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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lazy partner

39 replies

Sclev · 30/03/2021 19:59

AIBU-
My partner works full time. As do I. I get up with our boy sort him out, get myself ready for work, drop DS off at my parents in the next town then drive back to work. Work 8 hours. Pick DS up. Back home. Cook dinner. Put washing on. Sort out bags for next day. Play with DS. Bath, read and bed routine with DS. He does NOTHING. He thinks because he pays the mortgage that’s his responsibility finished. I pay everything else. I’m at my white end!

OP posts:
tortoiselover100 · 30/03/2021 20:08

LTB!!

arethereanyleftatall · 30/03/2021 20:09

Why?

sunflowersandbuttercups · 30/03/2021 20:10

What does he say when you bring this up?

arethereanyleftatall · 30/03/2021 20:11

Not why to @tortoiselover100, I agree with that, but why to @Sclev as in why does he do so little, and why do you stay with him?

Mary46 · 30/03/2021 20:12

Very selfish. When we had our first child evenings full on so both had to do our share (our office closed at 6). Thats lousy op

Leeds2 · 30/03/2021 20:13

He doesn't pay the mortgage though, does he? The mortgage money may come out of his account, but that is because you are paying for everything else. Maybe switch financial arrangements, so that you are paying half of the mortgage, and he pays for half of the other outgoings.

Separate from that, I couldn't be with a man who thought so little of me, and his child. Things like bath time/bedtime should be shared, because you both want to do them.

Chloemol · 30/03/2021 20:14

Write down every single job that needs doing and ask which he is going to do. If he says none then that’s fine, no more washing or meals for him, he can do his own

Oneeyeopen · 30/03/2021 20:15

You should move in with your parents and leave him to pay the utilities as well.
He sounds dreadful.

Wishitsnows · 30/03/2021 20:16

Do you jointly own the house, are you on the mortgage? If not you're in a terrible position! Plus he is shit and doing nothing. Why does he think its your job?

Original poster
Sclev · 30/03/2021 20:18

Hi all. Thanks for the input. I have asked nicely for him to contribute. I've also lost my shit several times! So example- He rolls in from work after we've eaten. I ask him to wash up- he washes his plate and cutlery leaving the rest! 🤬 I do the food shop. The birthday/Christmas shop. The house work. Appointment making. Organising son to start preschool. He couldn't even tell you what school son is going too! Wtf is wrong with him! Disrespect?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sclev · 30/03/2021 20:22

@Leeds2

He doesn't pay the mortgage though, does he? The mortgage money may come out of his account, but that is because you are paying for everything else. Maybe switch financial arrangements, so that you are paying half of the mortgage, and he pays for half of the other outgoings.

Separate from that, I couldn't be with a man who thought so little of me, and his child. Things like bath time/bedtime should be shared, because you both want to do them.

Hey. If I ask him to do bath time he's all of a sudden god bad stomach or asthma attack brewing. Fuckin wet lettuce. He obviously just doesn't want to 🤷🏼‍♀️
OP posts:
Original poster
Sclev · 30/03/2021 20:24

@sunflowersandbuttercups

What does he say when you bring this up?
It ends up in a massive row and he says you know where the door is as it is his house I'm not on mortgage. So I'm kinda stuck 😔
OP posts:
tiredybear · 30/03/2021 20:24

You know this is not ok. You deserve better and your son needs a better role model.

Stop trying to work out what is wrong with him. NOTHING. He is a selfish prick who gets everything done for him, he's on easy street, why should he change?

What are his positive points? What does he bring to the relationship? What's his relationship with his son like?

Original poster
Sclev · 30/03/2021 20:25

@tiredybear

You know this is not ok. You deserve better and your son needs a better role model.

Stop trying to work out what is wrong with him. NOTHING. He is a selfish prick who gets everything done for him, he's on easy street, why should he change?

What are his positive points? What does he bring to the relationship? What's his relationship with his son like?

My son favours me over him 100% there no relationship really. He never takes him out to play, paints, crafts, walks nothing. It's always me and my sister doing the fun things etc x
OP posts:
tiredybear · 30/03/2021 20:27

Argh! Hang on, just re read threads...he pays the mortgage, you pay for everything else....But the house is in his name ONLY and you are not married?!? WHY???!!

This needs to change ASAP. He is taking you for a ride. You will be left with nothing, he has a lovely investment.

7yo7yo · 30/03/2021 20:29

Stop paying for anything.
Dave your money and LTB.

Quartz2208 · 30/03/2021 20:29

How much do you pay out in terms of bills etc if he pays out all everthing except the mortgage. Can you move out and find somewhere of your own

ButIcantsitonleather · 30/03/2021 20:29

You don’t need him. Life would be better without him. Do some sums to see what you’d be entitled to from the government and what you could manage to rent for your son and you on your single salary, and go from there.

He brings nothing to the table and he’s using you. I’m sorry. Sad

Original poster
Sclev · 30/03/2021 20:30

@tiredybear

Argh! Hang on, just re read threads...he pays the mortgage, you pay for everything else....But the house is in his name ONLY and you are not married?!? WHY???!!

This needs to change ASAP. He is taking you for a ride. You will be left with nothing, he has a lovely investment.

Yea I will have nothing. Tbh I don't want to marry him. I'd rather cut my losses. He's never asked been together 5 years. He's been like this for 3 of them. I never used to be a push over not sure why I am now 🤷🏼‍♀️
OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 30/03/2021 20:32

He pays the mortgage on HIS house. Which he owns fully. So he should be paying half the rest of the bills.

I'd leave, he's an utter wanker.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 30/03/2021 20:32

I would move back to your parents. You're not financially tied to him as you're not on the mortgage - so cut your losses and run.

You deserve so much better.

3Britnee · 30/03/2021 20:32

Is he your sons dad?

Callingallbutterflies · 30/03/2021 20:33

You might as well find somewhere else to live for you and your child. He can pay his own mortgage and all the bills for his house, plus child maintenance to you. He will love doing all his own washing, cooking and cleaning. You work full time and can achieve independence from this lazy,
pointless man. Sounds like your sister provides good support to you!

arethereanyleftatall · 30/03/2021 20:35

If you leave with nothing today, tomorrow you will have more than if you leave tomorrow.
Ducks in a row and get our as fast as your legs will carry you.

Barbie222 · 30/03/2021 20:36

I think you are being "eased out" by this lowlife. Move away and move on quick.

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