Is he being fair or AIBU?

[newmummylucy]

Hi everyone

I have a little boy who I fell pregnant with (planned) whilst I was between office jobs (unplanned) and therefore I don't currently work and I'm a full time mum which I love.

My husband on the other hand ever since I became pregnant has been saying to me I've never had a proper job, I'm a failure and I bring nothing to the table, telling me I have no future etc and saying being pregnant and giving birth etc is just an excuse and he has put a lot of pressure on me to do some kind of job and to make something of myself - so I have build my own business which is going well, but I am spending all my spare time on my business (evenings/weekends etc) and now my husband is shouting at me saying I haven't done his washing, he has no time to himself because he's looking after our son on weekends while I work...

I could have quite happily carried on purely being a FTM to our son and thought about my future when the time was right but I felt so pressured into doing it right now by him...and now I'm doing it he's saying he has no spare time. (He does have every evening to himself and I try to start my work late afternoons at the weekend so I can watch our son)

AIBU to think that I just can't win with him?
How can I juggle things better? I'm trying my hardest.

Please also note that this isn't stemming from a lack of money, more from the point of he's got a great career and I have nothing in comparison.

Please be kind, I'm feeling very overwhelmed and drained.

He sounds like a nasty bully. Do you stand up for yourself or have you been trying to appease him?

He's an abusive cunt. Simple as that. My stbxh was the same - moaned in exactly the same fashion about not working then once I was working moaned that I hadn't done x,y and z. You can't win because these type of men can't be reasonable like a normal person. Best thing to do is build your business and make a plan to leave. I'm sure there is more that he does that if you think about it with a clearer mind is also abusive

Why are you with someone who degrades the shit out of you?

Telling you that you’ve never had a proper job, you’re a failure and bring nothing to the table, telling you that you have no future sounds as if he doesn’t even LIKE you very much.

I do try to stand up for myself but I end up getting really wound up and losing my temper and then the argument switches to the fact I've lost my temper and how I'm behaving 🥴

If you stood up to him and asked him straight what he thought would happen when you got a job?
What about the free time every evening?

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Sounds like you can't do right for doing wrong. You'd be happier without him

I do try to stand up for myself but I end up getting really wound up and losing my temper and then the argument switches to the fact I've lost my temper and how I'm behaving 🥴

He's a horrible narcissist and a bully OP. This is a gaslighting tactic. How much of this can you put up with?

Your husband is a nasty bully and you’d be better off without him in every way.

"My husband on the other hand ever since I became pregnant has been saying to me I've never had a proper job, I'm a failure and I bring nothing to the table, telling me I have no future etc and saying being pregnant and giving birth etc is just an excuse"

That should have been enough for you to leave. You can't win with him. This will start to impact on your mental health. When you discussed having a baby, did you talk through who would the workload would fall on and if you'd both put time to yourselves on the back burner?