DH's relative

[BrilliantBetty]

I live in a small town. DH has a relative a similar age to me, on paper we should get on well. But something is just lacking.

We've been meeting throughout lockdown(s) to walk, often along the river. Have a chat etc. But I always come away from the walk feeling cringy that I talked about myself too much. Shared too much. Or asked too many questions.

I've been feeling reluctant to continue meeting for walks (usually twice a month). And when DH today suggested I set something up, I just said 'I can't, I can't stand it any more I just talk too much' and he agreed and said he thought it was because she doesn't offer much in conversation and while she is nice enough, it's hard to get much out of her.

It's a shame, as she is quite nice. But I just don't like how I feel afterwards. I feel stupid and drained.

Anyone been through this?

AIBU to stop meeting her? And without giving the reason?

It’s his sister isn’t it?

Why are you meeting dh's relative, why can't he?

My personal credo is that I don't spend time with anyone who makes me uncomfortable, miserable, anxious, etc. Life is too short and you are not obligated to be their friend.

Yanbu. Some people just make you feel horrible.

Why do you have to set something up? His sister (I take it) - it's down to him. And you're just 'busy.'

Sorry, I meant to go on. I got sidetracked. Don’t bother meeting them if you feel weird and shit after. What’s the point? It’s not up to you to maintain the relationship with his relative. Don’t do it to be ‘proper’. Just keep being ‘busy’ if they ask.

No obligation to meet anybody. Choose your own companions.

They might feel the same.

You could meet and talk less? It is not necessary to do all the heavy lifting conversationally.

But if you don't want to meet, just make excuses and do it very infrequently.

Dh has a cousin like this. In normal times I will try to engage on conversation but it is like getting blood out of a stone. I am quite shy by nature myself but am better one on one so I get it. At first I thought it was just me but she has now my dh for 25 years and still doesn't talk to him much or ask him any questions. It is just her way, I backed off and let her contact me when she chooses to. Maybe try doing the same thing?

Sounds like you're just different people. I don't need constant conversation. I am quite happy to go for a walk and not talk and I'd probably feel exhausted if someone constantly talked and asked questions.

Social contact is so sparse at the moment I wouldn't want to feel obliged to keep meeting someone if I wasn't really enjoying it. Sometimes people just don't "click" for various reasons. But why can't DH meet her himself?

Some people are really difficult to talk to. I agree, it's so easy to just keep talking yourself because the silences are uncomfortable. Is she a nice woman who's just a bit quiet?

It's not his sister.
He does have a sister but she doesn't live in our town.

Is she a nice woman who's just a bit quiet?

She doesn't seem it with other people. And has a large social circle. I haven't actually seen her amongst a group of friends.

What relative thats not his sister could you possibly have to meet this much? If you don’t click stop meeting up. If it’s a cousin or whatever it’s fine not to meet them that much/ever.