Please help me navigate this

[Flowerpot28]

I don’t know what to do, I’m pregnant with DC2. Ex and I have been on and off for over 4years and have officially split at the very beginning of this pregnancy, honestly I didn’t want to have child because he’s not the best father to our DC1 ( I get little to no support from him) but he fought me to keep this pregnancy convincing me he’d be better so i have (I know stupid of me) anyways my dilemma is that I have come across some really horrible “gossip” I guess things my ex has said about me to others including my own brother. He’s called me everything under the sun, some things a prostitute, a terrible mother, telling people there’s no way it’s his baby etc all sorts really.

This was a really hard decision for me to make but I’ve decided that I can’t have him with me at the birth given that my two scans he was allowed in he was rude to midwife and very cold a dismissive towards me. I need someone there that can support me and advocate for me and I don’t believe he has my best interest at heart. This has also come from the people he has spoken to about me. The only reason why I have been told what he has said was because I was adamant that he needed to be at the birth so everyone realised I needed to hear the truth.

Anyways fast forward to now, I’ve never stopped his contact with DC1 obviously I’ve just now said that it can no longer be in my home. My struggle is that when this child is born I still don’t want him in my home, not to be difficult but it’s more he has hurt me so much and he constantly uses my vulnerability to support his hate for me. I don’t want him around me, but I don’t know how to go about him still being able to spend time and bond with new born and DC1.

He lives in a house share and nowhere near me, his family live to far for me to do the journey over there and he doesn’t drive. We’ve fought constantly over the period of DC1 life that I don’t want him in my house because that’s the only time he will see our child, he also expects me to still prepare lunch, dinner etc and he’s only here for 3hrs which leaves me without a break. So I just don’t want him in my house.

Any advice is welcome :) so sorry for the long rant

So he attempted to control peoples perceptions of you in a negative way to make himself look like a decent human being.

You don't owe this abuser access to your home.

If I were you I would speak to womens aid to get a bit of advice and I would recommend that you complete the freedom programme to help you mentally sort the behaviours from both of you during your relationship and now in the aftermath.

fwiw I think you will do just fine on your own, making the decision you have must have been difficult and you sound like you want the best for your children xx

Facilitate contact outside your home but do nothing to encourage it. Block him if he’s abusing you and consider a third party for liaising or one email address you rarely use.

I suspect you won’t see much of him.

You do not have to facilitate contact in your home. You do not have to let him into your home.

Do not allow this abusive man in your home.
Call 101 for advice.
Do not give him so much as a glass of water.
Your poor woman.