Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


To be concerned about father in law joining dating site?

5 replies

sammichri · 31/03/2021 17:02

My 80 year old father in law told us recently that he had joined a dating site and I am slightly worried that he will be exploited - am I being unreasonable?

My MIL died about 3-4 years ago and he has been a bit lonely and lost since. He lives in a village and I think feels that everyone else is happily coupled up. This has got worse due to covid when lots of community events havent been going on as normal. He is I suspect showing slight signs of dementia but is generally sharp and knows whats what.

Anyway he has now joined mydates and is in conversation with a woman in a city about 150 miles away.

This woman seems to be 60ish and working. He says that she always take a while to reply to his messages and has only shared one photo. He has talked about possibly going to see her - which I am slightly concerned about due to the long distance drive/train required (and of course it wont happen currently due to covid)

On the one hand I am happy for him - if it makes him happy go for it.

On the other I am slightly suspicious of this - what would a 60 year old woman want with him? What do they have in common? Will she be able to have a meaningful conversation with him - I know I sometimes struggle once we have moved off the general chit chat about kids etc

My second thought is does she even exist? Is this just a dating site person stringing him along? Are they just trying to rip him off by getting him to sign up for extras etc? isnt this the way that sites like this work? Could his credit card details be taken? He is reasonably internet savvy but is not nearly cynical enough about things?

Should I be concerned or just let him see where it takes him? Is he heading for a disappointment a few months down the line if/when it all turns out to be nothing? What is the worst that can happen financially?

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 31/03/2021 17:07

He’s an adult so it’s his decision if he wants to date someone, not much you can do about it


kwiksavenofrillsusername · 31/03/2021 17:10

Never heard of my dates. I had a google and they sound dodgy:

If he lets you see this woman’s profile perhaps you could do a reverse image search, or search for her name or screen name to see if it appears on any scam warning sites. Make sure he knows to never send any money, even if she gets ‘stranded’ on the way to the date etc.


barbrahunter · 31/03/2021 17:11

I think you're right to be concerned OP, although it's true there's not much you can do. There's always a lot of stories around about people being fleeced by people they met online (obviously not all, there's some very nice people on online dating sites too). Perhaps you could google some of these articles where people lost their life savings, and show them to your FIL so at least he's clued up about what might be out there.


DogsSausages · 31/03/2021 17:15

Show him the link it sounds a scam. Now that lockdown is easing a bit maybe he can join in any community groups in his area, does his local g.p surgery run a social prescriving scheme, does he have any particular interests


Moonface123 · 31/03/2021 17:28

There are online sites specifically for widows and widowers, not sure quite how they vet them though.
Also most areas have meet ups etc for widows.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?