Weddings - Covid has improved them ?

[Trickyboy]

I got married for the second time 10 years ago. Still took us 4 years to pay it off.

18 of May we are going to a wedding. 30 people Max. Bride and Groom are so chilled. Everyone looking for are to it. Simple ceremony in local church .. walking distance to the house ... where 30 of us will have a party .

That's it. £1000 all in with lavish reception.

Looking back on grandparents , great grandparents weddings .. it was the symbolism not the show that matters . I know this is going to be amazing.

Isn't this how weddings should be ? About family /friends ? Who really gives a fuck about the table decorations.. the bridesmaids favours .. doesn't that just add another layer of stress to put people off ? And leave women with little protection for the sake of £215 (the actual wedding cost ) .. with the excuse 'we can't afford it ' ... ?

I don't like this argument at all and have heard it said many times; that Covid brides and grooms should be grateful to Covid for sparing them a big fuss of a wedding. No, it has forced them into either waiting for goodness knows how long or having a tiny, watered down version of what they really wanted. I went to a beautiful wedding with 17 people in total years ago, my cousin got married with 5 people, I didn't make the guest list but the pictures looks beautiful; that was years ago too. People have always had the option to have a small wedding if they wanted to and many people do take that choice. But many other people do want the big day and the big celebration with all their friends and families and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that either.
My sister and 3 friends were all suppose to get married last year and not one of them is happy with the alternative options that they have been left with. Some are now married and some are still waiting but none of them feel good about their wedding because the choice and the magic of the day has been taken away from them and I don't think it's fair that so many people are minimising their sadness about that just because in their view, their original planned weddings were actually a total waste of money as it was.

@LividLiving

We had a small quickie wedding in October 2019 and it was awesome.

Eternally glad we didn’t put it off until spring 2020 as it still might not have happened.

Hopefully, people will start to see what’s important about weddings, but I guess plenty will still want the £25k-two-years-to-plan “experience”.

There's nothing wrong with people wanting a big wedding. No need to look down your nose at them because of the choice you made. I wouldn't want the wedding you had - it doesn't make you better than somene who chooses to spend more and celebrate their wedding in the way they want to.

A marriage ceremony costs more than £215 in a CofE church. Current figure is £463 + banns. Interestingly this is cheaper than our local registry office if you want a Saturday wedding. But to your point, I didn't go into debt for our wedding. But I do think people have re evaluated why getting married is important to them and that can only be a good thing. I hope the wedding on the 18 May goes ahead and there isn't a delay to the restrictions lifting.

I don’t see it as looking down! We experienced a lot of pressure to have a big wedding.

I’m one of those people having had to reschedule and to be honest I’m kind of glad I can scale things back and thankfully not committed huge sums so far!

I want to buy a house on the South Coast with my partner so we decided it would be better to not completely trash out savings... would much rather put the money towards house renovation

@Damnloginpopup

We had a very simple affair in the garden with just us and the Archbishop of Canterbury. Far better than having to entertain half the world.

I think there has always been small or low cost weddings, it's just those people don't spend years planning and sharing every detail of them, so not so obvious! (I'm looking at you sil with your 20k extravaganza!)
We spent just over 2k and most of that went on a huge buffet from our local little deli. We had 60 guests but hired a village hall and friends and family helped to decorate it, so we had the big party we wanted but it was super cheap.
We asked people to bring drinks rather than a gift which worked really well and years later friends often say ours was their favourite ever wedding because it was so relaxed and such good fun.
Wish I could do it all again!!!

Yes, the nicest weddings I've been to are ones where most people know each other and it's not excessively out of the brides' day-to-day life - the local church or registry office, the village hall or someone's big back garden for a party.

I think weddings did become 'industrial' and very same-y

And I heard enough accounts of people spending more than they could really afford, including having some guests only at parts of the celebration. Ideas all seemed to come from a fairly narrow set of magazines/websites. Which all fed the wedding industry.

I think the reminder that small weddings can be an excellent choice has been worth it - it's chipped away at the stranglehold of those who have a vested financial interest in selling lavish weddings.

Of course small (even with big party some time later) won't be for every one.

But I think there might be a bit more variety

@AuntieStella

I think weddings did become 'industrial' and very same-y

And I heard enough accounts of people spending more than they could really afford, including having some guests only at parts of the celebration. Ideas all seemed to come from a fairly narrow set of magazines/websites. Which all fed the wedding industry.

I think the reminder that small weddings can be an excellent choice has been worth it - it's chipped away at the stranglehold of those who have a vested financial interest in selling lavish weddings.

Of course small (even with big party some time later) won't be for every one.

But I think there might be a bit more variety

I've always hated the day/evening guest thing, it always feels very odd when the second tier of guests arrive - almost awkward! Dh & I both agreed that if we liked/loved someone enough to want to celebrate our special day with them, then we'd also like them at our actual wedding!

After all this it might become fashionable to opt for a small and simple celebration, for a while at least. The lockdown has held a mirror up to some of humanity's greater excesses. I didn't think my wedding was over the top (certainly not compared to some), but looking at it from here it was certainly bigger than it needed to be and I feel slightly silly for spending what we did.
I kind of wish we'd had a basic no-frills service and a party in the garden just for close family and best friends.

The best wedding I attended was a small affair, around 40 people, everyone knew each other, very intimate but memorable. That was 17 years ago.
In our culture it's more about inviting people the parents are connected to as well as friends but still my own was relatively small compared to others. The most stressful one was my sils, shortest wedding I'd ever been to but so full of family politics and keeping everyone happy. If it had been a year later covid restrictions would have simplified matters greatly.

Nothing wrong with bigger weddings either and they don't need to cost a fortune or leave you paying it off for 4 years either!

