advice re marriage

[thegardensgreen]

i'm struggling.
me and my H of 19 years are not getting on - our communication seems to be off and when we do try and talk about anything, we just seem to misinterpret what the other one is saying.
a couple of things have wound me up, the first is that over the weekend it was a special date for us so we had a good time together and had sex fri and sat. sun morning i wasn't up for it and my other half proceeded to pull back the covers and have a wank - very openly. to be honest i was just on my phone - i felt he was being quite passive agressive and i gave him a helping hand but thought wtf.
i really think i'd like a cat, my husband has point blank said no. no more pets, we have 4 kids and have a busy life but i feel i wfh and if i want a cat, i shouldn't have to pussyfoot around him or run everything by him.
also, i have always wanted to do a touring holiday around usa. my husband has said, sure if you want to go, go, but i'm not coming with you. again, i think wtf.

overall he is a good man. we've had a lot of good years together and have enjoyed each others lives but i am really feeling like things are going south and i am a bit lost as to how or if i really want to get it all back on track.

Forget passive aggressive, him masturbating in thr way that he did was aggressive full stop and designed to make you feel both guilty and uncomfortable.

It sounds like you might be reaching the end of the road with your marriage but how do you feel? Do you want to stay married, do you still love him?

If the answer to either of those last 2 questions is yes, you may wish to explore marriage counselling. You clearly need to have a frank discussion with him regardless though, it sounds like he's very dismissive of you.

Do you feel respected generally? How does he respond to your views and opinions in other matters?

So you want a cat and a trip to the USA. What does he want? What things can you do together to strengthen your marriage? Or do you actually want to separate?

You're quite right with the wanking one. I fully agree with what @TaraR2020 said.

Regarding the cat, he said 'no more pets' - how many do you have? I don't agree that you should just get one but that's because my DM just kept getting animals and not looking after them so everyone else did. If you did go for a trip to the USA - who would be looking after this cat?

If he doesn't want to go to the USA, he doesn't want to. He's quite right, you can go.

Having a cat in the home really needs to be a joint decision.

As for the holiday, we had different tastes in holidays and OH had no issue with me taking holidays on my own, there shouldn't be a problem with you having a tour around US if you both agree you can afford the time and money. (Though once the kids hear you may end up with them wanting to come along.)

And as for the wanking, just not nice.