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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that living off a trust fund or parental income is no better than living off benefits.....

129 replies

Ravenspeckingearly · 28/03/2021 21:59

.....in terms of the example you set your children.
I’ve crossed paths with a few of these types lately.....grown adults who do nothing except the school run twice a day (both parents do both trips) and spend the money that drops into their accounts on a monthly basis. Surely it just teaches their offspring that adult life is all about the gym and lunching? Can you teach your own children about ‘adulting’ if you’ve never had to do it yourself?
I know a couple of other adults who have trust funds or are heavily supported by parents to live a very affluent life, but they also have jobs, mostly in highly competitive professions.
Thoughts please.

OP posts:
Ontheblink · 29/03/2021 10:37

Mind your own business OP, you don’t know everything about their lives, so why judge? Touch of envy by any chance

malaboi · 29/03/2021 10:38

I know someone like this & agree with another poster their life is quite limited.

I don't see how it's like benefits as people on benefits have to budget etc whereas the person I know doesn't really know how to be responsible for much.

malaboi · 29/03/2021 10:41

what's with all the "mind your own business" comments. Wouldn't that mean AIBU was redundant as that would apply to most threads? 😆

yoyo1234 · 29/03/2021 10:42

I like VettiyaIruken Comment:
”Is it morally right to take a job that you don't need when others do very much need that job?

I'd say volunteering your time gives your children a far better message than working when you have a huge trust fund."

I feel a similar way about people having 2 homes- really question the ethics of it.
Only thing I would say about trust funds is they are frequently used for tax avoidance so do take money out of the "system".

malaboi · 29/03/2021 10:44

I disagree a trust fund is equal to benefits though. A trust fund costs tax payers nothing and is family money. Benefits cost the tax payers and outcomes for children can be affected hence we have pupil premium in schools.

Yeah cause the people with the big wealth & trust funds passed down for generations are so good at paying taxes 🤔

HildegardeCrowe · 29/03/2021 10:48

There’s more to life than work. If you can make life meaningful without having to slog away at a job which you possibly hate (very few people actually like their jobs), why do it because it’s “morally” the right thing to do? My daughter’s dad has never worked (although I always have) but she’s always known she wants a career. I don’t think that necessarily what parents do work wise has a significant affect on the children.

fruitbrewhaha · 29/03/2021 10:50

What's wrong with living off benefits?

womaninatightspot · 29/03/2021 10:58

[quote JustSleepAlready]@womaninatightspot

Congratulations!!! I know the feeling very well. Hope the job is everything you need it to be![/quote]
Me too feeling v. excited actually.

Ilovechinese · 29/03/2021 11:01

None of your business! You sound jealous

whetherpigshavewings · 29/03/2021 11:05

YABU

if you were not jealous, why would you even care...

CounsellorTroi · 29/03/2021 11:10

If someone can afford to not work then what’s the problem with them not taking up paid employment that someone else needs more?

KindnessCrusader · 29/03/2021 11:13

I don't understand how you know this much about other people's (friends?) financial arrangements Confused

RickiTarr · 29/03/2021 11:15

I think if I came into huge wealth I would start a charitable entity that used my professional qualifications purely to help people who needed it. Probably a lot of charities started that way.

On the side, I’d have time to write exactly what I’ve always wanted to.

You can’t legislate what people do with their time, if they have the money to do what they like.

RickiTarr · 29/03/2021 11:16

Yeah cause the people with the big wealth & trust funds passed down for generations are so good at paying taxes 🤔

Grin
MintLampShade · 29/03/2021 11:17

Wish I had a trust fund!! 😩 (and a Nanny)

SplendidSuns1000 · 29/03/2021 11:19

Why does it matter? Not every person who relies on the government for their income is the same. You can't group 2 hugely different groups of people together just because they get an income from people who work.

