To feel that socialising takes more than it gives.

[blackbettybramblejam]

I usually have a policy of saying yes to all invites just to keep them coming and to keep my friendships going, I think I’m a good listener and a friendly face and like to have a laugh.

BUT... after a year of mainly just seeing my family, I have just this week started attending the odd garden get together/ cup of tea outside and I have noticed that I often come away feeling compromised and wondering whether I really need to be as social as I was pre- pandemic.

The other day was an example; catching up with a few friends in my friend’s back garden and when one got up to leave, the others slagged her off saying she talks too much and that she’s too much/draining. I didn’t join in as I was a bit saddened that this woman was being spoken of in such a derogatory way.

I suppose I want friends who are genuinely kind and not disrespecting one another once their backs are turned. It just felt like a shame and I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was, in the end not a nice experience.

Another friend popped to our garden for a chat and when I introduced this friend to the child my daughter was playing with (age 4) he just laughed at her making her feel uncomfortable. I thought this was pretty crap.

Another friend always talks about ways to save money (they only work 10 hours a week I work full time) and she keeps advising how I could save money by doing x,y, z despite my not caring one bit about the odd frivolous purchase.
I just feel like I knew I wasn’t that comfortable around the people I used to spend time with but couldn’t put my finger on why and now after a year off socialising I realise that either I’m really intolerant or it has taken a year away from everything for me to realise who I am and who I’m not so my old friends just don’t leave me feeling great- in fact the opposite.
I feel that this year away from every one including a lot of family and extended family members has tuned me in to those that make me feel good and those that don’t. I’ve become more discerning and it’s actually quite a good thing.
Can anyone else relate?

I can completely relate! I have always had a hugely busy social life and yet I often feel a bit depleted afterwards. I’m not going to rush back to the people who make me feel that way, but will focus more on mutually enjoyable social stuff/friendships.
I’ve come to realise that I put on a “game face” for a lot of interactions and I just don’t want to anymore.

Yeah...im happy in my own little world and will be doing the odd bit here and there but not too much.

Maybe you're just realising you're not the extrovert you thought you were or thought you should be pre covid. Perhaps you just need to be a bit more picky about who you give your time to.

I agree it’s a good thing you’re becoming more discerning!

I definitely know people who make me feel drained or anxious after spending time with them. But my best friends I don’t ever feel like that - I always just feel refreshed and happy after meeting up.

I’m autistic and introverted so I need a lot of down time anyway, but I also struggle without seeing friends. The lovely meet ups would get me through the week normally - lockdown made me realise I’m more social than I thought.

You deserve better than so called friends who leave you feeling unhappy 💐

I completely agree! Part of me wants to be really social after lockdown as I realise I'm quite anti social but then I remember I became this way because most people are mean and two faced.

You’re socialising with the wrong people.
I wouldn’t have friends who bitch/gossip about other friends.
Second friend doesn’t like kids? Can be ok, but I’d keep them away from my kids.
Third friend sounds well meaning but perhaps you don’t have enough in common.

In other words, socialising is great but with the right people.