Page 2 | How do I deal with this one?

Herdwicklambs · 2021-04-02T14:11:41+00:00

Name changed for this. My 75 year old cousin has MS. We have just assigned another helper in there. However, a live in helper has been convicted of a sexual offence. I won't go into the conditions assigned to his licence but my cousin feels he is innocent. He pleaded guilty,(she says he is innocent) AIBU to ensure our new helper is aware of his past?

Original poster

Herdwicklambs · 02/04/2021 16:28

Am IABU in raising my concerns? I don't think I am. This offence happened on my cousins premises. She says she was in court. There was no trial as he pleaded guilty. I want him gone. There is no way I want him in her house.

But.. my cousin is stuck and cemented in her mind that he is innocent.

OP posts:

pastabest · 02/04/2021 16:52

An acquaintance of mine quite rightly was convicted of a sexual offence after exposing himself whilst drunk and being an utter idiot in the middle of town.

That will always be on his record now, and I believe has caused him issues with his employment over the years.

But although what he did was completely unacceptable that night and he rightly pleaded guilty I personally don't see him as a 'sex offender' which he technically is, and wouldn't have an issue with him e.g teaching my children, or being in the house with my elderly cousin.

So context is everything...

Original poster

Herdwicklambs · 02/04/2021 17:15

Context is everything, I agree. However, my eldery cousin states quite clearly that the woman was lying.

He was found guilty of a sexual assault against a woman. That is very different from a bloke being a dick in town.

OP posts:

tensmum1964 · 02/04/2021 17:42

If your cousin has capacity and understands the potential risks there isn't anything you can do. If however you suspect that your cousin lacks capacity then you could refer the situation to Social Services.

tensmum1964 · 02/04/2021 17:44

Sorry missed the bit about the other carer. Yes they should be made aware of his past and potential risk to them.

Butwasitherdriveway · 02/04/2021 18:04

@Herdwicklambs

Am IABU in raising my concerns? I don't think I am. This offence happened on my cousins premises. She says she was in court. There was no trial as he pleaded guilty. I want him gone. There is no way I want him in her house.

But.. my cousin is stuck and cemented in her mind that he is innocent.

This is beyond weird OP.

Regardless, if your cousin wants to have this weird set up that's on her head.

What she can't do is employ anyone else into it without telling them.

Lancrelady80 · 02/04/2021 20:38

So this carer is not a paid professional but just someone she knows? And she does not pay him? But he can claim Carers Allowance for what he does for her, because she has agreed that he provides 35 hours care? If all that is true, then DBS is, I believe, irrelevant.

However, for a case to get to court the police must have been pretty damn sure there was sufficient evidence to find him guilty, despite your relative saying the victim was lying. And obviously there was, if he and his solicitor thought the best course of action was to plead guilty.

So, are your relative and this man romantically involved? Why else might she be so sure of his innocence despite all that? I would be definitely wondering about her judgement and actually her vulnerability- has he manipulated her over this? What else could be going on?

With regard to the new carer, I feel that they probably have a right (maybe not a legal one but definitely an ethical one) to know that they might not be safe around this man.

Original poster

Herdwicklambs · 02/04/2021 23:15

Thank you all for your thoughts. Sadly, my cousin in full control of her faculties. I was unaware of this offence, she told me outright that the woman was lying. That it was a plot against her carer. He has been there for seven years.

He has also broken Covid restrictions by having a woman to stay overnight in the house. I have reported all of my concerns to the safeguarding officer at our LA.

OP posts:

Butwasitherdriveway · 02/04/2021 23:15

@Herdwicklambs

Thank you all for your thoughts. Sadly, my cousin in full control of her faculties. I was unaware of this offence, she told me outright that the woman was lying. That it was a plot against her carer. He has been there for seven years.

He has also broken Covid restrictions by having a woman to stay overnight in the house. I have reported all of my concerns to the safeguarding officer at our LA.