I think it's excellent that some parents are able to fun their children's lives, surely we should be happy that the parents care about the children enough to provide that? If those children turn out to be assholes it's unlikely to be because of the money but because of their privilege or environment. Money clearly isn't everything.

Authenticchicken · 29/03/2021 11:22

My DH retired very early. Inheritance helped him do this but is only part of the picture. We both do the school run. I have a job. But it's not really anyone else's business tbh.

Also:

if someone doesn't love a job why should they spend their life working in a possibly meaningless role when they don't actually want or need any more money?

This. My DH hated the thankless job he did for the same company for 25 years. I am glad he gave it up.

PeggyHill · 29/03/2021 11:23

Why do we need to rank people in this way? Why does one group of these hypothetical people need to be "better" at all?

I suggest you crack on with your own business and stop worrying so much about the personal finances of the unemployed people you happen to know.

AdultierAdult · 29/03/2021 11:24

I see your point. One born into money shouldn't feel morally superior to someone else who also doesn't work in the traditional sense. But the wording in your post implies there's something wrong with benefits claimants and I don't believe that either. I'm happy for my tax money to support the vulnerable in our society.

roarfeckingroarr · 29/03/2021 11:25

YABU because it doesn't cost the taxpayer

VestaTilley · 29/03/2021 11:26

YABU. It’s not really anything to do with us. If anything, I’m envious! What I’d give to have a private income and capital.

It’s not the same as benefits (which I have no problem with people needing) because it’s not paid for by the tax payer.

Does it set a great example of a hard work ethic? Probably not, but it’s their life to do with as they choose. Provided they pay tax on their income then good luck to them.

If it were me I think I’d create a beautiful garden, and/or try and write etc. But if they just want to happily spend their time dropping off their kids at school then that sounds nice too.

celiafforcandle · 29/03/2021 11:28

Are we talking of accepting something as of right or are we confusing that with 'scrounging'.
If you have an incapacitating illness for instance the country has decided that we will give you an allowance. This is via taxation.
If you get an income from a Trust Fund lawyers will have made very sure that you qualify.
If you lie about your symptoms or if you avoid working when you are fit and capable then you are scrounging.
What and how do you know the situation of the people you observe?

Yogatomorrow · 29/03/2021 11:36

I agree with the op. I am a teacher and worked in private schools teaching kids who are destined to become supported by their parents. We felt sorry for them. They will not experience fully autonomy as an adult. They won't have the life skills that others have. Also they have just the right same right to vote (as is right) but so much less life experience. That's what annoys me (yes I am bitter: cousin 1 and 2 brexit/Conservative voting has had a direct effect on my life already while they are cushioned to any negative effects because of richer parents).

jessstan2 · 29/03/2021 11:42

The title of this thread makes it sound as though living off benefits is bad. Some people have to. These people don't have to and that can only be a good thing, they are independent.

Later on they may find something worthwhile to do. In the meantime they have more time with their children.

I wouldn't be concerned about it.

RocktheLockdown · 29/03/2021 11:52

My parents (and grandparents) died when I was relatively young. So by my early 20s I'd inherited a significant amount. I still went to uni, still got a job. But when our second dc was born I decided to become a SAHM.

I am aware of how financially fortunate we are, and I guess you'd view me as someone who swans about living off inherited wealth, only doing school pick ups and teaching my dc that life is only about gym and lunching (once covid restrictions lift, these are actually both things that keep me busy and entertained whilst the dc are at school.)

However I'd like to think I'm still a fully functioning member of society - I volunteer at the dc school, I'm friends with my elderly neighbours and have time to look after them (especially during covid), i have spent the past year homeschooling, I pay income tax on my investments, I contribute to the local economy.

I'm aware my dc are enjoying a privelidged upbringing and that my life is easy compared to lots of others. Do I believe its somehow damaging them? No. They are happy, kind and thriving little humans. They don't act spoilt, they have compassion. We can afford to give them lots of opportunities, fun experiences and devote a lot of time and attention when they need it and that's not something I will apologise for.