me. Dd1 has had a friend message WhatsApp groups with suicide notes with memes from Instagram shared in the group and I know two families where 15 year old committed suicide 2 months apart.

Social media has a huge impact. There’s a lot of evidence that media that shows how suicide was committed in anyway, even hinting, encourages others and when there’s a news report of a certain type of suicide in a town, the following months they will see a pattern of the same suicides so any social media taking about this encourages others. It’s very complex human behaviour but increasing in teens due to social media.

I’m not expecting a huge response and this isn’t about judging parenting. Social media exists and we all want to help our dc fit in and find a safe balance but I think sometimes we try to forget the pitfalls blinding thinking it won’t happen to us. I just want people to be aware of the risks.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-56617838

I sympathise with your concerns but I don't think keeping them off social media entirely is the answer. There will come a time when they will be exposed to it, whether that is under your supervision or later when they are more independent. I think it is important to make them aware of the pitfalls, keep communicating with them, and monitor what they are looking at so any issues can be nipped in the bud. I treat the internet similar to allowing my DS (13) out alone in the real world. His access is gradually increasing as he gets older, but at the moment I check what he is up to regularly, and we have conversations about keeping safe on the internet.

I absolutely agree we can’t keep them off entirely and conversation with my eldest has been really important. The first thing she did when her friend sent the suicide note was to come to me (at 7am - I’ve never felt more of a grown up yet completely underprepared in what to do. I didn’t know the family and she went to a different school to dd so I contacted the school, who were great). I just know many of dc friends parents seem unaware of the challenges their dc might face, especially the 9yos. 9yos don’t need Instagram and influencers... at 9, we as parents should be there influencers? There’s a time when they are mature enough but with good conversation not just turning a blind eye.

My eldest is 10 and he doesn’t have a phone yet. And isn’t on any social media. He’s always asking for a phone, but I want to give it at least another year yet.
His older sibling (former dsc) had a phone and was on social media by the time they were 9/10. I actually forgot about that until a memory popped up on Facebook which they posted and had tagged me in. At the time I didn’t think too much of it, but now I have a child of that age and I’m more alert and aware of the cons about it, I just don’t want ds doing the same.

I suppose though, it all depends individual circumstances. Ds is not NT and is extremely sensitive, and has been a target for bullies. He’s desperate to be on his “friends’” WhatsApp groups. The last thing I want is for them to have an additional chance to be mean to him and wreck his confidence even more when he’s at home.
Whereas his sibling had none of that, so maybe their parents thought a phone and social media wasn’t a risk.