Not sure I can cope much longer

[Flowers24]

Background - dh has had several health issues requiring surgery and other treatment, just had more surgery again after having the last one only last year. I / we are thankful he has had it done with Covid but i am struggling. Dh cant do much at all, I am getting his food and drinks and ensuring he takes the medication, get him to the regular hospital appts etc . He is becoming more and more depressed, its understandable given his situation, normally he is always busy desiging things, making things, engineering things, working etc

I cant spend much time with him as having to work as much as I can to keep the money coming in, teens are typical in that we dont see much of them.

I just dont know what to do, have bought him puzzles and stuff and trying to keep positive saying 'you will get better!' (should be better mobility wise in 5-6 months) and then I go off and have a good cry in an empty car park.

Ordered some more puzzles ... got him out in the sun today,....roll on a few months time this is hard :(

I think you need to give your teens a kick up the bum get them to start helping you. With things like preparing meals, laundry, doing dishes. Household things that they should be helping out with anyway.

I’m recovering from shoulder surgery, my husband is working away, my children have had to step up and help out even though it’s hard going for me to get them to do that they have to do it.

I can understand his depression, I feel very isolated and useless at the moment and I have a 3 to 5 month recovery. It’s not easy for any of you

So he doesn't have a smart phone & he doesn't have a lap top - does he have a tablet? I'd go bonkers without mine if I had limited mobility. You can get refurbished pretty cheaply, but I bet if you asked around friends/family there would be spare ones sitting about doing nothing.

Does he have any 'low Covid risk' friends that would come & visit? (In the garden or windows open??)

Does he have streaming TV?

Is he doing any rehabilitation exercises?

Try to hold onto the fact that (fortunately) it's temporary!!

Look after yourself!

Why not get him to download duolingo or similar on his phone? It's a free app to help you learn new languages. Might keep his brain feeling engaged while he's not able to do much else

You absolutely need a family meeting and kick the teens up the arse. They need to commit to doing household stuff and helping out Dad.

Hold WiFi to ransom of all else fails? Start with the "I'm so disappointed that you haven't offered to help. I struggling"

How are you doing today OP?

Ask the GP or local social services department for an assesment for free carers. You should be entitled to around 2 months of free carers for your husband. It might be the difference in you feeling supported and keeping your shit together.
Even if they just come in for a welfare check, do some washing up, help hang a load of washing out, do his medications? It would be free for a short term social care package.
My Auntie received this and it worked wonders to take the strain off my uncle (her official carer) and allowed him some breathing space.

So he can get out of bed and go to the loo and have a shower and get up and down the stairs ? That is pretty good going if he has just had surgery and will get easier as time goes on.

Would he consider speaking to the GP about his mood ?

Do any of the teenagers have a laptop or tablet he could use whilst they are at school/work ?

Out of interest , did he do a lot of stuff around the house before or have you always been the one doing the lions share ?

Your teens need to step the fuck up! It’s their Dad FFS!

I think you need a rota OP and the WhatsApp group is a good idea to remind the teens if it's their day/hour. If he's not great with devices, there used to be a scheme called Home Library Service that would deliver books and DVDs for free. I don't know what has happened to it since Covid, but trying googling it for your area.

I sympathise as my DDad was in hospital for two months in August and September and all he wanted to do was relive the glory days of his career (car related). My God it was dull - my sister and I took the weekend visiting shifts so our mum could have the weekends off (this was back when hospital patients were still allowed visitors).

Is there any way you can set up a bed downstairs (if there is a loo there)? It would be easier for him to get to the kitchen/garden himself. Is he getting physio visits at home?

We have an ensuite so he is ok for that.
I feel like life is on hold, it is anyway with Covid but and this , just need the months to hurry up. I guess my life isnt on hold but i feel guilty doing anything. Someone told me, when you are going through hell, keep going.

Are the teens stepping up?

I wouldn't be pussy footing around this.

I wouldn't be protecting them from the load that you are carrying.

Spell it out and if they don't step up, you have a big problem on your hands.

I have teens I know they can be a bit self absorbed/blind to things but once spelt out I would be confident that they would pull their figure out.

Spell it out too them.
Stop doing any of their laundry for example.

They should be able to prep veg for cooking.

Loos and hoovering should be handed over to them and I have found saying don't let me see that phone in your hand and your jobs not done.

Having everyone at home fulltime has meant that the house requires more cleaning.

There is no way that I'm doing the whole lot of it and I'm not WFH!

They are slightly, i am just mentally drained and not sure i can be positive for my husband much longer, we have months to go yet.