To find this vile from ex?

[zinpohar]

I've namechanged for this as this could potentially be outing

I split up with my ex when my ds (almost 16) was 11 and he's been going to his dads eow since then. A few years ago ds told me he was gay and was dating a boy from his school (this boy was openly gay). I was shocked as he had girlfriends in the past but I told him It was ok and I loved him etc. I also met the boy and he seems nice. They're still dating but ds keeps telling me about his dad being homophobic. He got back from his dads yesterday and ds told me that his dad told him he wasn't gay as he's had girlfriends and ds told his dad he was confused at that time and his dad told him he probably is confused now. His dad also said his boyfriend 'is pressuring him to be gay' and that ds is too young to know for sure. I'm also not sure why my ex keeps mentioning ds being gay and his boyfriend etc. Ds also said that at school everyone is fine with him being gay and asked why his dad can't be.

Aibu to find this vile? Ds said he's getting fed up of his dad but I can't stop all contact as I've got a 4 year old with ex aswell.

I've told ds he doesn't have to see his dad if he doesn't want to but I know my ex would say that he should be allowed to see both of his children and not just youngest

It doesnt matter what your ex says DS is 16 and can choose not to see his father if he does not want to.
You are supporting your DS dont stop that support when it comes to your ex.

I’m sorry that your poor boy is going through this with his dad it must be horrible. His dad is being a homophobic dickhead.

In my experience you can’t change people like this you can only change how you react to them. Your son might find he has no choice but to have no contact with his dad. And if he decides to do that it’s his right, regardless of whether ex still sees the younger child.

Thank you for your replies.

Ds said he doesn't want to go to his dads tomorrow (their dad is working nights when he's meant to have then next so he's having them tomorrow) so I've said it's fine and it's his choice etc

That's good, and I don't blame him.

I have one gay daughter, and one bi-sexual daughter. They are not interchangeable terms. I just asked my gay daughter how she feels about the statement that they are. She is horrified that anyone could be so wrong, and 'that's like the people who say being bi-sexual is a stepping stone to being gay'.

Just because someone has had girlfriends in the past, does not mean that they are bi-sexual. There's still quite a bit of pressure felt by many young people to conform to hetero-normative stereotypes - particularly if they are concerned that key family members are likely to accept them as being gay.

Who gets to determine or define an individual's sexuality? That particular individual, that's who. My daughter knew she was gay from the age of 11. As a parent, all I have to do is love and support her, and respect her, just the way she is, which is pretty bloody awesome.