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To hate my DHs “stuff” everywhere?

7 replies

LaMariposa · 27/03/2021 10:28

DH buys things. He earns a good wage, is generous with his money, so the cost doesn’t effect the household.

I’m just so fed up of stuff being everywhere. Guitars, amps, computer kit, new shoes... we are running out of storage space. He has the garage, a shed, we have hired a lock up unit for all the camping bits, excess garden kit, etc etc. He has a single bedroom which pre Covid was a shared office. He’s now home based and I’m related to half a sense of storage.

I feel like I’m drowning. It’s not even rubbish, but does anyone need 7 guitars? AIBU to dream of a clutter free house? And how do I speak to him about it?

OP posts:

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 27/03/2021 10:30

I could not live like this. Why does he buy stuff? To fill a void? Bad habits?


Gerla · 27/03/2021 10:33

This is so hard. My DH already had a flat full of stuff when I moved in with him and it has been a constant battle for me to get a bit of space for me and now for the kids. He never gets rid of anything - in fact he adopts stuff that other family members don't want. He doesn't see the value of space. I would love a cupboard that didn't burst at the seams when I open it. It doesn't bother him at all that we often can't find things I know we have and end up buying duplicates. I don't know what the answer is but it is soul-destroying. His stuff is in every room, including the kids' bedrooms. Normally I would suggest talking about it but if he doesn't see the problem, he won't be interested in finding a solution.


Hidinginstaircupboard · 27/03/2021 10:33

You tell him
"This hoarding has got to stop. Your clutter is drowning out lovely home and me. No one needs 7 guitars"
"We need to strip this all down so I can enjoy my home too"

Your DH won't have realised he's hoarding and that it's an illness as his stuff is spilling over - Google it- if you don't tackle it now, it'll be harder the longer it goes on as more to clear out. He hasn't realised how crowded and distressed his unnecessary junk is making you feel


Hidinginstaircupboard · 27/03/2021 10:37

When you have a hoarder, you have to be blunt and take charge of organising the clear out, day, three equal no of boxes (keep, charity, throw) etc to help person sort through their stuff. It's an emotional/mental blind spot for the person hoarding


MakeItRain · 27/03/2021 10:37

Tell him it needs to stop! Insist on certain (many) parts of your house being clutter-free. My ex left his crap all over our old house. It wasn't even decent new stuff. It was old tools /paperwork/sinks and pipes/loose change /books... after a while it was absolutely everywhere, including all over our once beautiful garden Sad. I would spend ages clearing a space and he would refill it with more crap. One of my endless joys even now, 10 years after our divorce, is my lovely clutter and crap-free home. It gives me a lift every single time I walk through my front door! He's with a new partner now and from what I can see she takes a lot less of his selfishness than I did. You probably need to be a bit more like her, and simply refuse to have it cluttering up your house.


RunnerDuck2020 · 27/03/2021 10:48

My DH does this too. Now we are both working from home all the time we have each taken over a room in the house as our office - mine is pretty much empty apart from the desk and a sofa, I adhere to the same ‘clear desk policy’ you would normally have to in the office lol but his is just crammed full of stuff, he can’t even seem to bring his empty mugs / plates etc to the kitchen at the end of the day Angry

Sorry I don’t have any good advice as I haven’t managed to stop it but wanted to let you know you’re not the only one!


ViciousJackdaw · 27/03/2021 10:59

When you bring it up, don't go in all guns blazing about the guitars. Leave them 'til later and focus on the smaller bits of crap first. The relationship between some men and their guitars can be very complex so it might be best to work up towards their eviction.

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