To ask for your help in asking for money owed to me

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

Booked a weekend away with a friend for later in the year. Found a bargain at a popular city for £175 each for 2 nights including breakfast. I did this 5 days ago now and my friend hasn't even mentioned sending the money. I know she has it, she's just sold a house she was previously renting out and owned outright. She's coming over tonight for a BBQ in the garden, any tips on how to approach the subject.

But if background: I don't lack confidence and I'm usually a straight shooter by my anomaly is money. I'm awkward as fuck about money and I NEVER chase up when people owe me. I just can't! It seems whenever this happens, people drag their heels (like every single time) and on more than one occasion I've ended up forking out for someone else's trip away, or meal, or shopping because I'm too awkward to remind me to transfer the money.

Help!

Perhaps she doesn't realise you paid upfront?

I feel awkward about money as well OP. In this case I think I’d probably send a text rather than waiting until you see her. I’d probably just say something like “All booked! Let me know if you need my bank details for your half or happy to do cash if that’s easier”

Offer her your bank details.

She does, I screenshot the email from the hotel and said "All sorted and paid for, £175 each, what a bargain"

Maybe just send your bank details saying your half is £*. I had to pay up front

I’d just send her a text saying ‘here are my bank details for paying £175, can’t wait!’

If you feel awkward about it would it be better to email/text/Whatsapp/whatever, rather than addressing it in person?

I'd message something like "Please could you transfer the money across by the weekend? My bank details are xxxxx". And then if it's not appeared by Monday, send a follow up "just remind you about this"

Hi friend, do you need my bank details or are you just bringing cash later?

Send a text: Just to remind you, you owe me £175 for our holiday. My account details are X. Can't wait to go! See you later!

Friends don't mind getting reminders.

Just send her your bank details? She hasn't mentioned it but neither have you.

During a convenient point in tonight’s conversation (perhaps when talking about how much you’re looking forward to being able to travel and have holidays) just say “oh, I should have said, I booked us that holiday we agreed on, it’s a nice little hotel by the sea, seems ideal, it’s £175 each - PayPal or bank transfer is fine, I’ll send you the details in a message / email.”

Or if you don’t like talking about money, just send her an email or WhatsApp with a link to the hotel, saying this is what you booked and it was £175, here’s your bank details, so lovely to have something to look forward to.

What you have to realise here is it is the person who is not paying you promptly/as agreed who should feel bad - NOT you!

Just text her before she gets here - 'Hi, here are my bank details for you to transfer across £175. See you later x'.

So does she have your bank details and hasn’t paid?
How do you know she isn’t bringing cash tonight?
If your close enough to go on a weekend a way surely your close enough to send a text saying here are my bank details if you can transfer me the £175 that would be great

Just text to say if you don't want to handle cash at the moment coz of covid, just transfer to my bank rather than paying me cash tonight.

@ForTheLoveOfWine

So does she have your bank details and hasn’t paid? How do you know she isn’t bringing cash tonight? If your close enough to go on a weekend a way surely your close enough to send a text saying here are my bank details if you can transfer me the £175 that would be great

Honestly that's how useless I am with asking about money

She does have my bank details

Thanks for all the advice I think I'll ask her if she still has my details tonight

Just be upfront “love could you send me over that money as I’m going to get interest in my credit card otherwise...”

OP, since she already has your bank details, I would go with:

"Just checking you haven't sent that bank transfer yet? Nothing is showing on my online banking so just wanna make sure you haven't already sent and it's not arrived"

That's my go-to

Make sure you get it back before the weekend away. Getting it back after the event is much harder (ime)

@Bibidy

OP, since she already has your bank details, I would go with:

"Just checking you haven't sent that bank transfer yet? Nothing is showing on my online banking so just wanna make sure you haven't already sent and it's not arrived"

That's my go-to

I did this recently for an cycling race that I transferred to another club member. She said she'd do it that day. Then nothing.

I sent a message a few days later asking if she could transfer the money so I could go ahead and get some new shoes I wanted.

She did it and apologised but it's not ok owing money

Hi friend, do you need my bank details or are you just bringing cash later?
This is short and to the point.

"Ooo, while you're here tonight, could you transfer me that £175 you owe me?"

"Lost my bank details, I've give them to you again now"

"No online banking? Don't worry, just drop the cash over tomorrow so I can pay it into my account before the bank holiday"

I have a 'friend' who's a fucker for not transferring money over, it's one excuse after another. Last time I booked something another friend ended up essentially buying her debt as I'd said that if she hadn't paid in the next hour I was booting her off the trip!

NOBODY forgets to pay for a trip. Nobody has forgotten that their holiday hasn’t cost them a single penny. They know it hasn’t. They are just shitty people taking advantage of your kindness.

Just say in a very bright and breezy way without ANY apology (as that’s what makes it awkward!), “I’m so excited we’ve got it all booked! Can you transfer the money to me tomorrow? Great - thanks!”. Done. No apologies for asking, no tiptoeing, no explaining why you need the money to be paid. Ask upfront and tell them the day you want it. Then take a swift drink and move on.

'Hello, can you transfer me £175 for the holiday when you get a chance? My bank details are XYZ' is fine, noone reasonable would begrudge that.

I don't get the angst, you haven't even asked for the money. She may not have kept the bank details from last time. Honestly these things are much better done by text, there's any number of good examples up thread.

Friend came over last night and the first thing she said was how much do I owe you for Bath 🤣 I was gonna be all brave and break the cycle of awkwardness but never mind