AIBU to take a few years out of work.

[Troublewaters2021]

Hi
I don’t know think I just need somewhere to talk things through.

I have 3 kids, one teen one primary school and one baby.
Maternity leave is going fast and my primary school aged child has complex health needs which have changed recently meaning she needs a lot of input. We do have carers and great home set up with them.

I work long hours and have been working these hours since I was 16 ( now 29 )
I earn good money in my job but can work averagely 50 plus hours a week.
I have been having some extra income in due to online stuff ( won’t go in to detail ) which is bringing in quite a fair amount that has increased since I have been home knee covid and maternity.
I have a DP who works however are finances are separate and I have savings.
We will be mortgage free when we move.
I am thinking of a 2 year work gap but worried this will set me career back hugely when aiming to get back in to work.
I would continue to do networking and social media from home.
I just feel exhausted but have never been out of work before.
I feel like I would be letting everyone down but can’t seem to find the motivation to return !

How about going parttime? As you say, a two year gap would set you back hugely - you might never get that 'in' again, but continuing around 25 hrs pw would mean you aren't in that position.

Not really the issue but I can't believe you have a teen child at your age. Crikey.

I don't blame you for feeling burned out with all that on your plate but quitting for a few years does seem like an extreme solution that would set you back a lot. Is there an alternative? Reduce hours? Request a period of unpaid leave and see how you feel? A job to go back to is a thing worth having right now, I think...

@ScarfaceCwaw he is now 14 and don’t regret it in the slightest :)

Part time I can’t see working with my main role, but I could possibly quite main job and try to keep “ freelance “ going.

I am just soooo tired.

I don’t advise it. What would make going back to work easier for you? You say that you have carers arranged for your middle child. Are you and your partner expecting to share the work and expense of looking after the baby when you return to work? Could he do more in the short term to give you a break?

If you can afford to and it would make your life easier then do it. Sounds like you've worked hard and had a lot on your plate for a long time. That hard work is paying off do enjoy this time with your kids. Give them your full attention if you can. You've great experience and work ethic, you're still very young (I know you don't feel it but you are ♥️) so I've no doubt you'll rebuild your career at the right time with little difficulty xx

Yes we have carers 3- 4 nights a week now but she has just don’t through life changing surgery. I just feel like I want to be there as her mum and see her through this.
I feel like I’m going through a bit of a crisis. Maybe a GP appointment will
Help.

No I wouldn’t if you’re not married and have separate finances with your partner. That all makes you incredibly financially vulnerable. You seem to be juggling a lot - why can’t he step up and take some of the burden - if he won’t then he doesn’t sound like a decent guy and that’s more reason not to make yourself more dependent on him.

Agree about not making yourself financially dependent on your partner.

I get that it’s tough, particularly when one of your children has been unwell. You suggest making a GP appointment: why not give it a go? Then as a PP says, work out ways for your partner, or even other family members if they are available, to help you whilst you are going through a difficult and stressful time.

Don’t bin your career and your independence.

[quote Troublewaters2021]@ScarfaceCwaw he is now 14 and don’t regret it in the slightest :)

Part time I can’t see working with my main role, but I could possibly quite main job and try to keep “ freelance “ going.

I am just soooo tired.[/quote]
Isn't your main job secure? With things like holiday pay, sickness pay, maternity rights, parental leave, a pension scheme?

Something run online might be profitable right now, but it's never guaranteed in the same way that a regular, well paying job is; plenty of people have found out over the last year that their self employment, which had been great for them 13 months ago, has been an utter disaster compared to a 'normal' job.

You've come through the particular challenges of teenage pregnancy, the birth of a child with significant health needs and built a good career. I'm really struggling to think of any job that is literally impossible to do on a part time basis - OK, it might be different, might not be quite so well paid or with many opportunities for promotion, but if we can have part time surgeons/doctors, lawyers, accountants and suchlike, unless you're something like a government minister, soldier on active duty or presenter on a daily TV show, there are few positions that can't be done part time or at least adapted so that you are at home more often. Even pilots get rest days.

I believe that to completely quit your security would be a mistake. You've done so much, achieved so much; continuing could give all of your children more security in the future, whether paying for more help, adapting a home - and, to be realistic, in case your partner/husband if you have one decides he's off and he's going to have half the house out from under you - you need long term security more than anything else.

If money's OK, could you put some towards having other day to day things taken care of? Housework, washing, ironing, that kind of thing? Childcare whilst you sleep/do something for you and you alone?

I suspect I'm rambling a bit. I apologise - but I hate the idea of you potentially putting your future (and maybe that of your children) at risk because you're finding it tough with a 3rd baby/a fair bit of Mum guilt.