To want someone to talk to?

[ConstanceGracy]

My ds20 has depression , he’s struggled a lot and I can appreciate that because I do too although mine is better controlled even though he is on medication and has had councelling.
Lately I feel I have been tiptoeing round him as anything I say to him can provoke an argument or tears from him so it means I’m biting my tongue a lot and letting certain things slide but today it came to ahead about food shopping of all things !
I asked him to be more involved in the running of the house as in food shopping especially for himself as he is vegan and the rest of us aren’t so I’ve asked him for more input into meals which he then got the hump about as he “doesn’t like going shopping” none of us do buddy!
Any way ..it then got around to just generally just how much he doesn’t like living at home (he works from home but was living away with uni friends before) and then it got to its my fault as I shout so much in the house and he can’t “deal” with it anymore as he’s had 20 years of it, Not sure where he’s got that from.. I have a habit of shouting on the odd occasion like up the stairs but he’s made it sound like it’s all I’ve done his whole life and when I questioned it he accused me of ‘gaslighting’.
I mean ffs .. this was my point in that I can’t talk to him about anything without it turning into something bigger .
This is when he said “I’m scared to come out of my room” and “I just can’t live here anymore” he didn’t elaborate on the first point so I don’t understand what he’s scared of.
Then he went upstairs , called his girlfriend and then came down with his bag packed saying he was going back to friends and he’s never coming back .
I’m so upset that he just accused me of ruining his life so to speak and then instead of talking, booked a cab and left .
My husband had just come back from hospital so walked in just as he was leaving and was baffled .
I love ds very much and have spent many a sleepless night worrying about him but nothing I do or say is right , even when I’m just a sounding board for him .
I’m sat here crying but I’m also so angry with him for blaming me and then not giving me a chance to talk about it.
So sorry it’s so long but my aibu was am I being unfair for just wanting someone to hear my side and how hard it is living with someone with depression?

He's 20. Leave him to it. Give him some space.

Yes, your DH (and us) can listen to you discuss how hard it is living with someone with depression - not your son

It's good he's gone. Don't chase him, give him plenty of space.

And when he comes back tell him he's to sort his own food/washing out now - he's an adult

Thank you both.
Dh says just leave him to it but I can’t help but be so upset by the way he just left .
His little sister doesn’t even know he’s gone and it’s her birthday next week (she’s 8 ) .
I’m a cross between angry and heartbroken.
I feel some of the things he said have caused irreversible damage to our relationship.
I apologise for being so dramatic .

Let him go.

He's just immature. I was similar at that age, I had a lot to learn. Don't pander to him too much.

He's being dramatic and rewriting history. It's him gaslighting you, not the other way around. He's projecting.

His friends will soon get sick of his selfish ways and he'll get the corners knocked off him by real life soon enough.

@AfterSchoolWorry

Let him go.

He's just immature. I was similar at that age, I had a lot to learn. Don't pander to him too much.

He's being dramatic and rewriting history. It's him gaslighting you, not the other way around. He's projecting.

His friends will soon get sick of his selfish ways and he'll get the corners knocked off him by real life soon enough.

That’s the thing though, he’s actually really likeable and very close to his friends as he’s lived with them for 4 years while at uni and that’s where he’s gone. He’s just happier not here with us. He has a really good job now but a few months into uni he started to get depressed and then covid made that ten times worse and of course that meant he changed massively although he’s always been quite “sensitive”. I think being home and living with parents is making it worse which I said I understood as it must be hard to just give up your independence after 4 years of living in your own flat but it’s just how I cannot say two words to him without him getting upset and blaming us / me and then the way he left . I do know I just have to leave him to it as he’s an adult but it still bloody hurt . He always acts like he is right about everything , all the time ..