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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To those in the menopause

38 replies

Flowers24 · 27/03/2021 11:27

Did you start panicking and then want to have a baby again or wish you had more children? Only asking as it all seems so 'final'. I have not got any signs as yet in my mid 40's but i fear this, what if i feel this way? I dont desire a baby/ toddler doing it all again now, as am enjoying my freedom more and time, and certainly feel much more tired than i used to ! Teenagers can take a lot out of you emotionally but I am relishing the time for me after years of being rushed off my feet mum? (still a but rushed off my feet)

Any thoughts welcome

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 27/03/2021 11:33

I'm menopausal and it has reminded me of the reality of having a baby instead of the rose tinted glasses memories of 20+ years ago!

I'm knackered, grumpy and have trouble sleeping. One badly disturbed night and I'm wrecked for 3 days.

None of those things make having a baby sound like a sensible choice!

Tejutas · 27/03/2021 12:54

I don't have children, and had an early menopause (early 40s). It was actually a relief in some ways, as it made me stop trying to 'beat the clock' and find a partner.

Didn't get any broodier or anything when I realised I was on the brink of menopause.

Not quite what you were asking, but a different perspective.

Erkrie · 27/03/2021 12:57

I did think about it. Last chance and all that. But I didn't feel broody.

DahliaMacNamara · 27/03/2021 13:01

God, no. But I had no physical signs of menopause until I was over 50, by which time I'd long since given up any thought of more children.

GoWalkabout · 27/03/2021 13:06

No, but I had a hysterectomy years before so probably not likely! I bet its biological, that last yearning - after all your body starts chucking out more eggs increasing the chance of multiples, so I guess it is your body and brain conniving to have a last chance to further your genes.

lljkk · 27/03/2021 13:10

Colleague said she mourned her fertility. I didn't relate. Being a parent is/has been a big part of my life but little babies are hard work. I had lots life before I had little babies dominating my time & I can have lots life after. DH is looking forward to being a grandparent -- ability to hand them back.

Paranoidandroidmarvin1350 · 27/03/2021 13:24

God no. I couldn’t think of anything worse. I’m tired all the time. Brain doesn’t work properly. Hot and cold flushes. Add a baby on top of that would be hell on earth

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 27/03/2021 13:27

I’m 57. I still miss babies...

makingmammaries · 27/03/2021 13:32

I have plenty of children already, thank you. The menopause makes me think that fewer children would be nice, except that my youngest is cute.

If I’m this knackered now, how do people cope with grandchildren?

Kittytheteapot · 27/03/2021 13:33

I'm 56. I am looking forward to grandchildren if they come, but no, I don't and didn't crave another baby. Like Vettiyalruken, I don't sleep as well as I used to and any interruption to my sleep can leave me feeling cruddy. I recall in my 40s being told I was peri menopausal and when I asked what that meant, was told, well, put it this way, you wouldnt be able to have another baby. Hearing those words was a bit sad, but it wasn't because I wanted another baby, just made me realise time was passing.

AnyFucker · 27/03/2021 13:39

Going through the menopause was so bloody knackering, the thought of missing out on more babies could not have been further from my mind.

Now am I am a grandmother, I get to have the very best of the baby stage and the ability to hand them back !

MaryIsA · 27/03/2021 13:46

I don’t have kids and never really wanted them. But there was a point in peri menopause when I had a tremendous hormone surge like a last chance feeling where I was really broody.had other friends with the same thing.

WireFan · 27/03/2021 13:46

There were particular and tragic circumstances but a woman in the USA just became a mum again at the age of 57, with an egg donor of course. She lost a teenage daughter suddenly a few years back and wanted more children sometime after. She has another older child too.
It's not the exact situation you mention but is related. I'm sure her desire was a grief response as much as anything. I'm not sure it was entirely ethical of a clinic to treat her though, despite the very sad circumstances.

littlepattilou · 27/03/2021 14:02

I am in my early 50s now. One DD mid 20s.

I had a bit of a 'I want another baby phase' when she was in her early teens, and I was 42-43 ish. It passed after a year or so. I am very glad. I can't think of anything worse than having a 10 year old now, in my mid 50s. And a TEENAGER when I am nearly 60! Shock

There seems to be a bunch of women on mumsnet who claim that they and everyone in their social circle had their first sproglet at 42-43 ish, and some of them claim they had one at 46-48 y.o., but in the real world, women having babies past the age of 45 are as rare as rocking horse shit.

There are so many reasons for not having babies past 42-43 -ish. I won't bother naming them. They are pretty obvious.

@Flowers24 DON'T DO IT! You'll regret it. I love my DD with all my heart, and don't regret a second of every moment spent with her; the good times, AND the bad! But no fucking WAY would I have gone and had another baby in my 40s!

fishonabicycle · 27/03/2021 14:02

No! Of course not!

FoolsAssassin · 27/03/2021 14:05

No absolutely not one tiny iota at any moment ever.

AdaFuckingShelby · 27/03/2021 14:07

Goodness me no. Couldn't go back to the baby and toddler phase, definitely not. My neighbours have just told me their daughter who lives with them is pregnant. I'm hoping mine has moved out by the time she has babies. Too much disruption for my liking these days!

MinnieMountain · 27/03/2021 14:07

Not in the slightest. I was already happy with one DC by choice.

It possibly helps that I knew I couldn’t have any more as my peri-menopause started early due to taking Tamoxifen, which causes birth defects. But I don’t think that mattered really.

IAcceptCookies · 27/03/2021 14:08

Not at all. I already have lots of children, and had no menopausal symptoms until nearly 50 and was long past feeling broody. And I am still not finished with menopause at 52.
I wish it was just over and done with!

dontdisturbmenow · 27/03/2021 14:09

It is to become a woman who can't have children after so many years of desperately wanting or worrying about getting pregnant.

But the reality is that the idea of another baby is a total nightmare. Much too tired to contemplate the idea!

LibertyMole · 27/03/2021 14:14

Yes. I have felt really sad about no longer being able to have another child in some sense.

It is probably because I didn’t have as many children as I wanted as I left an abusive relationship. And now with menopause the door is closed forever.

WhiskyIrnBru · 27/03/2021 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhiskyIrnBru · 27/03/2021 14:19

Oops I'm so sorry. I don't know how this posted on the wrong thread!

DramaAlpaca · 27/03/2021 14:25

I was a little sad at the loss of my fertility when I was mid-late 40s and in the throes of perimenopause, even though I had the number of children I wanted and had no actual desire to have any more. It was just the 'well, that's over now and I can't even if I wanted to' feeling rather than actual broodiness.

I'm 56 now and over it completely, broodiness gone forever and on to the next phase of my life.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 27/03/2021 14:37

Nope. I have one child and that's enough for me.

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