We are both new and started at a similar time and have the same role. I am naturally more of careful and cautious person whereas she goes full steam ahead.
It's hard to describe as it's lots of little things but here are some examples:
- I was engaged in one task whilst next to me was another task that needed to be done which she started to do. She then walked away to get something and came back 5 minutes later and said "oh did you not do X yet?" which was obviously passive aggressive when it's obvious just by looking that X hadn't been done. She had started doing it and I had been standing nearby busy doing something else, so why would I have stopped mid-task and started doing X?
- For one of our tasks we have been told to be careful with a particular aspect and check it carefully. I was checking it, around 30 seconds later she said "it's never gonna be perfect you know" and I responded "I know, I'm just quickly checking it over". I feel like I have to justify everything I do to her. I wasn't taking a particularly long time to do it or anything, but it's an important aspect which we have both overlooked before and have been reminded of its importance so I wanted to ensure it was ok before continuing.
- She also will always knockdown anything I do, especially when it's from my own initiative. She will say "you don't need to do that" all the time to me and can never just let me just do what I want. They are usually things that help us work quicker and more efficiently, even if not necessarily needed at that point in time. For example, if I have a free moment I will start preparing things for the next task and she will tell me "you don't need to do that" and imply that I'm being stupid and misunderstanding what needs to be done. It doesn't affect her at all, in fact if anything it positively impacts her by making these simpler for the next task but I don't get why she has to voice her opinion.
- She will shoot down every suggestion I make, even when I know I'm in the right. For example, there's a procedure we need to do that takes literally 1 second but it's technically not needed, but I prefer to do it because that's what our policy says and it means anyone coming in after us to work will presume it has been done and it may mess them up and she will argue about it for several minutes and say it doesn't need to be done, she won't just let me do it even though it takes literally 1 second. I have noticed in the last few days she has started doing it now she obviously she realised with time that it's better to do it. She makes me feel really stupid and I feel like I'm constantly having to justify myself to her.
- She often leaves me alone to do everything whilst she goes and chats with colleagues or does something less important to busy herself but then comes back and acts surprised that I haven't finished yet when I'm effectively doing a two-person job. We can't leave the office unattended and she always leaves to go chat with colleagues which makes it difficult for me to manage to take all of my breaks or even pop to the loo during the day as she just disappears and so I can't leave. Yesterday I predicted she would try and leave and so I asked if I could take a 10 minute break first and I could tell that she was so irritated. At this point I hadn't eaten anything, drunk anything or been to the loo in 7 hours and I'm not trying to be a martyr by saying that.
- Some aspects we divide into two and do together, if I ever finish mine early I will go and help with her workload as sometimes for no fault of our own they can be more difficult and time-consuming. Whenever I happen to be taking longer she will just stand there and watch or walk away, when she can tell I'm struggling and would appreciate her help.
- We have to take our tea breaks and lunch breaks at different times and even deciding when I want to go on my lunch is a hassle. For example, yesterday she asked when I I wanted to go for my lunch and I said around 2pm if that was ok. Rather than just say yes or no she said "why don't you just go now?" even though I had literally just got back from a tea break and didn't want my lunch yet. I then said that and said I don't mind going later on if she wants to go at 2 or does she want to take her lunch now? and tried to bend over backwards to accommodate her but she just kind of seemed to turn it into an argument and went "fine, I'll go now" in a huff which another colleague overheard, I'm not a confrontational person and felt really bad and embarrassed but I don't want to take my lunch when I've just had a drink and a snack on my tea break.
- I realise now that I can never joke around with her. For example, as I'm new there are lots of things I have had to learn in a short space of time. One thing I learnt yesterday is that there is a much quicker and easier way of doing something I had been doing in a slightly longer, more convoluted way. I joked about how I hadn't realised we could do it this way and how much easier it makes things in a lighthearted way and she went "you didn't realise? yes we have always been able to do it this way" when I have never seen her do it that way so I'm pretty sure she was lying to save face. On a similar note, she will never admit she's made a mistake. Sometimes I leave to go get something and come back and something has been done wrong and she will deny it completely even though I hadn't even been in the room at the time so it's obvious it's her. Sometimes she will make a mistake, come back and loudly discover it which gives the impression that I was the one who made the mistake. If I ever make a mistake I will own up to it straight away.
It's strange as we get on well when chatting about non work-related things, but everyday at work I just feel like my confidence is constantly knocked by her. I accept I must also be responsible for this kind of dynamic but I don't know what exactly I am doing/saying that's wrong. I am happy to be told IABU and would appreciate insight into ways I can change to help this situation. From my perspective though, it just feels like I'm constantly having to defend and justify myself and my decisions, even silly things like when I want to take my lunch break.