..to expect mums whose children did not come to my daughter's party after accepting the invitation to say something and not ignore me

[LilacHamster]

Two who accepted the invitation simply did not turn up, but they did not call me before or soon after party to cancel/apologise for not turning up and say what had happened.
Neither of them has even bothered to say anything to me about this even though they have seen me around in the playground enough times. I am just baffled by this behaviour, I think it is very rude of them. Should I say something (it's three weeks now as I was giving them time to approach me) or just forget it but write them off as unreliable rude people? They could have phoned, AIBU to expect them to be able to show that little bit of basic courtesy? One other mum did call when she had to cancel as her daughter was not well and had been looking forward to coming. I'm wondering if they lost the invitation because I had to gently chase them both up in the playground a few days before the party as I'd not had their replies. I find it weird it was the two I had had to remind about it who did not turn up, I just don't know why they did not say they could not come, rather than saying yes in the playground that they would come. I remember one of them seemed confused about where the venue was and I did try to explain but she still seemed uncertain but said she would find it (it was a well known venue in the area, the local sports centre which is at the local comprehensive, so hardly a difficult one!). Could it be they just a bit flaky and forgetful perhaps? I don't know what to make of their behaviour! I don't know either of them well and not sure how to approach this.

for you, my dd's party is next week and i am already at boiling point, the invitations went out on monday and at least 5 mums have walked past me and ignored me. i need to know numbers for party bags, food etc

It is rude but they may have other things going on which meant the forgot/coldnt come/couldnt get their DC to move of the sofa/whatever.

Forget it and move on.

I was amazed when holding my first party at the lack of response from other parents, not replying, not coming or worst not replying then coming anyway!

I've got used to it now but it's bl**dy rude!

odd behaviour from them for sure, especially after you had reminded them before, but come on, its 3 weeks later, you raelly van't let it bother you now.

It is really, really rude. YANBU. I'd imagine they're embarrassed now, and so they should be.

I hate kids' birthday parties, I once dragged myself out of my sickbed to ask a fellow-parent at shcool if her son was coming to my ds2's party the next day, as she haden't replied, only to have her say, well he's got grandparents coming over so he won't be able to come. Couldn't she have told me that weeks ago? I haven't talked to her since (about 5 years!)

I thought it was just me.

Last year for DS1 party, I had to chase 4 replies in the last week before the party and then 3 who had said they were coming just didn't turn up. Not one of them ever said anything to me about it.

It is incredibly rude and YANBU. I was really upset. I thought they must all hate either me or my son or why would they behave so badly towards us. I'm over it now though, but it will definitely influence this year's invites

It IS incredibly rude, espaecially when for lots of party venues you pay per head. If one doesn't turn up you still have to pay for the child.

I think:

• that these mothers said "yes" to you when you asked in the playground because they were embarrassed about saying no (like people who say Let's do lunch - easier to say yes than no - not that I'm excusing that)

• that they never really meant to come (see above about the lunch analogy) or intended to tell you they couldn't (and that that is rude in my book but different people have different standards of behaviour)

• that every now and then they feel a sort of internal squirm about having let you down, and then say och it's no worse than X did to me over Y's party (again I am not excusing this two-wrongs-make-a-right kind of attitude, in fact it makes me extra cross when I decide to spend time thinking about it)

• Most Importantly: that your life is too short to waste emotional energy on people who don't have the manners to recognise they've made a mistake/been rude.

Move on, water under the bridge, don't ask them next time. But if one of their daughters ask your dd to a party, take it as an olive branch & do go.

I have had that happen and it is really annoyinng because parties are charged per head, the kids do not turn up, you are charged and your child is upset because they do not understand why they do not attend....grrrrr, annoying all it takes is one phone call to say the child cannot attend.

I had this wih DS1's 5th birthday party in the summer.
His two best friends at the time were of course invited and their mums said they could come to the party.
One even asked if her older daughter could come too and I said yes of course, and made up an extra girls party bag for her but did any of them show up? No.
Did any of them say so much as a word about it when I next saw them? No.
It's so incredibly rude but what makes it worse is that DS1 was upset that neither of his best friends came to his party, when he'd been talking about it for weeks.

Message withdrawn

It's rude, but pointless you doing anything about it so lon after the event. You need to have asked them whether ecerything's all right ("Was X poorly on Saturday?"etc) within days of the party.

FWIW, I always chase up any non-repliers. Occasionally someone will have lost the invite or have been so swamped that they've overlooked it. But un-planned no-shows have generally either phoned up on the day, or have talked to me about it in the following days.

YANBU, if my dd's are invited to parties I always make sure I reply really quickly to make sure the parent knows whether to expect them or not, once dd1 accepted an invitation and then wasn't able to go, I sent the mum a text as soon as I knew she wouldn't be attended.

It is really rude of them, but I would just forget about it now.