Was it just a joke or a threat?

[Wheredidthegoodgo]

If someone told you that they were going to make your child an orphan by pushing you down the stairs and later said it was just a joke and made the saying living in a ground floor flat proves it's a joke would you still consider it as such....

To me that is a threat, even if it was said with the person laughing I still think id take it as that.

It doesn't sound funny to me. But more info needed I think. Most importantly Op, how did it make you feel?

I'm not sure if I'd take it as a threat as in I would be worried they would actually go through with it, but I'd 100% not want anything to do with them again and wouldn't feel safe around them.
Who said that to you op??

it really depends on the context: who said it, what precipitated it, the relationship between the two people, the tone of voice, what immediately happened before and after (*subject of conversation etc.)

I can imagine scenarios where it's funny and others where it's threatening. But if your relationship with this person is so fraught that you can't tell... that sort of speaks volumes.

Sounds pretty threatening to me and definitely not funny to be classed as a joke

weird thing to say. can’t imagine anyone saying it as a joke ?

I can imagine scenarios where it's funny and others where it's threatening. But if your relationship with this person is so fraught that you can't tell... that sort of speaks volumes

I can't imagine any scenario where saying your child will be made an orphan could be construed as being funny

You're going to have to give more details. It isn't funny, but might not be a threat. They'd be unlikely to do it, so it could just be nastiness.

So at the time of this he had been calling our child an orphan and shouting at her. When I obviously stepped in and told him she would never be an orphan and basically to stop that was his response.

But basically now trying to gaslight me, saying it was a joke that he didn't shout etc but yes things where tense and often he would be nasty and try and cover it as a joke.

From the context, definitely not a joke. Not sure it was a threat either, as in, hopefully he really would not have done it, but definitely a horrible thing to say to someone, even in anger. And extra horrible if said in front of the child. I can't picture my DH ever saying something like that.

That is an awful thing to say to someone. I hope this isn't someone you're living with now.

There is nothing normal or ok about anything you’ve posted here. Shouting at a child and calling them an orphan? Just why? Presumably he made this “joke” in front of the child? Sounds fucked up

Doesn't sound like a joke to me. I know a few people who have made jokes along the lines of partner is worth more dead than alive (life insurance etc) so might loosen the stair carpet but it is always obvious they are joking. And never in front of their children

You’re living with the person who said that? It is threatening and even worse because it was said to a child / with the child around, and nothing funny or lighthearted about it whatsoever. Run for the hills asap.

He sounds like a dangerous maniac. Who the fuck ‘jokes’ about something like that? And directly to the child? Basically he’s a twat and a liar and a gaslighter.

Of course it's not a joke. He's saying, in anger that he's going to kill you and make your child an orphan. He's saying this in front of that child. How does your child feel hearing that? Because I'd bet my secret chocolate stash that they don't feel like having a giggle about it.

Not a joke. Massive threat, and one you should take seriously.

How old is the child? Shouting at it that it’s an orphan is horrific.

It would depend on a few factors.

What was the persons tone like.
Is the person the type to make so called "jokes"
Does the person know you well enough to make "jokes"

Said,by some one with a sick sense of humour I'd "me personally" not advising you to do this wound properly let it go over my head, said by a total stranger or someone not knowing for making "jokes" I'd be highly sickened and concerned.

There again what's the old saying "Many a true word said in jest or is it gest

The thing about jokes is that they are supposed to be funny...

Is wasn't a joke as you were not, by the sounds of it in the middle of a jovial, friendly conversation.

Something like this said my a person whilst shouting and being cross/angry is never meant as a joke.

To me the fact that this person was shouting abuse and trying to frighten a child really needs sorting out.

OP this is clearly domestic abuse. I have been in an abusive relationship and it’s clear to me that he started saying the orphan thing exactly so that you’d say “what do you mean she is an orphan?” So he could step in with this nasty threat. Whether he intends to act on this isn’t clear but there are no circumstances in which threatening to throw your partner down the stairs and make your child an orphan is a joke. Please speak to Women’s Aid or similar for advice or call the National Domestic Abuse 24/7 helpline on 08082000247. This is NOT ok.