To ask you to tell me the good, the bad and the ugly about life as a single parent?

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I was contemplating staying until the kids are 18.. I'm now contemplating potentially leaving in the near future. But I want to know the reality of what could be in store for me, warts and all. Not just how amazing it is to have your own home decorated how you want.. I want to hear how devastating it is to wake up on your own on Christmas Day with your children being at their Dads etc. I want to mentally prepare for it all.

The good is that you are in control of your own life and will be happier on your own than being in a bad relationship. Hopefully you will develop a close relationship with your children and have sources of support round you.

The bad is that you have to do everything yourself like support them, take them to school and clubs etc. It can be lonely, for me it was filling the stocking alone on Xmas eve that was the hardest.

If you are in conflict with their dad it adds another layer.

I'm still glad I went it alone since it was better than staying in an unhappy relationship.

I have full residency of my children so haven't had to do the Christmas day thing. The hardest thing about being a single parent hasn't really been money. Its been tight but we have coped.
The hardest part for me has been not having a break from the children. This may make people think why do I need a break from my children? Its because in a normal relationship you could probably go on a hen weekend, or a gym class or even to the shop without it having to be a family outing. I didn't get free time when they were at school I was at home for 10 years with no socialll life whatsoever..luckily I had good friends who would come to me.
The positives for me have been the lovely atmosphere at home. This outweighs the negatives tenfold. No sulking, no extra mess that I was expected to be responsible for..
It is common for you to worry about not seeing the children. My friends were terribly upset when their children went to the other parents. A year down the line they were doing their own thing in the spare time. Gym classes, meeting friends or just lolling about at home in peace..

Christmas day... Bliss of a lie in, champagne for breakfast, a restaurant lunch out with adults that can last as long as you like. You then do the kids Xmas day when you have them back. It's just a date, and a made up wrong one at that.
Seriously though.. So much depends on different factors,, age of kids, finances, how much contact the nrp will have, do you have support from friends, family etc. My ex left, I didn't choose it. 5 years on, and it's hard, juggling everything but I have a good job, amazing parents who help enormously and kids are hitting a slightly more independent age. The most difficulty I have is that my 2 are very different so it's hard to find activities, food or even a film to watch that they are both happy with.

Best thing is when you’re with them you can give them all your time and attention without an obnoxious partner constantly fighting for your time, and getting grumpy if you don’t ignore the kids to attend to them!

Second best thing is being able to bring any child into your bed for cuddles if they need it without dealing with passive aggressive noises from a grumpy partner.

Worst part (at first) is not having them around 50% of the time. Once you’ve found yourself a new partner/friends/hobbies, this time, while still sometimes sad becomes a bit of a blessing as you have a free babysitter for days and nights out.

Worst part later is when your ex tries to force their new partner into your kids lives and tells them it’s fine to call new partner Daddy X or Mummy Y 🤮

The good: being happier, nicer atmosphere at home, making own decisions without having to consult anyone else, no one to answer to except yourself.

The bad: money worries, everything falls to you, worry about when they’re with their dad,

I definitely made the right decision about 8 years ago to separate. He never was a great dad anyway - only when it suited him. Contact wise the kids are older now 19 + 14 so the older one sees his dad but the younger one not so much now, last year in the summer he went to his dads for a week and they did absolutely nothing except stay at home. He was bored and upset he’d spent a week of his summer holidays there instead of at home seeing his friends etc., he won’t go this year.
It is hard being alone but happier.

I don't find it devastating sharing Christmas etc. I'm glad that I get a regular break from being just "mum" and I have time to be "me" when DS is with his dad.

Cons - less money obviously. I rely on tax credits to top my wage up. Not ideal but what can you do.

Also trying to co parent when you might have different views on things. My ex husband sometimes handles things differently than I might have done and vice versa. Communication is key.

DC might be upset at times. DS sometimes asks why me and his dad don't live together. Just let them express their feelings.

New partners. I have decided not to have another relationship. I think "stepfamily" situations bring more negatives than positives. That's a sacrifice I'm happy to make though.

Aside from that, there are no other negatives and divorcing my exh was the best decision I made.

I love my life as a single parent. If you're in an unhappy relationship and you're sure it's not worth working on I would encourage you to take control of your life.
Things that do my head in: it's a cliche but having to take the bins out, not being able to go to bed until I've sorted the kids out, although this is improving now they're a bit older.
discipline is a little different, in some ways better in that I don't have to navigate ex's over-reaction to stuff , in some ways more difficult as I don't have a resident bad cop.
Holidays can be a bit hard work being the only adult.
On the other hand my bed us my own, I don't have a great big man child and his unreasonable expectations, intense moods and reflectance to leave the sofa. I wake up without doors slamming around me, no one bothering me for sex when I'm knackered from the mental strain of it all. The atmosphere at home is chilled and lovely. The best decision I've ever made tbh.
I feel I must warn you about the year or two of arguing and threats about financial ruin, homelessness etc that can constitute a divorce. Don't rise to it, get yourself a sensible solicitor and keep your eye on the actual prize. Independence.

I think different things affect people so it's hard to generalise.

It greatly depends on the relationship with the other parent, and the reasons for the relationship ending.

If you are unhappy, and have not succeeded in addressing this with your H, you need to plan to leave. I firmly believe that staying when a marriage is over, is awful to everyone

If you know you've made the right decision, you'll cope. It is very hard. Usually, the responsibility & the worry of finances is particularly hard.

Being a single parent far out ways staying in a crap relationship

I have to say for me there is all good and no bad or ugly. No bullshit: my life has improved on every single metric and there is no way on earth I would go back to marriage or cohabiting.

But I think there are other factors which can make it much harder, the behaviour of the other parent seems to be a particularly tough one and if your ex is a narcissist who wants to make you suffer it’s going to be painful. That said, bringing kids up with a person like this isn’t the solution either.

Single parenting is also hard work and the lack of respite can be exhausting.

I couldn’t be more of an evangelist for it. It has made my life better in every possible way.

Oh yes, re new relationships. On contact weekends etc I dated and am in a relationship now with a guy that gets it. No blended family on the horizon.. Ex moved straight in with OW. My (and the kids) home is secure so long as I have a job. It doesn't depend on whether someone wants to sleep with me. We 'live apart together', absolutely best of both worlds

From a childs point of view I’d say it’s far better if you are civil and they are kept out of the adult matters, you are secure with finances, they can travel easily between both parents as they wish and adult dating is kept separate from them.

Special events can just be moved to different days, many do that anyway re birthdays etc once at school.

Hi OP I'm not a single parent but hope that whatever decision you come to it is the right one for you.My friend is a newly single parent and tells me that the emotional peace she now feels far outweighs the negatives. Shutting your own front d

V happy being alone. Hate the fact I have to very occasionally communicate with the bellend.