I don't think any new carers should be coming in.

Does the woman know he's a sex offendrr?

Original poster

Herdwicklambs · 02/04/2021 23:17

@Lancrelady80

No chance they are romantically involved. At least I don't think. She is 75, he is 49.

OP posts:

Original poster

Herdwicklambs · 02/04/2021 23:22

@Butwasitherdriveway

I'm not sure. He does have a duty to inform when he is in a new relationship. Not sure if it is a 'relationship "

OP posts:

Butwasitherdriveway · 02/04/2021 23:24

[quote Herdwicklambs]@Butwasitherdriveway

I'm not sure. He does have a duty to inform when he is in a new relationship. Not sure if it is a 'relationship "[/quote]
Omg OP!

Is this real?

Someone who has to inform someone is caring for a 75 yo and Inna relationship and you are wobbling about whether to report it?

Original poster

Herdwicklambs · 02/04/2021 23:33

I have reported it. PPU come round every six months to check up on him. He lives in another part of the house. My cousin spoke up for him when he came out of prison. She insisted he returned to her house and here we are....

Her NoK has since passed and knew about this. My cousin has a carer in twice a week, as a PP hs said, she is under no obligation to know his past, but I feel quite differently about a live in person. I think they have a right to this information. Prior to accepting the role.

There is no social worker involved - I have spoken with the neighbours who aren't pleasant about him. No nearby neighbours so not near a school.

It was a very serious offence against a woman.

OP posts:

Butwasitherdriveway · 02/04/2021 23:33

@Herdwicklambs

I have reported it. PPU come round every six months to check up on him. He lives in another part of the house. My cousin spoke up for him when he came out of prison. She insisted he returned to her house and here we are....

Her NoK has since passed and knew about this. My cousin has a carer in twice a week, as a PP hs said, she is under no obligation to know his past, but I feel quite differently about a live in person. I think they have a right to this information. Prior to accepting the role.

There is no social worker involved - I have spoken with the neighbours who aren't pleasant about him. No nearby neighbours so not near a school.

It was a very serious offence against a woman.

Sorry the twice a week also needs to know.

Original poster

Herdwicklambs · 02/04/2021 23:42

She does know. The twice a week. It is a private arrangement.

OP posts:

Butwasitherdriveway · 02/04/2021 23:59

@Herdwicklambs

She does know. The twice a week. It is a private arrangement.

Weird.

Tillygetsit · 03/04/2021 00:06

None of this is making much sense to me. I would get Adult Services involved sharpish.

Original poster

Herdwicklambs · 03/04/2021 00:10

It is all very weird. We are tortured by her thinking around this situation and information. She needs a live in helper to drive her places and, to add to the mix, he is banned from driving.

I don't want to admit this, but I sense a form of grooming here. I just hope SS act on my information and we can get her cared for in the correct manner. I suspect she doesn't want to go through ASS as she has an asset and savings. Her last NoK appeared happy that he was caring for her prior and after his conviction.

OP posts:

Butwasitherdriveway · 03/04/2021 00:12

Dubious about this.

Nonameslob · 03/04/2021 00:33

You must be so worried about her. Why is she so convinced he is innocent? Especially as he pleaded guilty and went to prison. Does she seem scared of him?

Original poster

Herdwicklambs · 03/04/2021 00:43

Dubious about this

Not half as much as I am.

Yes, of course I'm concerned. I raised my concerns with her and she called my DH to ask if I was on medication? WTF?

OP posts:

Wingedharpy · 03/04/2021 01:06

"Cognitive problems are common in MS. Issues include memory, attention span, planning, decision making, understanding or concentration. Problems with thinking and memory affect around half of all people with MS. "..........from www.mstrust.org.uk.

Adult Soc Services ASAP.
She is a vulnerable adult, whether she perceives herself as one or not.

Geppili · 03/04/2021 17:09

He is grooming your cousin to accept him. Very dangerous.