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Sick of the hypocrisy

4 replies

Beautifulbutterfly · 29/03/2021 20:52

I divorced my ex husband 5 years ago because of him being violent towards me on two occasions, emotionally abusive (constantly undermining me) and because of his substance misuse. I have two dd’s (now 7&6 years old). His contact with them is court ordered.

Ex H moved straight back in with his parents when we split up and he has lived there ever since. He has never had DD’s overnight because there is no room for them at his parents, (2 bed house). He never paid a penny towards their nursery fees nor any childcare costs over the years (I’ve always had to sort out childcare over the holidays). He pays minimum legal maintenance each week (£60) and thinks that he is wonderful doing this. I am constantly saving to buy DDs clothing, shoes, days out (pre COVID) school things, toys etc. He has £200 per week to himself as he pays no rent/mortgage, council tax or bills. He is extremely narcissistic (his mother has always done everything for him/run around him all his life) and he thinks he is Mr Wonderful by buying gifts for DDs birthdays, Xmas and Easter.

I just feel so fed up of the hypocrisy sometimes that he pretends to be a fantastic parent whereas in reality he does zero work (he can’t be bothered to do any parenting at all just Disney dad stuff - on a Saturday taking them for lunch for fast food/buying a cheap toy) and pays basic legal maintenance.

Will my DDs see him for what he is when they get older and know who was actually there for them day in day out doing all the donkey work? Am I unreasonable to feel this way? Thank-you if you’ve read this far! Sorry for ranting! I just feel so fed up with it all.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


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EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 29/03/2021 20:58

YANBU - but seriously, however much she ran around and catered on your every whim, would you want to be living at your Mums in your (I presume) 30's?
It's hardly living the dream; he sounds like a bit of a loser - and your children will probably realise this when they're older.


KeyWorker · 30/03/2021 09:36

The thing is when you are 6 or 7 a McDonald’s happy meal and some plastic tat is the dream. A day at Dads means treats, unlimited TV and no bedroom to tidy. As they get older they will see him for the looser he is. For now, smile and nod when they tell you how wonderful he is, enjoy a few hours quiet time and continue doing all the things you are doing to be the constant, reliable parent in their life. They will see him in time, but they have to work it out for themselves.


Mypathtriedtokillme · 30/03/2021 10:14

From experience (of being the kid) Yes, they will see him for what he is.

You might get a heap of the teen anxiety and attitude but that’s because they know they can rely on you and that your their safe space and will still live them no matter what.


Jobseeker19 · 30/03/2021 10:19

They will see him for what he is.

My dad was like this and we used to be excited to see him.

But all the Disney dad stuff gets boring and you start to see through everything.

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