To wonder what the point of life is?

[overthinker1000]

I think I might be just having a mid life crisis really but wondered if other people think like this. I'm 39.

My life is essentially really good. I have a family who I love, and a stable job that I like. Obviously covid has presented challenges but probably less so than for many other people. I'm not depressed.

I'm just finding myself thinking a lot about the meaning of life... what the point of it all is... I see adverts about 1/2 people getting cancer and I think ok so it's only a matter of time until I or someone I loves gets very ill and dies... it's just a waiting game for things to go wrong really. Add in the climate crisis and covid, it all just seems to be rubbish. I've basically got in my life everything I could want but I'm still restless and questioning the point of each day.

What's wrong with me?! Does everyone go through this at my age?

Whilst there are no written instructions on the purpose of live i personally think there are a few main schools of thought neither of which is right or wrong and it just depends on the person who mostly adopt a mix of all four but in differing proportions:

1. Strive for as much happiness and fun as you can - the "life is short so enjoy it" approach.
2. Recognise that when we shuffle off no one will care about what car or holiday you had and that the only thing you leave behind is your children. So to strive to make sure you children have a better life than you did (better can be defined as happier / more successful / healthier etc but mainly better at the thing you missed out in). In short an evolutionary or progressive approach that it it is not about you but the next generation.
3. To be as successful as possible , not necessarily in money terms (though usually is) but also things like the best sportswoman or man or famous scientist, author etc.
4. To try and do as much good in the world as possible. Similar to (2) but wider view towards society / the world as a whole. Examples include environmental campaigners, charity workers, civil rights campaigners and religious figures.

There isn't a point. We're just mammals who have the perfect combination of opposable thumbs and a conscious mind. We tell ourselves that we're special and that our rationality elevates us above animals who live to eat/sleep/ procreate. But we're not, really.

For me I think reconnecting with nature gave me back a sense of what is real and what matters. Spending time away from screens, and outside with plants and animals.

It might sound corny, but I really think that so much meaning and purpose in our lives have been lost, as we insulate ourselves more and more from nature. The natural world is now an inconvenience, in the way of progress, rather than the thing which sustains us.

The cycles of nature, the seasons, it's all a circular process where everything works together - when something dies, its' decomposing body nourishes something else. There's a beauty to that, and an interconnectedness. To me it makes me realise my place in the world - I'm just part of the system, here for a short time. As a previous poster said, there can be comfort in knowing that there is no point. You're not doing it wrong, there is no wrong.

That being said if you have generally followed the 'life script'... university, marriage, children, mortgage etc etc. There's always the next box to tick...but eventually, when you have ticked all the boxes, comes the what next, or for some people the realisation that the life script hasn't delivered on it's promise.

Maybe have a think about whether there is something else going on in your life that you are unhappy about. I don't mean to say that you necessarily are unhappy with your lot, but the existential crises do tend to hit us most when we have done what we are 'supposed' to do, as instructed by society, and yet it still doesn't fulfil us.

I've got a warm home, nice garden, close family.
But when I read about the hard lives for many in the past, eg Victorian times, housemaids, miners, child chimney sweeps etc I wonder why they didn't all just jump off a cliff. I was watching Terror, who wants that miserable, bitterly cold existence.
Yet somehow humans exist and can be happy despite it all.

There's no "point" as such. The meaning of life is life itself.

So the best thing is to make life good.

Up to you whether you interpret that as "for yourself" or "for everyone"

I love the last verse of Desiderata -

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses.

I've watched the philosophy with interest. I do already do as many pleasurable thjngs as I can (young children plus covid so a bit limited) and my job is meaningful...

it's good to know I'm not the only one I suppose, and also that there really is no point per se! I probably should just not think so hard and get on with it...

We are all going to die, although most of us live in complete denial of that. It sounds as if you’re thinking about it op.

My approach is to concentrate on quality of life and quality of death. Really thinking about what’s meaningful to me has helped me find a sense of purpose.

The alternative is to find religion.

There isn't much point really.
We live , love and die.
I've often wondered about it all, but as you age you realize it's best not to think too much as it can drive you a bit insane!
Be a nice, kind person. I think this helps.

I like the idea that the point of life is sleep. I think I can get on board with that one mort than any religion or other ideas.

be kind to yourself and to others. repeat. die. hopefully peacefully in your sleep.

I like the points about being part of nature/losing touch with that and I agree with that. I often think about what life would have been like before phones/computers/travel etc but then equally yes I think about how brutal life was too.

Also the box ticking aspect chimed, I've kind of completed the main ones I suppose so it's like, what's next oh - it's death 😬

Sorry to those of you who had/are having tough times 😔 props to you for finding meaning and getting through each day

Quality of death is an interesting concept.

I suppose one thing I am bothered by is that I am not likely to have much control over that? How do you view it?

“If nothing we do matters, then the only thing that matters is what we do.”

I plan on suicide once my parents are gone and I am old enough that I start to struggle physically. That may be at 50, 60 or 70. I don’t plan on living past 75. I feel I have achieved enough things in life for this decision to be ok.

There is no real point to modern life. In the olden days the point of life was to pro create so humankind would go on, but that is now completely out of control and no longer warrants such an emphasis.

I would hope that by the time I’m facing dying I will have some choice about how I manage my medical care and acceptance about death.

I don’t think the point is extending life as long as possible. Once we accept we’re going to die we can make choices about what is important to us.

I'm your age op and I fleetingly feel like this. But I touch lately I've realised that life is really short and we need to enjoy it and make the best of it.

The thing about happiness is that it’s been hijacked by the masses. There is an expectation now of what “happiness” should look like and if you don’t fit that you’re viewed as weird, unhappy, miserable and/or you end up believing those things and actually becoming unhappy when you were happy doing what you originally did but it wasn’t ”socially accepted”

Today’s society is damaging to humankind.

To have fun and be kind. Imo. That’s what I tell dc when they ask anyway!

@MySocalledLoaf

“If nothing we do matters, then the only thing that matters is what we do.”

I missed this. I find this Raymond Carver poem really helpful.

There is no point really, and I find that quite freeing.

I spend my time doing things I enjoy and loving my family. My work is about helping others through their pain, and it feels good to know I make a small difference to some people.

Then I will die and that will be that. There is no point, but whilst I am here, I try to fill my life with things that are meaningful to me.

And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.

It's the question at the heart of the oldest human literature:

“For being human holds a special grief Of privacy within the universe That yearns and waits to be retouched By someone who can take away The memory of death.”

That's why we have thousands of years worth of literature and art and philosophy and religion - they are all about the search for meaning.

You are exactly right op there is no point. But that's not a bad thing. We just enjoy the bits we can and cope with the rest as best we can. I think the fact that there is no point helps us to relax in the moment. Our successes barely matter and neither do out failures. In few generations no one will really remember Hitler or Barrack Obama, they will both be consigned to history. How many people in say the Roman empire did excellent or terrible things, but no one either knows or cares any more. Lets not take ourselves too seriously. All I'm interested in is doing what I reasonably can that is 'good' in the moment, both for myself and others. But no stress if I don't manage it. Long term no one cares.