My friend has Gretna Green booked for August ( 🤞 fingers crossed Scotland are back open) .....They do package weddings..lol.bride groom 8 guests.....little chapel, registrar, wedding breakfast, 2 nights hotel for the happy couple, Scottish piper...... £1500 .....a bargain.....she’s so excited

This idea - which I see all the time on MN - that there is some sort of blessing in taking away everyone's choice and freedom because it lets the OP do what they want without social awkwardness drives me absolutely mad. If you want a small wedding/don't like going on nights out/want your children to do fewer activities/don't want to see your MIL at Christmas then just be a fucking grown up, grow a backbone and do what you want, rather than waiting for a pandemic to come along and fix it for you...

All day large scale weddings are awful. Essentially a load of awkwardly dressed people making small talk and getting progressively drunk.

Anything that reduces them to something that is relaxed and enjoyable works for me. The money spent by the couples and attendees is beyond ridiculous.

Definitely! We are 8 weeks until we elope! Can not wait! Lovely apartment booked, in an amazing place. Took us a few days to pull it all together. I just need shoes and he needs pants!! It's been so relaxing and enjoyable. We are going alone but family understand.

I know of 2 couples who have each been together for a couple of decades. They both had small, fun and intimate weddings this year. I'm sure lockdown gave them cover for doing their own thing and it played a part in their decision. You only have to look at some of the arguments on here about weddings to know that they do get 'political' and people do take offence. Perhaps there will be a greater role for the small affair in future and the industrial wedding will be shunned.

I had a church ceremony followed by a village hall reception catered by the local pub. Would have cost a lot less but we had about 120 guests and spent a good chunk on a band and clothing for the bridal party. We didn’t borrow any money and only spent what we had, also bought a house around the same time! Weddings don’t have to be expensive to be fun

@PurBal

A marriage ceremony costs more than £215 in a CofE church. Current figure is £463 + banns. Interestingly this is cheaper than our local registry office if you want a Saturday wedding. But to your point, I didn't go into debt for our wedding. But I do think people have re evaluated why getting married is important to them and that can only be a good thing. I hope the wedding on the 18 May goes ahead and there isn't a delay to the restrictions lifting.

It's £506 if it's ahome parish, and £552 otherwise. Including banns and all admin. But not bells, organist, choir, flowers or extra heating

If it's by licence, there may be an extra fee

www.yourchurchwedding.org/article/the-cost-of-church-weddings/

@Hardbackwriter

This idea - which I see all the time on MN - that there is some sort of blessing in taking away everyone's choice and freedom because it lets the OP do what they want without social awkwardness drives me absolutely mad. If you want a small wedding/don't like going on nights out/want your children to do fewer activities/don't want to see your MIL at Christmas then just be a fucking grown up, grow a backbone and do what you want, rather than waiting for a pandemic to come along and fix it for you...

Harsh but fair!

I had a mid-sized wedding. We spent about £10K but it’s money that we had saved and we didn’t have to go into debt for it. We did invite people we felt we had to but doing so made my grandparents happy.

Shortly after my wedding, my aunt died unexpectedly and it changed the whole family dynamics. I’ve also lost two grandparents since my wedding 5 years ago. Before the wedding I’d have liked to elope but I realised I wanted my family there. Having my frail grandparents there meant making some compromises in inviting the extended family, who came to the evening. Now I’m so grateful to have made those compromises and had the wedding we had. I’d have paid double if I’d known how different things would be 5 years later. I’m pleased for those couples who have been able to cut the compromises and go ahead with their wedding. But I’m really sad for those couples who have larger families and loads of friends who wanted everyone with them. I describe my wedding as paying £10k to have all my favourite in one space at the same time (with a few hangers on but they don’t even register in my memories). Some couples are not being given the chance to have all their favourite people in one space at the same time. After a year of being disconnected from their loved ones too.

I wouldn’t be too surprised if weddings in the next few years are massive just because people will see it as an opportunity to have everyone they haven’t seen this year in one space.

YOU had a first wedding you couldn't afford, and got stressed about it.
It's a choice.

My wedding was an extravagant affair by MN standards, and worth every penny. I organised what I could afford, didn't invite more guests than I could pay for, had an amazing dress and it was a fantastic day.

Yes we could have bought a car for the price, but we already had a car anyway .

Spending more than you have for show is silly, inviting people but expecting them to pay is cringey.

Big expensive weddings can be just as lovely and much less stressful than small and cheap ones. Ultimately, you are supposed to be happy to marry your partner.

@Damnloginpopup

We had a very simple affair in the garden with just us and the Archbishop of Canterbury. Far better than having to entertain half the world.

I had a big wedding by MN standards (120 guests, church, sit down meal, massive ceilidh) and I don't regret it for a second. Everyone had an absolute ball, it was wonderful celebrating with all those lovely people, and we're still very happily married years later. If covid had happened then, I would still have been delighted to marry the man I love, but I would have been very sad to do so without the presence of so many of our friends and family.

The good thing about this day and age (not Covid times) is that your wedding can be exactly what the couple wants. People are free to have a big do, small one with two witnesses, marry abroad, or anywhere else they want to. It’s one day they get to celebrate their love doing what they want with who they want and if I love the couple I am happy to give them that one day out of my life to celebrate how they choose! You can choose to go or not. But to expect people just to celebrate the way you want them to is pretty rubbish and narrow minded. I’ve been to many weddings, some big, some small, size had no bearing on the ones which were better than others. I do find there’s often snobbery about big weddings that there’s not with small ones. The bigger the wedding the shorter the marriage etc how about live and let live and if you don’t want to participate, don’t.